The holidays can be stressful for all of us. If you have had a recent loss or even one that is significant and years ago, it is even more challenging. We are all unique in how we grieve and that is important to take into account as to looking at the strategies I have listed. Doing what is best for you and your children is what is a general guiding principle.

1. ASSESS WHAT YOU & YOUR CHILDREN NEED FOR THE UPCOMING HOLIDAYS

Some questions that may help you access what you need.

• What does your gut say what you need for yourself and / or for your children?
• What kind of triggers are coming up for you and / or your children as the holidays approach? Note: Your children can be a toddler or a young adult or a not so young adult. They are always our children and part of being a parent is to help them through hard times.
• What do you feel would be too much for you and your children?
• What do you feel would feel best for you? Being at home? Activities outside of home? With what kind of balance?
• Who do you want to be with / who feels supportive and really gets what is going on for you?
• Are there some things that you absolutely do not want to do during the holidays?
• Is there a way or ways you want to honor the person you have lost throughout the holidays?

2. DEVELOP A CUSTOM PLAN THAT IS BEST FOR YOU WITH SETTING NEEDED BOUNDARIES

• Plan early.
• Be flexible. Have some plan B’s. Consider not forcing what it turns out you really do not want to do in regard to what you originally planned. Or just feels like it is too much. It is ok to shift to what is needed.
• Try to be respectful of your children’s grieving style, especially if it is different than yours. And be respectful of your own as well.
• Decide what folks you want to spend time with and set up these together times early on so they can get be set in the busy holiday season. Plan as many get togethers as you feel you and your children need or want.
• Sometimes we have well meaning friends or family that want us to do something we are not ready to do or may never want to do. This is up to us. We know what is best for us. We can respectably set boundaries or do what makes the most sense for us.

3. REMEMBERING ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AND THERE IS NO NORMAL

• As we grieve, we find that our feelings are like waves – up and down. It is ok to feel all of our feelings, the uncomfortable, distressing feelings and it is ok as well to have happy feelings too. Accepting our hard feelings is the first step in healing.

• We will always have parts of the person we lost with us. And it is ok to miss them. And it is ok to continue a relationship with them, just in a different way. Incorporating what our individual beliefs are about after death can be helpful. This will vary for each person.

4. WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT DO YOU NEED &. PUTTING IT IN PLACE EARLY

• Putting things in place early is important. This is particularly important with our support people. Everyone’s schedules get very busy during holiday months. And for most of us, we have an inner circle of people that really get us and help us through our toughest times. It is not a bad. thing to broaden our support network, just for this reason noted.
• Of course, it may be a friend, a family member or a church or group we identify with that know what we are going through. This can help us to not feel so alone. Of course, some. people feel we are never truly alone, depending on your beliefs.

5. COPING STRATEGIES FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Having some ‘go to coping strategies’ for our grief is helpful. There is nothing wrong with expressing our feelings, but there may be times we choose to shift and reach for a better feeling. For some this is when we know we are going to be in a group and we want to keep it together or it may be we want to be in more calm and together way if we feel our children need this from us if they are going through a tough time. Or to be functional at our work place. For the purpose of this brief blog article, I will list general options you can explore. Keep note of what works for you.

• Deep Breathing
• Positive Affirmations or Positive Self Talk
• Tapping
• Havening
• Journaling
• Meditation
• Yoga
• Walking Outside or Any Kind of Movement
• Eye Rest – Progressive Relaxation
• Container for Upset or Passing on to Higher Power
• Pleasant Distraction
• Soft, Relaxing Music or Healing Music
• Being Out in Nature
• Having a Form of Communication with the Person Who Has Passed
• Regular Time Being with a Trusted Support Person Who Gets You and Does Not Judge
• Working with a Therapist on a Regular Basis
• Taking Grief Breaks / Doing Something You Enjoy

Online Oklahoma Women’s Grief Group – Connection and Support for the Holidays

For those of you who live in OK, I am offering an Online Oklahoma’s Women’s Group – Connection & Support During the Holidays. This will be held November 4 – December 9 on Tuesday mornings, 9:00 -10:30 am, Oklahoma Central Time.

Click the link below at the bottom of this page to see more detailed information on this upcoming group. Registration is due by this Friday, October 31, as this group starts next Tuesday, 9:00 – 10:30 am ,November 4 – December 9.

Contact Tanna to register: 918-749-1550 or tanna@stromtherapy.com

I can also do custom groups and can see individuals or families for grief counselling – In Person or Online. You can find out more about my practice on my website: www.stromtherapy.com

Below is the link to the flyer for the “Online, OK Women’s Grief Group – Connection and Support for the Holidays” I am offering.

https://t.e2ma.net/webview/xuq03h/ede4eccf8619d1cddbd6b1e506419fc1