Monthly Archives: August 2013

Coping with Working on a Holiday – How to Make the BEST of it as a Couple or Family

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couple kissing goodbyeWith each holiday, we have this feeling of relief. It is a time to relax and rest for a bit or maybe do something we normally do not have time to do.  But in reality, many people do work on the holidays or at least part of the holiday. So . . . how do we handle this situation?  For some it means upset and disappointment take the driver’s seat. How can we take charge and use this as an opportunity to make the best of a hard situation and pull together to still be happy?

  • Starting with coming from a place of understanding and love can help. Talking about it with each other and really listening to how the other feels is a good start. Respectfully sharing our feelings is healthy. Acknowledging and accepting each other’s feelings go a long way to being able to work through upset feelings. 
  • Develop a PLAN as to how to work with the situation.  For example, you cannot go on your day trip you wanted to do on Saturday, so you go on Sunday. Or if you must work the whole holiday, maybe a day is taken off close to this time frame to MAKE YOUR OWN HOLIDAY.  Taking charge and being proactive to include some time in some way can help.  Yes, it is not exactly the same, but it can still work and still give you the time together that you want.
  • Express appreciation to the person who is having to work, letting them know that you appreciate how they are doing what they have to do to help to support the family, etc.  And that you know that they really don’t want to work and would prefer to be home. Let them know you will miss them and be ready to do something special or relaxing with them when they can do so with you.
  • Express appreciation to the person who is home, letting them know how you know that it is disappointing and you appreciate their understanding.
  • Consider some extra efforts to stay connected. An extra call or text might help to remind each other that you are thinking of the other. Or leave a hand written note for your loved one telling them you love them and will miss them.  Or maybe delivering some lunch or meeting for lunch can help a bit. Or the person at home or remaining family at home can make a special dish or treat for the loved one that has to work.
  • Choose to be happy with the time you do have. Avoiding the trap of continuing to be upset when everyone is re-united.
  • Finding something fun YOU can do while your loved one is gone. This helps you to be in charge of your happiness and not let circumstances dictate your feelings.

saying-goodbye-315x205 little girl, hand wave

If there are choices as to working on holidays and you know your loved ones really need  you, then by all means take this time off.  There may be conflicting needs, if so take  time to talk about this as a couple to decide what makes sense for you as a couple or as a family. You may need really need the money or you may be ok with out it. Your boss may be ok with letting you off or they may not. Trying to work to balance and meet everyone’s needs are important. It is the talking and listening and trying to be there as much as possible that makes a difference. And then when you cannot be with each other how you CHOOSE to handle it. 

Reconnecting as a Couple as Children Leave the Nest

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empty nestIt may not feel like it will every happen. But then it does. They LEAVE the nest! It may be to go off to college or to live in their own living space or maybe to get married. And there you have it – AN EMPTY NEST. So what does one do with an empty nest? One can choose to fill it with something else.  One thing that can happen is for “the couple” to reconnect and cuddle up in that nest. It can feel really nice for sure.  For many “empty nesters” they find that they have lost of a bit of their connection with their spouse or partner as they have many times put their full energy into raising their children. So let’s look at some ways to RECONNECT with our spouse or partner after the children are no longer living full-time in our homes.

  • First of all, recognize the normal feelings of grief and loss. This is a time to SUPPORT one another by really listening and acknowledging each other feelings. It is very possible you will have similar but also different feelings about your child leaving home. Being there for each other in dealing with the normal feelings of loss is crucial.  Also, understanding you will have somewhat different perspectives. This is not a bad thing. You can broaden your outlook by really hearing each other.
  • Be gentle with each other as to how long it takes to adjust and adapt to your child leaving home. One of you may have more difficulty than the other. Or it may be that one will have trouble in the beginning and the other may have more upset after some time has passed. Being aware that it may affect you differently will help.
  • Begin to find the good things about your child leaving home. NUMBER ONE, you have done your job, they are moving on to create their own adult lives; they are going to college or starting a new job or maybe starting their own family. Do we really want them to stay at home forever? Of course not. We want them to be strong, independent, happy adults. But it is hard to see them go.
  • NUMBER TWO, this new space creates an opportunity for you to re-connect as a couple. It can be a time to get to know one another again. A time to enjoy each other with a new freedom that was not possible before when your child or children were at home. Oh, the things you can do, the places you can go!
  • NUMBER THREE, It is time to create a new VISION for what you want to be as a COUPLE. And then go for it!

There is so much more to this story, but a bit to hopefully think about and begin this journey of re-connection and re-commitment to one another. Here is to the two of you! ♥♥

A Celebration to Begin the New School Year – Setting a Positive Tone for Your Child

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back to school colored pencilsThe school year has started for most children and teens.  It is a time filled with buying new school clothes and school supplies; adjusting to new school schedules, etc. Let us not forget to CELEBRATE the beginning of school with our child or teen.  Celebrating can apply to any age, whether you have a first grader or a high school student.  You might be wondering,“Why do we want to celebrate the beginning of the new year.? Here are my thoughts:

  • Most importantly, setting the tone that this is a time to be excited about, to be happy about  having the opportunity to learn new things and meet new people. Sometimes we forget that it really is a time to embrace the joy of learning and being able to potentially make new friends. It is easy in our busy lives to forget that imparting this kind of message can affect how our children think about school. Most of us really do want our children to love learning and like school.
  • Celebrating is a one way of injecting some excitement and hopefulness into this sometimes stressful transition. It is one of the things that we can do before or after school starts. It is not too late to say “Let’s celebrate school starting school this week or last week, etc.” Celebrating implies that it is a good thing. It is one way for you to help put a positive spin on school and the year ahead.
  • It is a way for  you and your child or children to connect in regard to school. We all want to be a part of our child’s school world. This is a way to begin the year with that kind of connection.
  • Celebrating is enjoyable and helps to give the feelings of good things to come. And is this not what we want. We want our children or teenagers to feel there is good to come. As we know what we envision is many times what we get.

How might we celebrate the beginning of school with our child or teen? Each family will have their own unique way of doing this that is a good fit for them. I am listing some potential ideas for your consideration. But, again, you will have your own ideas as to what fits.

  1. Consider the age of your child or children and what will feel like a celebration to them. 
  2. Making sure we let our child or children know what we are celebrating and why. For example: “Let’s celebrate school starting. Lets …. “or “Let’s celebrate school starting. Do you have some ideas as to what we might do?” “Let’s celebrate school starting.  Let’s  . . . or maybe . . .  to celebrate.  Which do you think would be the most fun?”
  3. A special meal, possibly one of their favorites with maybe a special dessert of healthy treat to top it off is always appreciated.
  4. An appropriate gift with school starting can fit the bill.  Your child’s age will of course make a difference here. I remember when my daughter was a first grader how she loved the new globe I bought her.  You will know your child and what would be an encouraging gift that leaves the message of school is important and it can be fun too.  It could be a cool new back pack or a gift certificate for . . . “
  5. A conversation about what they are hoping to learn this year or what class they are particularly excited about or any specific goals they have for themselves can be helpful. Plus, of course your encouraging words or affirmations of good things to come make sense in this conversation. This, of course, is a good time to highlight what you consider their strengths.”
  6. Another possibility is to have a back to school party for your child’s class at your house or at a park, etc.  If your child is one that is feeling a bit of a loss as to making new friends and connecting socially this may be one way to help with that. Plus, a way for you to meet parents of your child’s classmates.

It really is a time to CELEBRATE the wonderful opportunity to learn new things and hopefully to create the stage for the love of life long learning. So best wishes in finding the best way to celebrate the beginning of school starting with your child or teen!

Write an Old Fashioned Love Letter

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thumb(10)In today’s fast paced technology world, we sometimes forget about the lovely feeling you get when someone writes you a hand written note or letter.  Yes, it takes more time than a quick text or email or a face book entry.  But it is a something that feels special and is more treasured than some of other avenues mentioned above. This is not to say an affectionate text in real time cannot fit the bill at times or that a longer email cannot have it’s place. And I know for those who are avid face book users, a public show of love may feel very nice.

But, a LOVE LETTER is so very sweet and lovely all in it’s own right. A LOVE LETTER is something that can be kept in a special place and re-read and treasured for years to come. So consider sending a love letter to your sweetheart. The taking the time to find a piece of stationary or a blank note card and the additional time it takes to write the letter WILL be appreciated.

Here are a few possible things to consider as you write your LOVE LETTER to your special loved one.

  • Consider what you put your love letter on. It can be a piece of fun stationary that shows your personality or your loved one’s personality. Or a blank note card with a picture on the cover that is a fit for your loved one or something that makes you think of the two of you.  It may be you decide to be creative and think about something a bit more outside of the box, so to speak.  I know of a person whose love letter was written on the back of a Whole Foods sack, her favorite store as a heath food girl and then put in a small wooden box with a very pretty heart  on top. She was delighted.  Of course, really any paper or note card will do, but this extra step is a nice touch. But it is the words that count.
  • Hand write your note if at all possible. If you really have to word process it on your computer, do so. But the hand written part is part of the novelty of the old fashioned love letter.
  • Let your loved one know how special they are to you. Tell them what it is that you appreciate about them. You will have your own words.
  • Date your love letter. For it will be kept and years from now it will be glad you did.
  • Send your letter in the mail if you can. This makes it even more fun. Or you can put it in a special place in the house where they will find it. Or put it in the front seat of their car. Etc.

Note: There are quicker, shorter versions you can do of the love letter. It can be on a sticky note and put on his or her bathroom mirror. A simple “Good morning beautiful, I love you!”.  OR “Have a wonderful day, Love You!” Again, you will  have your own words and your own special places.

love letter

Have fun writing your love letters!!!  Your loved one will love you for it. ♥♥♥

Arts and Humanities Council of Tulsa’s “Imagination Days” Third Saturdays – FREE

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imagination days arts and humanity council tulsa ok“Imaginations Days” is sponsored by The Arts & Communities Council of Tulsa at the Hardesty Arts Center every third Saturday in 2013. These events are open in conjunction with the regular AHHA gallery hours.  This FREE family activity time is inspired by the current gallery exhibit.  The theme and exhibitions are changed frequently to provide new experiences.

WHERE:

Arts & Humanities Council Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA)

101 East Archer Street

Tulsa, Oklahoma 

In the Brady Arts District, at the corner of Boston & Archer. 

WHEN:

Third Saturdays, 2013

August 17 

Note: This month’s activity revolves around the Fiberworks exhibit.

ahct hardesty arts center fiber arts exibit

September 21

October 19

November 18

Open from 1:00 pm to 6:00 pm (This is during regular AHHA gallery hours.)

And it is FREE to the public!

Activities start in the American Electric Power Foundation/Williams Family Studio, which is located in AHHA’s second floor next to the Loft Gallery. For more information you can call the Arts and Community Council at 918-584-3333. You can also follow this link to find out more information about the Imagination Days.  ahct.org/programs/imagination-days/

The Arts and Humanities Council of Tulsa’s HARDESTY ARTS CENTER  is not only a wonderful opportunities for families to enjoy art together but it is also would be a great outing for a couple. Go to their website www.ahct.org to find out more about the gallery and the upcoming exhibitions and also about the many programs that they offer for adults, teens and children.

arts and humanities council of tulsa hardesty arts center

Balancing “In the Moment” and “Creating a Vision” for our Realtionships

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Barefoot_couple____by_sergey1984There is a lot of talk today about living “in the moment”.  And on the other end of the spectrum we hear a lot about “setting a vision” or a goal to keep us going where we want to go. So which is it? In the moment or creating a vision? I say both!

As this blog is focused on relationships, I will use relationships as the base to work around for discussing this balancing act of “living in the moment” and “creating a vision” for what we want. And I do think it is a real balancing act and that it will probably look a bit different for each couple or family.  I do think that we all struggle with this question or opposing viewpoint on how we live our lives. So how can we have both in our relationships? Let’s first look at the two, at first look, very different philosophies of how we live our lives and relate to our loved ones. And then how we might possibly combine these two different ideas.

What does “in the moment” really mean???  Well, most feel this is living fully within the place and time you are given.  Really being “in the present” and not focusing on the past or the future.  Concentrating on the time and place you are in and who you are with and the gift of the interaction between the two of you. It is a lovely thought and can have a very freeing feeling to only be in the here and now and really focusing on your loved one.

Then there is the “vision makers”. Those who want to create visions and goals. There are some differences here I suppose as to visions and goals and how folks define these words. This may look very different for different folks. But my version would be creating visions or goals that are what we feel would most fit our lives and in this case fit our relationships. For example: the vision of what you want your relationship to look like and concretely making that happen to the best of your ability.

So can we have both, I say yes we can. We can create visions and goals for our relationships and work to make them happen.  Of course, jointly deciding what we both want and creating a “joint vision” is the most healthy and satisfying for both people in the relationship.  Then within that framework we fully enjoy the moments we have with each other and we take the time to really “be with” the ones we love. Basically, I am suggesting we CHOOSE to jointly “create a vision” of what we both want for our relationship and we go for it, meaning we pull out all the stops to make that happen. And we enjoy this wonderful ride with each other. Yes there will be bumps along the way, but we have each other to hang onto! Here is the to wonderful roller coaster of life. Enjoy!

Its Pow Wow Time – An OK Cultural Experience for your Family

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Powwow_DanceaPow Wow of Champions

August 9, 10 & 11, 2013

Oral Roberts University, 7777 S. Lewis

The ORU Mabee Center

– A smoke and alcohol free environment –

$7. Per Person (5 yrs & under free) – Weekend Wrist Band $15. Per Person

This weekend the Intertribal Indian Club of Tulsa hosts the 36th annual Pow Wow of Champions. This is a wonderful opportunity for your family to experience together an OK Cultural event. Many times we overlook some of our own states special cultural events.  You of course would want to consider what parts of the program would most fit for you and your child’s or children’s ages and plan accordingly. I think it always works best not to over stay an event that we are not ready to handle.

For specific information event you can call 918-378-4494 or 918-838-8276 or go to their website:  www.iicot.org/   There is a schedule of events and times on their website. You will need to click on the flyer within their website to get this information.

You and your family can experience dance, drum music and song from tribal nations across the country. Over 300 native dancers will compete. In addition, native american crafts and food will be available for purchase.

This event is billed as a family event, but could also be a fun couple’s activity.  Hope you will consider taking advantage of this educational and entertaining OK weekend event.