Practical Strategies to Balance Self and Relationships. Enriching and Caring for Both. Continue reading
Our Individual Well Being & Strong Relationships – How They Can Compliment Each Other
Category Archives: Well Being
Creating More of What YOU Want
What do you want? Deciding what is most important to you is the big question.
Let’s break this down, so we can think more clearly about this big question.
1. What do you want most?
2. How do I want to feel each and every day?
3. If I see it visually what would it look like?
4. What would I be hearing, what would the people in my life be saying to me.
Yes, it is more complicated than the above questions, but we can keep the “what do I want in this life” question, as a foundation for our life or we can put this in the mix as we navigate this time we have on this earth.
Another way to approach this is to think about the different parts of our life and ask the above questions to make this more specific as the answers that you may come up with. Some categories to consider:
- My Personal Life
- My Professional / Work Life
- My Purpose and Meaning
- My Family
“Creating more of what you want is a process. Step by step you can create the life you want and most desire.” – Tanna Strom
ACTION STEP TO MOVE TOWARD WHAT YOU MOST WANT
Back to the 4 questions above. Try to sit with what you most want in a peaceful place and ask these questions and try to feel, visualize and hear what it would be like to be living this desire you have of what you most want.
Strom Individual & Family Therapy
Tanna K Strom, MS, LMFT, LPC/S, RPT/S
Clinical EFT Certified Practitioner
In-Person & Virtual in OK
918-749-1550
5 Ways to Help You Get Through the Holidays if You Are Grieving
The holidays can be stressful for all of us. If you have had a recent loss or even one that is significant and years ago, it is even more challenging. We are all unique in how we grieve and that is important to take into account as to looking at the strategies I have listed. Doing what is best for you and your children is what is a general guiding principle.
1. ASSESS WHAT YOU & YOUR CHILDREN NEED FOR THE UPCOMING HOLIDAYS
Some questions that may help you access what you need.
- What does your gut say what you need for yourself and / or for your children?
- What kind of triggers are coming up for you and / or your children as the holidays approach? Note: Your children can be a toddler or a young adult or a not so young adult. They are always our children and part of being a parent is to help them through hard times.
- What do you feel would be too much for you and your children?
- What do you feel would feel best for you? Being at home? Activities outside of home? With what kind of balance?
- Who do you want to be with / who feels supportive and really gets what is going on for you?
- Are there some things that you absolutely do not want to do during the holidays?
- Is there a way or ways you want to honor the person you have lost throughout the holidays?
2. DEVELOP A CUSTOM PLAN THAT IS BEST FOR YOU WITH SETTING NEEDED BOUNDARIES
- Plan early.
- Be flexible. Have some plan B’s. Consider not forcing what it turns out you really do not want to do in regard to what you originally planned. Or just feels like it is too much. It is ok to shift to what is needed.
- Try to be respectful of your children’s grieving style, especially if it is different than yours. And be respectful of your own as well.
- Decide what folks you want to spend time with and set up these together times early on so they can get be set in the busy holiday season. Plan as many get togethers as you feel you and your children need or want.
- Sometimes we have well meaning friends or family that want us to do something we are not ready to do or may never want to do. This is up to us. We know what is best for us. We can respectably set boundaries or do what makes the most sense for us.
3. REMEMBERING ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AND THERE IS NO NORMAL
- As we grieve, we find that our feelings are like waves – up and down. It is ok to feel all of our feelings, the uncomfortable, distressing feelings and it is ok as well to have happy feelings too. Accepting our hard feelings is the first step in healing.
- We will always have parts of the person we lost with us. And it is ok to miss them. And it is ok to continue a relationship with them, just in a different way. Incorporating what our individual beliefs are about after death can be helpful. This will vary for each person.
4. WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT DO YOU NEED &. PUTTING IT IN PLACE EARLY
- Putting things in place early is important. This is particularly important with our support people. Everyone’s schedules get very busy during holiday months. And for most of us, we have an inner circle of people that really get us and help us through our toughest times. It is not a bad. thing to broaden our support network, just for this reason noted.
- Of course, it may be a friend, a family member or a church or group we identify with that know what we are going through. This can help us to not feel so alone. Of course, some. people feel we are never truly alone, depending on your beliefs.
5. COPING STRATEGIES FOR THE HOLIDAYS
Having some ‘go to coping strategies’ for our grief is helpful. There is nothing wrong with expressing our feelings, but there may be times we choose to shift and reach for a better feeling. For some this is when we know we are going to be in a group and we want to keep it together or it may be we want to be in more calm and together way if we feel our children need this from us if they are going through a tough time. Or to be functional at our work place. For the purpose of this brief blog article, I will list general options you can explore. Keep note of what works for you.
- Deep Breathing
- Positive Affirmations or Positive Self Talk
- Tapping
- Havening
- Journaling
- Meditation
- Yoga
- Walking Outside or Any Kind of Movement
- Eye Rest – Progressive Relaxation
- Container for Upset or Passing on to Higher Power
- Pleasant Distraction
- Soft, Relaxing Music or Healing Music
- Being Out in Nature
- Having a Form of Communication with the Person Who Has Passed
- Regular Time Being with a Trusted Support Person Who Gets You and Does Not Judge
- Working with a Therapist on a Regular Basis
- Taking Grief Breaks / Doing Something You Enjoy
Online Oklahoma Women’s Grief Group – Connection and Support for the Holidays
For those of you who live in OK, I am offering an Online Oklahoma’s Women’s Group – Connection & Support During the Holidays. This will be held November 4 – December 9 on Tuesday mornings, 9:00 -10:30 am, Oklahoma Central Time.
Click the link below at the bottom of this page to see more detailed information on this upcoming group. Registration is due by this Friday, October 31, as this group starts next Tuesday, 9:00 – 10:30 am ,November 4 – December 9.
Contact Tanna to register: 918-749-1550 or tanna@stromtherapy.com
I can also do custom groups and can see individuals or families for grief counselling – In Person or Online. You can find out more about my practice on my website: www.stromtherapy.com
Below is the link to the flyer for the “Online, OK Women’s Grief Group – Connection and Support for the Holidays” I am offering.
https://t.e2ma.net/webview/xuq03h/ede4eccf8619d1cddbd6b1e506419fc1
NEW OK Women’s Online Grief Group for Support During the Holidays, November 4 – December 9, 2025, on Tuesdays, 9:00 – 10:30 am
Help to Feel Better and Have Confidence Going Through the Holidays
The holidays are hard for those who have had a loss and are grieving. It could be a spouse or a partner or child or parent or others that have been significant for us. The holidays are a reminder of our loss and come with triggers bringing up feelings that can be very distressing.
This women’s support group can be helpful in being with others who are experiencing similar feelings. It is so nice to have someone “get us” when we are in a grieving state.
Each session will cover a specific topic that be of help to you and also time for reflection and communication with the others in the group. This group is limited to 10 women.
It is possible for a custom group to be set up if you have a group that would like to set this up. This is for those who live in Oklahoma as my mental health licensures are in Oklahoma.
If you live in OK and are looking for a convenient online group for support and connection during the holidays with like minded people, check out the link below to access the flyer with all the details on this 6 week support group.
https://t.e2ma.net/webview/lhkh2/69a896499e9f3d13a46c8570c346d846
I am Tanna Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, Clinical EFT Certified Practitioner and am the facilitator for this group. You can get in touch with me at my business number, 918-749-1550 or tanna@stromtherapy.com if you have questions or want to register.
“What if . . . ?” Creating Hope and Positive Momentum to Feeling Better
As a therapist, I am always looking for ways to introduce hope and open the door to feeling better. Sometimes we get stuck in feelings that do not feel good.
The Focus Being on the Positive “What If . . . ?” opposed to the Negative “What If . . . ?”
We all have probably at one time or another said with worry, “What if it doesn’t work out?” “What if the doctor’s report comes back bad?” Etc. These are normal. The “What If . . . ?” I am introducing is flipping the script on these negative “What If . . . ?” to positive “What If . . . ?” This can help open us to hope and a way to better feelings.
Our Feelings Are Our Guidance System
I am not discounting upset feelings. In fact, I embrace and accept and acknowledge all feelings. As I know that this is the first step in our journey to feeling better. As time goes on and we feel heard and validated, we can begin to work toward letting some hope and good feelings in.
Note: If we are talking about trauma or significant depression or mental health issues this may be a longer road and many times with the help of a licensed therapist or mental health provider.
Examples of Positive “What If . . .?”
“What if I feel better today?”
“What if something good happens today?”
“What if we get along better today?”
“What if I feel less sad today?”
“What if I eat at least one good thing for me today?”
“What if things work out for me?”
“What if I feel more peaceful today?”
What do your positive “What If . . . ?” starter sentences look like? Start your day out with what makes sense for you at the time. For an extra boost, go back to your positive “What If . . . ?” if you feel your self going negative. You can acknowledge the upset and then go to your positive “What if . . ?” that can make you feel better. Best wishes in using this strategy to feel more hopeful, letting in better feelings.
Important Note: This blog is not therapy but a psycho-educational article. If you have a trauma background or significant depression or other mental health issues, a licensed therapist or mental health provider would be best to consult with.
Strom Individual & Family Therapy – Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S and Clinical Certified EFT Practitioner. Providing In Person and Online Services in Oklahoma. www.stromtherapy.com
Making Your Own Easter Baskets – Fun and Inclusive Activity for All Ages
Making Easter Fun for All = Creating Playful, Connection
Easter is a time for family, friends and loved ones to gather and celebrate in their own special ways. Most of us will include an egg hunt or a few special activities to include in this special day. What we don’t always think about is doing something that all ages can take part in. Or can be done regardless of the weather outside.
This could take place of an egg hunt or in addition to. And there is more than one way this activity could be done.
- Each Family or Person Brings Small Easter Gifts for the Other Participants to Exchange – And each person brings their own Easter basket or Easter sack or whatever container they choice for their “Easter Basket”. These can be arranged as in the pic above or however you so desire. Basically this is set up for each. person to come and select items they want to put in their basket and they can, in addition, add some ribbons to their basket or whatever offering you have to decorate their baskets. Having a tag they can attach and decorate with their name will help with “mixups”. PROS: I like this version as everyone is involved and sharing small gifts for everyone. And it helps the host as to not having to do all the gathering and paying for all the items.
OR
- The Host Provides All of the Small Easter Gifts for Putting in the Easter Baskets or Easter Sacks, etc. Easter Containers Can Be Provided by the Host or the Participants. This can help to keep it simple and if the host likes doing this kind of thing.
- The Host will probably want to provide grass for the baskets and ribbon and tags to decorate and id the baskets. Or the host can ask a few folks to help with this as their contribution to the project.
IDEAS FOR PLACES TO BUY SMALL GIFTS: Think Dollar Store, or Another Discount Store, Bulk Buying Stores.
POSSIBLE INEXPENSIVE ITEMS: mini note pads, hair ties, mini bag of paper clips, mini bag of batteries, mini candles, baby oranges or apples, baby boxes of raisins, pencils, stickers, mini bubbles, mini play doughs, etc. OR something you have a bunch of from a bulk buy.
GIFTS FROM THE HEART: A Homemade, Healthy or Sweet Treat, Easter Compliments for Each Person (could be put in an Easter egg – done specifically for each person), A Poem or Quote Or Inspirational Message, etc, I really like this option as it addresses what we really need – love, meaning, and connection.
OTHER THINGS TO CONSIDER: Including gifs for different interests, young and older. Maybe doing different colours of one item for a choice. Choosing things that are on the smaller side to fit in a basket or small sack.
SPECIAL NOTE ABOUT COOPERATIVE EGG HUNTS FOR ALL AGES: In my blog collection you should be able to find my ideas and personal experience with doing ‘”cooperative egg hunts” with individual eggs marked for each person. This is to move away from some children upset as they did not gather as many eggs as others. Plus, I always include adults in my cooperative hunts. Oh what fun to see folks help each other find their eggs.
To me the important thing is to create interactive, playful activities that your loved ones can all do together, creating connection and a sense of belonging – what a beautiful Easter gift you have created!
No one is you and that is your SUPER POWER!
I went to a therapy training recently on the use of media in relationship to super heroes and villains, using innovative ways to help clients find their own unique Super Powers. I have written about Super Powers before. This is just a bit of an additional twist to my original post.
One of the exercises we were asked to do was to choose a super hero or villain that we identified with. I just went with my gut and choose “Super Woman”. The version I know is a woman who is strong and resilient and courageous as she overcomes adversity and grief. She is also a protector. For a variety of reasons, I could identify. The activity, of course, was for us to get in touch with our own unique strengths or those that are there within us that we want to bring to the forefront to aid us in our journey called life.
I found this “no one is you . . . ” poster above recently and had to purchase it, as it really resonated with me. The whole concept that it is our own unique self that is our Super Power is so self empowering. We each have our own unique combination of characteristics and personality and gifts. It is our own special blend of our Super Power.
I hope you too will look within and find your own unique mix that makes you who you are and what is always there for you to use in your daily life or in times of worry or upset.
Here is to all of us and the wonderful gifts we can draw on for ourselves and also as a gift to others and the world around us.
What character or super hero do you identify with?
It’s the “Little Things” That Make Us Feel Better
Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S, CCPS, Clinical EFT Certified Practitioner Virtual Therapy for All of Oklahoma We all have times of feeling overwhelm or stress. Maybe anxious. We are all very human and need a way to feel better … Continue reading
The Power of Gratitude – Setting Yourself Up to Feel Good
Nothing is more powerful than remembering all the “good things” in our life to counteract the distressing feelings that seek to creep in during these very challenging times.
As we approach Thanksgiving, this can be a time to pause and reflect on the good things that are happening all around us. Clearly being mindful of and holding these things within us, letting them sink in and take root is a welcome balm to sooth and reassure us we are going to be ok.
We can use this time as a reboot to begin to see the good that gets lost among all the hard parts we are going through right now. This upcoming season is known for the light that comes through during the darkest part of the year. Gratitude can pave the way.
Consider starting a regular “gratitude practice”. There are many ways to do this. I am offering some examples to get you thinking as to you creating your own unique practice.
Starting a Gratitude Practice
- Dinner Gratitude Ritual – We can start this during this Thanksgiving Time or anytime we so desire. Having a nightly dinner ritual were we all let our family know what we are grateful or thankful or happy for that happened that day. Even if you live by yourself you can take note of the good that has occurred. What a lovely way to end of the day.
- Blessing Jar or Happy Jar – This can be named in whatever way is a fit for you personally or for your family. It can be done just for yourself or for your family. This can be set up to be done spontaneously or can be done in a routine, set time. Some families like to do this during their weekly family meeting or Sunday meal together. You can experiment and see what fits best. Very simply have paper and pen next to a jar. I like to use mason jars and start with a new one each year, labeling what year it is. Of course, one could use a box or any other container. You or your family could decorate the outside of the container to personalize it if you would like. Or it could just be a simple jar with the year marked on the lid. Having a time when you review all your blessing each year is a nice way to end the year, reflecting on all the good that has occurred.
- Gratitude Journal – This is normally done individually. But could be a family one as well. Most folks who do these will write down 3-5 things or as many as they like of what they feel grateful or thankful for that day. These can be very simple things. In fact remembering to notice these small things can really increase our good feelings. Some people will date their entry. Before going to bed is a great time to do this activity, letting all the good things sink in from the day.
- Notes of Gratitude to Others – This is taking your gratitude practice to another level. When we share our gratitude with others it can feel so good to see how we have uplifted another person. It is a very special gift you have given. This of course can be done verbally as well. Sharing compliments and encouragement with our own family is so very important.
- Gratitude Affirmations – You can collect or make up these affirmations of gratitude and thankfulness. Saying them at the beginning and / or end of the day or spontaneously when you feel you need them can help to rewire your brain to see more of the good. And isn’t this what we all want – to feel good.
Expressing gratitude for the good things in your life will lead to more good things. When we focus on the good, we find more good coming into our life. I wish you the very best as you begin your own gratitude practice.
Create Your Own “Feel Better” Plan
Many of you are in a place where you are struggling to keep your anxiety and depression at bay during this health crisis our nation is experiencing. I have many resources I will be sharing in the weeks to come. But first I thought it may be helpful to look at how to structure a general “Feel Better” Plan that is customized just for you.
Here are some of the steps that can assist you in individualizing a plan that is a fit for you and works best for you specifically.
- Create a plan that is best for YOU, not what someone else may say is the best for all. There is no one size fits all.
- To organize your thoughts you might start with a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle, determining what does NOT make you feel better and what does make you feel better.
- One side for, “What Does Not Make Me Feel Better at This Time?”
- The other side, “What Does Make Me Feel Better At This Time?”
- You can add to the Feel Better Side near the bottom a horizontal line with a title “Possible New Things to Try”
- You may need more than one sheet to collect all of your ideas.
3. Set aside some quiet, uninterrupted time to reflect and think carefully about these questions that will assist you in putting together this general plan to help make you feel better.
4. Put this visual FEEL BETTER PLAN up on your frig or on your mirror, etc. as a reference to go to when you needing some concrete ideas. Many times when we are upset it is hard to think clearly, thus a solid plan to look back at when needed.
5. Use an electronic folder to collect items that you are sent or you come across or find that you feel are helpful in lowering anxiety or depression or makes you feel better. I get good ideas on a daily basis from a variety of sources but without putting them in an central place, they just simply get lost. I am not perfect about doing this but I do try and it has helped when I want to refer back to something. Some of these come in form of a video or an audio format, so the electronic folder is helpful.
6. Make a routine that fits for you. Many professionals feel that a routine can be helpful in assisting you to feel better. What kind of structure and what it looks like is a very individual thing. Structure can make you feel more safe when things around you may not feel stable or controllable.
- Consider the beginning and end of your day for a routine that makes you feel safe, nurtured and hopeful.
- Routines do not need to be rigid or stressful or overwhelming. They are intended to make us feel better.
7. Fill your day with things that make you feel good. The more you can fill your day with things that make you feel happy or safe or bring a smile to your face, the better you will feel. These interventions can be small and interspersed throughout the day. It may actually be better to spread out these uplifting activities. They can be intentional and spontaneous. When you find healthy things that really make you feel good, do more of them. It will serve you well.
I recently heard a meditation podcast in which Gabrielle Bernstein said “It is good to feel good.” This is a very fitting, ending remark. It is good to feel good! My best wishes to you all in finding your own way to feeling good.
I will be adding “feel better” resources in the weeks to come for you to choose from as you create and continue to add things to your “Feel Better” Plan.
Professional Disclosure: This blog is offered as educational information and is not offered as professional therapeutic services. This is not intended as treatment. For professional help contact your local mental health professional. Strom Individual and Family Therapy is not liable for any action or non action you take in regard to this article.
creating branches 