Author Archives: Tanna Strom

Ways to Create Family Fun and Connection in Your Celebration of Halloween

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pumpkin-family-m

As Halloween approaches, you have an opportunity to mindfully choose how your family will celebrate Halloween.  Here are some things to get you thinking as to how you might create time to connect and have fun together as a family. This may look different for each family.

Considerations for Creating Family Fun and Connection:

  • As parents you can explore what some of the options are in the community as to events and activities being sponsored. Find ones that match with the age of your children and dovetail with your specific values. There seem to be a very wide range of some events that are very young child friendly with a “no scare” environment all the way to very adult, at times violent scary events. As parents offering ones that you feel fit your children’s ages and personalities make good common sense of course.
  • As you consider things to do, remember some of the best fun is “homemade fun”. This can be to everything from carving or decorating pumpkins to making Halloween treats together as a family to decorating the house or yard together for the holiday to hosting a back yard carnival style party for some other families.
  • Consider a family meeting where you present some ideas for some family fun activities that would be possibilities during the Halloween time frame. These go on of course throughout October with Halloween being the crescendo. Only presenting activities that you are ok with makes this a win – win situation. Ideally being able to let each member choose one thing they really want to do for Halloween would show respect for everyone’s ideas and wishes.
  • Balancing family fun and letting children attend their own events happen for many families. But without careful planning, especially as children get older there can be very little time for family activities. Finding a way to keep adolescents involved with your family activities can be even more challenging, but it is possible. Allowing for children and teens to have their time with friends is a natural progression of growing up, but having some family time is ok and if done in a fun way and with their involvement in the planning can work and be a way to keep your family connections alive and healthy.
  • Enjoy your time together really “being there”. This would mean putting on hold phone calls, texting, etc during your activity. Including all family members in this tech free day would mean so much more one on one communication and real face time with each other. Yes you will probably have some groaning and complaining over this limit, but that’s ok. Let everyone know why – that you really want to spend time with them so to do that everyone is going to go native for a bit and just talk and focus on one thing at a time. It is worth it. Everyone likes to have this real-time and focus.

Good luck in creating your own family fun. So many times some of these activities turn into family rituals and traditions. And oh what fun memories they create!

Cruise the Talimena Scenic Drive and Check out the Surrounding Attractions – East OK to West AK

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Talimena-fallA fun, scenic drive with lots of potential attractions along the way is what you get with the Talimena Scenic Drive which spans from the top of the Ouachita Mountains in Eastern OK to Western AK. This is a 54 miles winding drive that is especially beautiful in the fall with the color of the fall leaves.  We went last year and had a great time. I insisted we stop at many of the pull outs to check out the beautiful fall foliage. It was great fun.

This could be a simple drive or it could mean so much more due to the surrounding attractions that could turn this into a weekend if you wished. Go to www.talimenascenicdrive.com  to plan your adventure for just you and your sweetie or for you and your family. This trip could be planned for either a couple or family trip. I would suggest that you look in the Upcoming Events tab on their website. Looks like lots going on here in the fall. I am sure this could be a very pretty drive in the spring also.

Some of the attractions along the way are as follows. Their website, as mentioned above, has a detailed section for each of the categories listed below.

Birds and Wildlife

Lakes and Rivers

Historic Sites

Sight Seeing

Cave Exploring

Whitewater Canoeing

Fly Fishing

Equestrian Fun

Note: It is noted that the Peak Fall Foliage for Talimena Scenic Drive is from October 19 – November 4. 

This could be a fun full weekend or a day trip. Best wishes in planning your own adventure along the Talimena National Scenic Byway! A wonderful way to connect and “be with” your loved ones.

Pumpkin Festival at Sheperd’s Cross, Claremore, OK

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Pumpkin_Festival-21-464x304The Pumpkin Festival at Shepard’s Cross near Claremore, OK runs from October 1- October 30 (2013) on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays from 10:00 am to 6:30 pm. This is a festival that I just found out about that looks promising if you want to spend a bit of time out in the country. It looks like it would make for a great family time.  Or I think it might be a fun couple outing also.

The Festival is free, but a $3. per person donation is suggested. Many of the activities are free and then there are some activities that a fee is attached. For example if you want to make a Scarecrow, it is $3. per scarecrow. You are asked to bring clothes for your scarecrow. The Hayride is $5. per person, with children under one being free. And of course, you have to pay for pumpkins you may want to take home. There is also a store in with OK made products are sold. Amish candles and jams are sold, along with pecans, gourds , straw bales, etc.

Free Activities include:

A Pumpkin Patch

Farm Animal Petting Zoo

Hay Maze

Hands on Learning Stations

Picnic Areas (but suggested you bring a blanket due to limited space)

Bible Garden

And more . . .

I have not gone out to experience their Festival, but plan to before the end of the month. It should be noted that this is a Christian based Festival.  It is also advertised as child friendly without being scary. I also noticed on their website that groups could schedule tours on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays.

Please go to their website to find out more details and directions as to how to get out to this farm that is close to Claremore.   www.sheperdcross.com

shepards cross pumpkin festival with wagon and pumpkins

Tulsa Botanic Garden – Fun for Couples and Fun for Families

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tulsa botanic garden

If you like the outdoors and are interested in some new trails and outdoor space to explore you may want to consider Tulsa Botanic Garden.  This was formerly the Oklahoma Centennial Botanical Garden.  This 170 acres sits northwest of downtown Tulsa and is open on Saturdays from 9:00 am – 4:00 pm. They are only open April – October, so this may be a good time to explore the Tulsa Botanic Garden as we are nearing the middle of October.

There is a visitor center in which you can pick up a map to help you explore the area. The site includes the 7 acre Centennial Lake with a three-quarter mile walking trail that includes plantings of 300 ornamental and shade trees. Plus, there is a 1 and 1/2 mile nature trail that goes through prairie and Cross Timbers forest. 

SPECIAL EVENTS are planned. EACH SATURDAY.  October events are listed below:

Saturday, October 12, 2013, 9:00 am – 4:00 pm                                                                                                                                                                                    

Family Day: Make a Birdfeeder                                                                                                                   

Find out how about bird calls, what plants they use for food and shelter; plus, make a bird feeder to take home

Saturday,October 19. 2013, 9:00 am – 4:00 pm      

Trees and Shrubs: A Walk and Talk                                                                                                                  

Garden CEO Todd Lasseigne will lead a walk and talk on trees and shrubs to consider to add to your home landscape.

Saturday, October 26, 2013, 9:00 am – 4:00 pm    

Family Day: Fall Leaves    

Walk the trails looking for leaves of fall color, ending with leaf printings and other crafts in the visitor center.      

Directions: 8 miles west of downtown Tulsa, OK. It is 1.5 miles west of the intersection of W. 43rd St N and N 52nd W Ave.  For more information you may call 918-289-0330. Here is a link to the Tulsa Botanic Garden’s website: www.ocbg.org   OR check their Facebook page  www.facebook.com/tulsabotanicgarden

Hope you will have a chance to explore this fairly new Botanic Garden. This would be a fun couples time to go explore the trails and also a fun family activity, especially taking advantage of the Special Events held. Being in nature with your honey or your family is an excellent environment to connect.  Check it out!

                                                              

                    

FREE Family Fitness Festival at St Francis Health Zone, Tulsa OK, Saturday, October 12 for All Ages

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Check out the FREE family fun at St. Francis’s Family Fitness Festival this coming Saturday, October 12 from 4:00 – 8:00 pm. This will be held at St Francis Health Zone, 5353 E. 68th St. There are activities planned for all ages.

Children’s Carnival (for ages 5 and under, Kids Zone Patio, games and art activities)

Youth Fit Zone – Inflatable Obstacle Course (for ages 6 – 12, Health Zone Parking Lot)

family zumbaGlow in the Dark Zumba (dance for all ages, free glow sticks for the first 50 participants, from 6:00-7:30 pm)

As parents we all want our children to be active and healthy. Participating with children and teens in these kinds of events can promote the worthy goal of caring for our bodies.  This should be a fun family event that gets everyone moving. Plus, being active together has the added benefit of building your family relationships.

Here is to having fitness as a family goal!

PS To see the official brochure on this event, click on this link.     HZ_FamFes   Contact Number: 918-494-8263

Handshakes and Hugs

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I am passing this blog piece on as it is a wonderful addition to my last post on creating greeting rituals with children. These are very fun, simple handshakes and hugs! Tanna Strom

dbsenk's avatarKindergarten Nana

Research shows that the one of the best ways to build connections between people is eye contact and touch.  I was always looking for good ways to foster relationships so I loved including special “handshakes” in our morning routines.  We sometimes called them handshakes, other times we referred to hugs.

I introduced these one at a time at the beginning of the year.  The children would be standing in a circle, I would demonstrate the handshake and do it with the child on my right, I always tried to remind the children to turn and look at their partner while they were shaking hands.  Then that child would turn and “pass the handshake” to the next child, and so on around the circle – back to me.  After the children knew a variety of hugs, the special helper would choose which handshake we would do each day.

For most of…

View original post 597 more words

A Pinky Hug, A Cool Handshake . . . Create Your Own Welcome Ritual with Your Child

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handshakes_0007Ever do a “pinky hug”? Or have your own original hand shake? Creating your own special greeting with your loved one can be fun and unique to your relationship. And why not add a bit of fun to our greeting. There are all kinds of potential greeting rituals. Maybe a high-five or a hip or knuckle bump or a series of actions that you design with your child.  One of the fun parts could be coming up with your own “signature greeting”. I found a wonderful blog piece that I will re-blog for you to look at the many different handshakes this teacher has used with her children.  So be on the lookout for this blog piece that will appear on my blog. It is titled Handshakes and Hugs by Kindergarten Nana. She has Thumb Kisses, Butterfly hugs, Fish Hug and much more to consider as a potential greeting.

thumb kiss

Another possibility could be a special phrase or term of endearment phrase you use only for your child. If you have more than one child, each having their own greeting will give them each a sense of being unique. I do think checking in with your child as to if they like what you are using is a respectful thing to do.

I have heard many terms of endearments or nicknames. Most I think are liked by children, especially if they are positive and have a nice feel to them.  Being mindful and thoughtful as to choosing something that does not have any kind of negative connotation is important I think. What we may teasingly use, can be hurtful to a sensitive child.

I also think as children get older they may or may not like the special name or ritual of greeting, so keep alert to their feelings and do a ck in with them. Creating a new greeting can make sense as they grow.

A shout out to the mom who shared her “pinky hug” ritual with me.  This is simply the pair looping their picky figures.  This might be nice if you have a child who is embarrassed by a full hug. Of course for some the traditional full hug may be just the ticket.

Good luck in coming up with your own special connecting ritual with each of your children. This ritual will live on in your child’s memory way after they are grown.

Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, Stonewalling and Their Antidotes

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A36W5JEnd the most destructive patterns in your relationships: CRITICISM, DEFENSIVENESS, CONTEMPT, and STONEWALLING. There are antidotes to these very common patterns or interactions that occur in relationships. Researcher and Therapist,  Dr. John Gottman, PhD calls these destructive interactions the 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse.  At a recent training in Dallas, TX this last weekend I was able to complete Level 1 of the Gottman Institute’s Bridging the Couple Chasm.  Drs Julie and John Gottman’s approach for couples counseling is a research based program based on 40 years of scientific research. I am summarizing the information on these destructive patterns and their antidotes.

THE 4 HORSEMAN OF THE APOCALYPSE & THEIR ANTIDOTES

Criticism Ø :  Attacks on Personality or Giving Negative Attributes   →     COMMUNICATE WITH A GENTLE START UP: “I Feel, About What, I Need”

Defensiveness Ø : Self-Protection with Righteous Indignation or Playing  Victim    →     TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: Accepting Your Part in the Problem

Contempt Ø : Addresses with Superiority     →     SHOW APPRECIATION and RESPECT: Positive Communication and Admiration

Stonewalling Ø : Emotional Withdraw    →     PRACTICE SELF SOOTHING: Staying Connected Emotionally

Becoming aware of these 4 horseman: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling is the first step. Then trying to replace them with their antidotes is the next step.  Best wishes in your quest to have more healthy communication. It can lead you to a happier, more fulfilled relationship.

You can go into the Gottman’s website to find John and Julie Gottman’s books, cds, cards, etc.  www.gottman.com

happy couple

Relationships with Ex-Spouses – Considerations When Children Are Involved

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co-parenting-during-divorceThe “Divorce” is in process and you wonder what kind of relationship should I have with my soon to be Ex? You are thinking I have children with this person, so how does this work?  I see families in my practice that are in the process of a divorce or who have recently undergone this change in their family structure.  When children are involved it adds another layer of complexity as to what kind of relationship one should have with their ex-husband or ex-wife. I have found that what works for one family may not work for another. There are many different kinds of situations and unique details for each family. But, I do think there are some general things that are important for almost all families that are going through this major shift in the family structure when it comes to your post marriage relationship.   So here are some things to consider.

Consider the BIG question. ” What is most helpful for my children?”

  • Children need developmentally appropriate information about what is going on with your relationship with their mother or father. This means letting them know what is going on in a way that they can understand for their age. For example: A young preschool aged child may just need to know that mommy and daddy are not happy living together any more and that they feel they will be happier if they live in two separate houses.  More information can be shared as you feel it is needed or when they ask.
  • It ,of course. is not helpful for children to know the intricate details of what has happened.  Sharing information about an affair that has taken place is not helpful. Or sharing information about all of your soon to be ex or ex’s faults and inappropriate behaviors will not help. This simple advice is not simple in that as children get older they will ask more questions and want more specific answers. The bottom line is to try not to bash the other parent, as your child will need to have a healthy relationship with the other parent.  Sometimes just relaying that you had grown up problems that made it too hard to live together any more will work, at least initially.  Deciding together what you want the children to know and sticking with this agreed upon explanation is best. Yes this might be hard, but the most helpful for children. As children age, you may feel it is needed to share more information about the relationship that ended.  This information needs to be given in a thoughtful and mindful way. It may be that more details are needed by children or teens.  If you are not prepared, when your child asks you can tell them you want to think about the best way to answer their questions and then you can followup after some careful consideration.
  • As to the relationship with your soon to be ex or your ex, this may look different for different families. One thing to consider is if the relationship you want or have is confusing for your children. For example: In most cases, continuing to live in the same house can be confusing, if the marital relationship has ended. There may be exceptions, but in general this is hard for children to understand. As to how much time do you spend with your ex-wife or ex husband and your child together. This really does vary with each family.  For some children they think mom and dad are getting back together when many activities are done together. It is a complex question and there is not a simple answer. There also is what you feel is most comfortable. If it was a mutually agreed upon divorce, it is easier. But if one of you wanted the relationship and the other did not, this is more complex. Again being thoughtful and mindful as you create this new co-parent relationship will help.

Another question to consider, “What is best for you?”

  • If your spouse is trying to keep you in the relationship and you know it is not possible, consider how to help them accept this in a way that is least painful.  Acknowledging your part in the relationship ending can help in later forging a new co-parenting relationship. 
  • When someone new comes into your life, more potential shifts may need to happen with your spouse. Lots of good, open communication with all parties will go a long way.
  • If you find your situation is complex, find a good therapist to help you process and come up with what might work best for you. 
  • Being realistic as to what will work and not work is a reality. Again, you will have your own unique situation and you will do the best  you can with it. That is all we can do.

If your children can see their parents have a co-parenting relationship of respect and cooperation this is ideal. If there are circumstances with safety issues, etc. it may not be perfect, but your compassion and respectful language in regard to the other parent will help. Best wishes in finding ways to form this new relationship that is most helpful to your children, yourself and your ex-spouse.

Do you know about Choregus, Tulsa’s Modern Dance Performances?

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choregus performance KoreshDo you like modern dance and music performances? You might consider checking out Choregus. They host world-class contemporary dance and music performances here in Tulsa. Their season runs from September through April and is held at Cascia Hall’s Performing Arts Center (Helmerich Theatre). Tickets are $15 – $40.  per performance. Plus discount tickets are available. I was not aware of this group until this summer and decided to do a post so that those looking for activities to do as a couple or as a family could be aware of this opportunity. I think they are worth checking out. They were the 2012 recipient of the Oklahoma Governor’s Arts in Education award.

You can call 918-688-6112 for more information. I would also suggest that you go into their website www.choregus.org to get detailed information about each of their performances.  There are links to view the dance or music company coming to perform.

The next two performances that are scheduled are:

Koresh Dance Company

Saturday, October 5 at 8:00 pm and Sunday, October 6 at 3:00 pm

Gillim Dance

Saturday, November 16 at 8:00 pm and Sunday, November 17 at 3:00 pm

I have not had the opportunity to attend any of Choregus’s performances, but I have two professional colleagues who have season tickets to Choregus and very much enjoy the performances that they bring into Tulsa.

If  you are a modern dance fan, this could be a very fun date night.   Or if you have a child who likes modern dance this could be a fun parent / child or family activity. Hope you will be able to check this out.