Using Your Upset Feelings to Feel Better

sad pic of young woman

You are upset. You are sad. You are mad. You are scared. The question is what do you do with your upset feelings?  You can stuff them, you can wallow in them, you can grow them, you can ignore them, you can share them over and over without taking any real action and more. OR you can use your upset feelings to feel better. So how does that work?

How to Use Your Upset Feelings to FEEL BETTER . . .

  1. First of all try to see your FEELINGS as your own INTERNAL GUIDANCE SYSTEM. Simply put, see your feelings as a “navigation tool”. They can put you in touch with how YOU are really doing and can be an accurate “measurement” of your well-being. Your feelings are a good friend!
  2. Acknowledge your feelings. Avoid stuffing, ignoring or telling yourself that they don’t matter. Listen to your feelings  & give them the RESPECT they deserve. You are respecting yourself when you respect your feelings. Example: “I am feeling really sad today. I don’t like that I had an argument with my husband this morning.”
  3. Shift to neutral. Take some deep breaths and calm yourself. Bringing yourself to a place of “neutral” can help you then progress to the feelings you want.  Example: “I am going to take some deep breaths. It’s all going to be ok.” Deep Breath. Deep Breath. Deep Breath. Continue to use positive self talk and deep breaths until you feel more neutral.  Example: “I know we can work this out. ” Deep Breath. Deep Breath. Deep Breath. 
  4. After you have calmed, CHOOSE how you want to feel.  It is a bit of a choosing to shift process. If we can shift or change gears early on with our feelings, after acknowledging them and calming ourselves, we have a better chance of going to the place of well-being we want to be in. So if you are sad and you want to be happy. Then you make a conscious choice to have happy feelings. We can choose how we want to feel.  Example: “I  am choosing to feel happy and go about my day. It feels good to be happy.”
  5. Take ACTION if need be. Take care of yourself by following up with those feelings you had that were upsetting if need be. Example: ” I am going to talk with my husband about our argument and see how we can work this out. I know we can find a solution.” 
  6. Long term stuffed feelings may need more acknowledging and working through and more steps of action. Reoccurring feelings or patterns may need more processing and clearing. This will include finding ways to shift and change things that have been affecting you. Taking action is what is key here. Having a support person or a therapist would be helpful in this kind of situation.

happy woman smiling

So use those upset feelings to feel better. Listen to your feelings. They are telling you something is not right. They can advice you something needs corrected. And you have the power to do that. Choose what is best for you!