Monthly Archives: October 2016

“Lean Into” More Happy Feelings

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After you have done some processing of your upset feelings, consider “leaning into” your more happy feelings.  I am not talking about disconnecting or not acknowledging your upset feelings. Your emotions are your guides to telling you that you need to attend to and work through something. But after you have processed your feelings, it can be healthy to begin to choose to not let the issues of life steal your joy, to begin the process of “leaning into” your happiness.

What does it mean to be “lean into” your happiness?

  1. It means to move past what is “not going right” in your life.
  2. It means to face each day with an expectation that it is going to be a good one.
  3. It means to focus on the good that is in your life.
  4. It means to live in “the present moments of your life”, finding the happy that is right there in front of you.
  5. It means to fly above the muck below, letting in your happy feelings.

Again this is not to say you should ignore your upset feelings. It is more about moving through to what is good in your life. It is good for you to allow your sad or angry or upset feelings to come up to explore and decide what you want to do with them. You can decide.  You get to choose what you do next. “What do I want to do with these feelings? Do I need to take some kind of action or no? What will make me feel better?” And then going with it.

At some point it is up to you to decide what you can do to feel better and to “lean into” the more happy feelings that reside within you.

It is a bit of a two-sided coin, this balancing of acknowledging your feelings and processing them AND the moving to a more happy place that is inside of you.  It is really about being respectful of all your feelings and caring about yourself enough to move to place where there is more happy, peaceful feelings. It is possible to have both going on within your self. You can be in a grieving process or have been hurt badly and still allow for joy to express it self. You can take a break from your upset and let more happy feelings come into your life.  And at some point you can decide to let go completely of the upset. So “LEAN INTO” more happy today!

Professional Disclosure: This blog is offered as educational information and is not offered as professional therapeutic services. This is not intended to serve as treatment. For professional help contact your local mental health professional. Strom Individual and Family Therapy is not liable for any action or non action you take in regard to this article.

How to Create What YOU Really Want for the Holidays Ahead

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I cannot believe I am writing a blog post on this, but it has already began – the thinking, the obsessing, the worrying, the planning, the stressing about the holidays ahead. The four upcoming holidays can feel like they all merge together into one massive overwhelm. It can be hard to separate them out. But of course it does not have to be that way. I want to share some ideas on creating holidays that are truly what YOU want. And now is the time to contemplate all of this – at the beginning of this time frame.

It is so easy to get caught up in it all and end up doing things you may not really want to do. Or to sometimes not really plan and end up not doing what you really want to do with your holiday time. So here are some ideas to consider.

 Questions you might ask yourself about the upcoming holidays that may help you be the true “creator” of  YOUR  holidays:

  1. What would my perfect holiday times look like? What would I be doing? Who would I be with? Ex. – For some it may mean enjoying time with loved ones. or slowing down to enjoy a special what ever it might be.
  2. What does each holiday really mean to me? Or what do I want it to mean to me? Ex. –  One family may say it is a time to reflect on what we are really thankful for?
  3. Does what I do reflect what I want my holiday to look like and be about? Ex. – Yes and No. Maybe yes we spend time together. But no there is too much competition with iPhones, video games, etc.
  4. What are my most favorite memories of past holidays? What was I doing? Ex.- One child may say when we had the snow ball fight in the front yard. Dad may say, when we went out looking at holiday lights and had hot chocolate after. Mom may say when we all made a holiday meal together.
  5. What are my most un-favorite memories and what can I do to avoid these from happening again? Ex. – This might be for some – the stressing and rushing and overwhelm.
  6. Do my holidays all merge together without a real feel of truly enjoying each one for what they are? A very good question, are we really mindfully enjoying each holiday?

Develop a Flexible Plan That Fits You and Your Family

  • Meet together as a couple or a family to talk about some of the above questions.
  • Decide together (or for yourself if you are single) what your main goals for the holiday are. Is it to relax? To be with family? Enjoy special holiday activities? Celebrate a particular religious belief? A mix?
  • As a couple or family you can put together a flexible plan of the kinds of things you want to do and begin gradually to work toward this.  Incorporating everyone’s ideas is very important if you are in a family or as a couple.
  • Keep in mind that too much will feel overwhelming for most people and that thoughtful choices are a much better route to go. It is not so much about how much you can pack in, but incorporating what you most want to do and really taking time to ENJOY it.
  • Try to stay open and flexible as plans shift and change as they will at times. Knowing you can be happy even if things do not happen exactly as planned.

My hope for you and your family is that you create what you most want and desire. Happy Holidays to you and your family!  holly-leaf-small

Professional Disclosure: This blog is offered as educational information and is not offered as professional therapeutic services. This is not intended to serve as treatment. For professional help contact your local mental health professional. Strom Individual and Family Therapy is not liable for any action or non action you take in regard to this article.

Being Open to the Unexpected Good that is All Around You

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I think when you leave a space within yourself to be open to “unexpected blessings’ or the variety of ways good can come into your life, you increase your chances of not missing out on the “good stuff”.  It is so easy to get down and discouraged. But when you keep a place open for unexpected good to come in, you have a much better chance of new and varied ways for happiness to evolve.  I know personally that when I take time to train my mind in the direction of the good stuff, I get more of it. And secondly, when I let go of the need for something to happen in a specific way, I open myself to a much wider array of positive possibilities.  This is true, even if it is not exactly the way I had “planned” or first desired it to happen.  This opens up space for more happiness.

 Here are a few concrete strategies to help with keeping open to the unexpected “good stuff” that we all so want in our lives.

1.  Start your day with “expecting the good” and that it may come in unexpected packages. You may be thinking “How do I do that?” That may be different for different folks. Some possible ways may include:

  • Before you get out of bed, take a few moments to tell yourself that you are expecting “good things” to happen today and that they may come in unexpected ways or forms and the you are open to them. You can even offer thanks for the “unexpected blessings” to come.
  • Say a few affirmations to yourself as you prepare for your day. This may be as you put your make up on or put your clothes on for the day. Or it may be as you eat your breakfast or do your daily morning walk, etc. This is just simply internal self talk of the good things you are expecting with acknowledgment that they may come in a form that you expect or envision.
  • Write down a few thoughts about the good you expect for the day ahead and add to that list that you know they may come in surprising and unexpected ways and that you are open to that. Add in a word of thankfulness for all the good and expected blessings that will appear for you in your day ahead.

2.  Be on the “lookout” for the good and unexpected to happen in your day as it unfolds. When you LOOK, you FIND. It is your focus that gets you where you want to go.

3.  Be thankful for the good and the “unexpected” that does occur in your day. Take a moment to be thankful in “real-time” as these positive things happen in your life.  Let this feeling “sink in” and bask in the glow of this goodness.  You can also end your day recounting all the good that has happened that day, which would include unexpected positive things that occurred  in a journal or just mentally thinking about them at the end of the day.

So be on the look out for all the GOOD, which includes the UNEXPECTED FORMS OF GOOD that will come into your life each and ever day. You will be glad you did!

Best Wishes,

Tanna

 

Professional Disclosure: This blog is offered as educational information and is not offered as professional therapeutic services. This is not intended to serve as treatment. For professional help contact your local mental health professional. Strom Individual and Family Therapy is not liable for any action or non action you take in regard to this article.