You want to feel connected. You want to feel like you are being heard and that your loved one is there for you. There are actions that you can incorporate within your relationship to nurture that emotional connection that you so want. You can silence the “alarm bells” that ring within your brain’s amygdala when you are feeling distant from your spouse or partner.
In Dr. Sue Johnson’s book, HOLD ME TIGHT – Seven Conversations for a Life Time of Love, she talks about 3 Keys to Emotional Connection that are needed for love to sustain. They are as follows:
A = Accessibility This is about you being there for each other. This would be physically and emotionally. It means being willing to be open and share your feelings . You share and listen on a deeper level with one another.
R = Responsiveness You respond to your partner or spouse’s signals that they need you. When there is a fight or disagreement you make it clear you want to resolve the issue. You are there when your partner or spouse is feeling anxious. You create a feeling of safety with each other.
E = Engagement You are emotionally engaged with each other in a positive way. You feel safe enough with each other to talk about anything. You care about each other’s feelings and well-being. There is a sense of connection even when you are not physically with each other.
Dr. Johnson calls this A.R.E. Quoting Johnson, she says you can remember this with the simple phrase, “Are you there, are you with me?”
Dr. Johnson is a clinical psychologist and researcher and is the founder of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. I have found her research and work immensely helpful in my work as a therapist. She has 30 years of research under her belt and has been focused and adult love attachments and how to repair breaks in love relationships. Her book HOLD ME TIGHT is intended for the public and is excellent.
I wish you the best in finding ways to be emotionally connected to your loved one.