Let’s look at the number 1 stress buster for the holidays – SIMPLIFY. So what does it mean when we say simplify? Does it mean do nothing or give up on the holidays? Absolutely not. Let’s look at the basics … Continue reading
With the holiday season upon us, it sometimes feels like all we hear from our children is “what they want for Christmas”. Many of us hope that we can help our children develop a more balanced approach to what they want / need and helping others with what they want / need. The focus of this blog piece will be on the end of teaching our children about giving. “Giving is a basic value that makes our society a humane and civilized one.” This is not always easy as there is just so much of us during the holiday season. So it becomes about us too as adults coming to terms with our own balance of the two things. So it may start there with us examining our own hearts.
I decided to re-visit this topic that comes up for me ever so often in my own family. I was at Philbrook Museum of Art over the Thanksgiving holiday with my family and saw the beautiful outdoor Christmas tree decorated for the bird’s to nibble on. It made me think of the trees I have created in the past with my children when they were younger for the birds. And thought again of the issue of making sure I create this “self-care / other care” balance in my family. So here are a few ideas on the side of giving to others.
I hope you will find your balance in your family of self-care and other care. And that you will give your children this holiday season the gift of giving. Happy Holidays and Best Wishes! Tanna
Want to encourage your family to be thankful and appreciative of one another? I am always trying to think of ways to encourage this kind of interaction to take place in my own family and with the families I work with. We might remember to be thankful of those outside our family, but at times we overlook those closest to us. So let’s use Thanksgiving as a start point in remembering to show our thankfulness for our loved ones.
I have always liked the activity at Thanksgiving where you go around and tell one thing you are thankful for.This is a fun one to do around the dinner table. This is fairly easy for most people to do. Most of us can think of one thing that we are thankful for. It is good to remind folks it can be a small thing. It does not have to be large. I have enjoyed this version, But I am thinking of another version for this Thanksgiving that I thought I might share.
In this version you are encouraging the family to reflect about what they like about their family as a whole. It is easy to take family for granted. And Thanksgiving is a perfect time to think about this. Now it may be that you do not like everything or very much about your family. But my guess is that with some thought you can think of one thing you are grateful for. I might note that family can be the family you have created and gave birth to or it can be your family of origin.
If you really can not do this version, then go back to what you are in general thankful for. But you can use this as a time to think to yourself or with your partner or spouse what family attributes you wish to create that later your children will be thankful for. That is a bit deeper. But sometimes thinking ahead can be a good thing. What we project out is many times what we get back. It is sort of like goal setting or creating an intention.
I wish you all the very best of Thanksgivings!
I sometimes suggest a “Happy Journal” for a client who needs to do more focusing on the “happy stuff”. I at times will ask the entire family to partake in this simple, but very effective activity. I always like to remind folks that “what we focus on is what we get more of”. Thus, for those who want to have a happier family here is a tool to encourage your family to look for the happy in their lives.
The Set Up for Beginning Your Happy Journal Family Adventure
I hope you will try this whether your family is just you as a couple or if you are a couple with a young child or if you are a single parent family or a blended one. It is all good, encouraging each other to see the happy things that are all around us!!!
If you have not been to Bixby’s Pumpkin Patch in a while, you should go check it out. We had not been in a couple of years and were surprised at the wide variety of things to do. This would be a wonderful fall break activity or any time in October. Their last day is October 31. So you have a few more weekends to have a bit of fun in the Bixby countryside. For those of you that do not know, Bixby is South of Tulsa, going straight out on Memorial. Bixby is known as one of Oklahoma’s strong produce areas due to its rich dark soil, being close to the Arkansas river.
What: “The Pumpkin Patch”, which is associated with Carmichael’s Produce on South Memorial (but not at the same location) has pumpkins of all sizes, colors and shapes , plus other decorative fall produce and corn stalks. Animals (lots of babies and mamas) of all kinds. Camel Rides. A Cane Maze. A Pony Go Round with Live Ponies. Hay Bale Climbing Area. Wagon Ride. A Concession Stand. And more.
Where: 17137 S. Mingo, Bixby, OK (South East Corner of 171st and Mingo). Steve Carmichael suggested I remind folks that you will need to go down Memorial and over the Arkansas river into Bixby before you can access Mingo in the Bixby area. This is slightly into the country. Yahoo! The best contact number is: 918-366-4728. This is Carmichael’s Produce number and they are best able to answer questions for you about the Pumpkin Patch.
When: Current – October 31, 2015. 9:00 am – 7:00 pm Monday – Saturday & 10:00 am – 7:00 pm Sunday
Why: For a Very Fun Fall Family or Couple Activity. For all ages. And there is no entrance fee.
Mama Goat and her Babies
A Pair of Beautifully Marked Sheep
A Gorgeous Porcupine
A Pretty Rabbit
There are many more animals to enjoy, but too numerous to include. You will find chickens, pigs, horses, camels and more. So if you are an animal lover, you will love this. Many of the children were enjoying feeding all of these sweet creatures.
A Fun Real Pony Carousel
Enter the Cane Maze
This was actually much larger than we realized. It was so much fun to weave in and out of the paths. Scare Crows were placed throughout the maze. A fun walk for a family or as a couple. So hope you will consider this fun venue that is only open in October. Here is to lots of fall fun!
It is that time of year. It is back to school for your children. You may have some anxiety about what the new teacher or teachers will be like. Will they be nice? Will they be strict? Will they work with you as a parent? We just want the best for our children. One thing that can give your child an extra boost is if you have a good parent teacher relationship. Teachers are human and they cannot help but let parents affect their view of the child in their classroom. So you may want to consider the following tips in regard to developing a good connection with your child’s teacher or teachers.
The key to a good parent teacher relationship is really like any good relationship. One in which there is respectful, positive communication with sharing of gratitude and appreciation. This solid foundation creates a space in which problems can be worked on in a collaborative fashion. Best of wishes in creating a positive parent teacher relationship!
Looking for a way to calm yourself or help your child calm himself. Try this very simple breathing technique. What makes it a bit different is that it is extremely simple and tries to incorporate your memory of a pleasant sight and smell. And most of all it is Simple, Simple, Simple. And I have decided so many times those are the things we can remember easily if we are feeling stressed and over the top.
Here is my version of this simple technique:
Alternatives to the Rose:
You might consider if you want to do the rose as your “calming anchor” to make sure you on purpose smell some roses outside or at a flower market and breath in their fragrance and do this exercise to build in a memory.
I have decided you never know where you might pick up a good idea. In this case, I was watching the movie, Danny Collins. There is a part where his young granddaughter is having trouble calming herself. Danny’s granddaughter has a diagnosis of ADHD. The father tells her to remember her rose and then he walks his daughter through a similar kind of exercise that I have added to a bit. I always want to give credit to sources that inspire or plant a seed for an idea for me.
I wish you the best in finding your own special rose or rose garden!
I decided as a family therapist I should go check out the new movie, INSIDE OUT. As I knew I would have children talking with me about what they saw and their reactions to it. Plus, a nice lead in as to talking about feelings. What I found is that INSIDE OUT is probably really suited best for older children and adults. I found lots of adult couples taking the show in the day I went. And for good reason, the messages are really best for those with some abstract reasoning.
The show is coming from the perspective of 11-year-old Riley’s feelings. The “stars” of the movie are: Joy, Fear, Angry, Disgust, and Sadness. Riley’s mind or “command center” is directing her actions. Riley has just moved to a new city due to Dad’s new job. Riley’s past experiences have been happy ones in general and the move and transition to a new city and new school has her confused and upset as she tries to transition to her new life.
You might ask so what are some of the core messages that someone might come away with? Well for me I found the following:
I like to tell my clients (children and adults alike) that feelings are our friends. They are our emotional guidance systems. They help us know what is really going on with us and what we may need to do to get back to where we want to be.
All this said, this movie is not a light, happy-go-lucky movie. And some feel it is sad or a bit dark. I had an elementary aged boy tell me recently he thought the movie was sad. When I asked which part, he said lots of parts. This was his individual perspective. There are some fun, humor parts. Some of these parts of intended for children and some for adults. The movie does has more depth than some folks would anticipate though.
I did feel the movie probably over simplified how memory works. And put a bit of a dark spin on it. Even though I do know that negative memories do have more affect on us than the positive ones. One reason we want to try to keep the happy memories at a much higher level to keep them in place in our brains.
http://www.commonsensemeda.org is an organization that can be helpful at times in giving some thoughtful insight for parents in movies that come out. Some of the parents on this site who reviewed this movie had some concerns about the incident were the main character 11-year-old Riley steals her mom’s credit card and runs away and when she is re-united with her parents that they do not have a discussion with her about these actions. Another reviewer talks about preschool children crying over sad incidents in the movie. Most of the positive reviews tended to come from parents who had older elementary children or teens.
Note: As with all movies parents have the huge responsibility of deciding what is a good fit for their individual child and what they are ready to see. Not an easy thing. This movie is probably best for children who have some abstract reasoning in place.
We can always have discussion with our children after viewing a movie. I think one of the best part of a movie is the dialogue it creates. So if you feel there was a missing piece then by all means talk with your child about it.
If you are not feeling sure what you think as to your child seeing this movie, you could do a date night and go see it as parents first. This I think is always a helpful strategy for a movie we are not sure about. I do feel this movie does a nice job of highlighting for parents some of the core messages I mentioned above.
Best wishes in deciding if your child is ready for this one. If they are, there are some good core messages to glean from it.
Please note that pictures are taken from the Disney / Pixar website.
This last weekend we went to the Oklahoma Renaissance Festival in Muskogee, OK. It is held at the Castle of Muskogee. This was our first time to attend this festival that recreates a 16th Century Renaissance English Village. The festival has a nice mix of performers and artisans and hands on activities and unique merchants and lots of food of course. This is a family friendly event. But it does appear that for toddlers and pre-schoolers it may not be an ideal activity. If you decide to give it a try with very young children, you will find there are some activities that will be workable. This would be the case for pre-schoolers opposed to toddlers. There appears to be something for almost all ages. It is a unique festival with lots of educational information about this Renaissance time period.
Some of the performances that are part of the festival are the following:
In the Tournament Arena: Twice a day there is a Jousting Event. We did have an opportunity to witness this event and found it very entertaining. There is a Birds of Prey Performance in which you will see Falconers working with owls, buzzards, hawks and a falcon. You can experience Bronze Bells Music if you wish. I know there is a Scottish Bagpipes Performance as well. This is only a partial listing.
On Somer’s Field: you will witness and participate if you like in a Maypole Dance.
At the Dragon’s Stage: Bob the Juggler performs.
You will find musicians and dancers and performers in the Village Center, the Crown Inn, at the Castle Keepe and in the Gypsy Camp. The Swordsmen are in the Italian Piazza and The Brothers Dimm are on the Mud Stage and much, much more.
The Woodlands are set up specifically for children. Activities such as making paper and marbles are activities for children to experience. Plus special games are available.
There is a set schedule for performances. You might consider buying the one dollar guidebook which has this schedule. You can also get information on the events and schedule online at okcastle.com . I would encourage you to check out their website so you can know what is available and go to those areas first if they are of special interest to you. This is something we did not do that I feel would have been helpful. We loved what we found in a spontaneous fashion but we also missed a few performances that I wish we would have known about.
You will find the staff all in period dress of course. What I was surprised about was that many of the folks who attended where in period dress. We overheard one parent tell her child that they could find one item to add to their growing costume. It appeared that they chose one piece each year to add to their costume. What fun! Each day there is a costume contest at 2:00 pm at the Great Hall.
I hope you will have a chance to check this out if you have not done so in the past. The last day for this season is May 31, 2015. If you have activities you have really enjoyed or have tips for families as to attending this festival, please share. Thanks! Best wishes for a fun family day.
Want a mother’s day gift that your mom will treasure that shows your appreciation and love for her and all she has done? Or maybe as the dad of children at home you are looking for an idea you can help your children create. You might consider a “A Mother’s Day Letter”. This is a wonderful way to focus on all the good that your mom has brought to you and to the world around her.
I was inspired to do this blog piece after reading an article by Reid Tracey, CEO of Hayhouse and his own personal letter to his mom. And then just an added confirmation that I should champion this cause a bit when a friend recently told me of her adult daughter publishing a letter about her on face book. You can read this letter at the end of my post.
So here are my own thoughts on putting together a Mother’s Day Letter. First of all this could come in more than one format. I have suggested some formats below.
Letter to Your Own Mom
Letters from Your Children to Your Wife
Letter to the Mother of Your Children
Collection of Letters to Mom (your whole family collecting them and presenting them together)
Last but not least, I was given consent to post my friend’s letter her young adult daughter wrote to share with her Facebook community. For privacy I have left names off of this letter.
As a child my parents owned a small kid’s shoe store for 12 years, so I grew up working there. As my mother’s health has declined I am so thankful for all of the time I spent growing up working there with my mother. Many of my best childhood memories are working in the store with her. Looking back now I realize all the things she taught me there about business and life in general. My favorite thing was going to market down in Dallas every year. It was better than any expensive vacation. She allowed me to help run the business doing things like managing inventory , reconciling the money every night, training new employees, arranging and maintaining the front area, helping come up with advertising ideas, and so many other things! She inspired my love for business! She shaped me into the person I am today and I am so thankful for every day I have with her. I love seeing franchisees providing this same amazing opportunity to their children!
I hope you will choose to write a letter to your mom. Our words are so powerful and stay with us for a very long time, especially in written format. Happy Mother’s Day!
creating branches 