Meals that Nourish and Connect You and Your Family

Posted on May 2, 2015 by Tanna Strom

Mealtimes can be a powerful ritual in keeping you emotionally connected to your family. You may be a young couple or a family with small children or maybe a family with teens. Or an empty nest couple. All of these categories apply. When we are all so very busy with our lives having set times that we meet together is important. Mealtimes are a natural time to nourish our bodies physically & emotionally. It is not uncommon for me to hear families talk about all eating at different times or for some taking their food to their own separate space to continue with whatever they were doing – watching tv, playing a computer game, face-booking, continuing a work project, etc. This can be so easy to fall into with our busy lives. Here is some “food for thought” as to how to make mealtimes a powerful “connect time”.

Consider Your Family and It’s Current Mealtimes.

What do you like about your current mealtimes in your home? What do you want to make sure that you keep in place?
What do you NOT like? What do you wish would be happening instead? What would be the first step in doing what you feel is better?
Do you have meals together? How often?
What is the tone of your mealtimes? Positive? Negative? Lots of sharing or not so much?
Are meals viewed as important in your household?
Does everyone participate in putting meals together and or cleaning up after?

Make Your Meals an Awesome Connecting Ritual.

Put Family Meals in Your Schedule. For so many of us, unless we schedule it, it will not happen. It may mean you have to do a healthy snack late afternoon to get everyone through until you can all re-unite. Or it may mean all eating early to accommodate early evening commitments. The point is to shift and adapt to make this a priority. There will be times it will not work for all of you to eat together, but for those that are there, go for this time together. For some very busy families, it may mean having a couple of times a week that are set in place, with an understanding that activities are not to be scheduled in that time frame. To start with if planning this is very challenging you might do one night a week to begin with.
Let Everyone Have a Part in Meal Preparation and Cleanup . This will be different for different families. You might have one family that rotates children in the kitchen to help the parent who is making the meal or maybe children help clear the table, etc. At our house who ever cooks gets a pass on helping with cleanup. Do what fits for you and your family.
No texting, No tweeting, No face booking, No phone calls at the dinner table. I am sure I missed a couple here. The point is that this is a special time you have set aside to eat and be together. This includes asking that no screen devices be brought to the table. Just too tempting. Some families have a basket where all phones are deposited at the beginning of the meal. I would even suggest to keep the environment peaceful that everyone mute their phones. Wouldn’t that be nice. No beeping, buzzing, ringing, etc, etc, And answering the home phone that is ringing is not ok unless you hear voice mail go through and it is a critical someone is very ill call. I stand a bit firm on this one, I guess because I see a real erosion of family time due to our current management of our very high-tech world we live in. You might consider this training for your children in how to handle screen time when they are with others.
Consider Starting the Meal with a Time of “Gratitude” or “Thankfulness”. This could be in a prayer format if this fits for your family. Or it could be a new ritual you start by each saying something you are grateful for that happened that day. Even in a prayer format you could have each person do their own individual gratitude prayer. If all of this feels uncomfortable, you might just consider talking about these kinds of things during the meal.
Feeling the “Love” of Family – Ask that no one disrespect the other or on purpose cause a conflict during mealtimes. Try to frame this as a time for you all to encourage and uplift one another.You can model by asking how each person’s day has been and really listen carefully and give encouragement when needed.
As Parents or as a Couple Choose not to use This as a Time to Talk About Problems. Keep your meal times positive. This is not to say you should not address problems. Just at another time.
A Fun Feeling Activity . One playful way of seeing how things are going for all is to have each person “choose a feeling” and ask each person to tell something that happened to them that day that fits with this feeling. For example: “What is the happiest thing that happened today?” Others might include: saddest, the best thing, the most weird, the most crazy, the funniest thing, the hardest thing, the easiest thing, the most surprising, etc. If a family member draws a blank then the person giving out the feeling state, can throw out another one. Just a fun way of checking out everyone’s day.
Consider Asking All to Stay at the Table until Everyone is Finished Eating. This is just good manners and showing respect for one another. And if one does need to leave, maybe encouraging that they excuse themselves with why they need to leave from the table. Just a way to show you care and respect each other. Being respectful is one of the foundations for good relationships.

If you do your own fun mealtime rituals that work well, I would love to hear about them. Here is to lots of meals of connection with your family!

Do I need to be playful and light-hearted to be happy and connected? It depends!

Posted on April 11, 2015 by Tanna Strom

Is it necessary to be playful and show your “fun” side to be happy and connected? I think this depends on what you want from your life. If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, you might consider the many benefits of having some “play time”. What this means will be different for different folks. There is planned play and then there is random acts of playfulness. Sometimes a mix of both. All are good for you. Play is not just for children. Let’s look at some ways that play is beneficial, some of the components of healthy, restorative play and some thoughts on both planned play and random acts of playfulness.

Benefits of Tapping Into Your Playful Self

It gives your overworked brain a break. In particular your amygdala, the center that alerts you if there is potential danger or harm coming your way. When your amygdala is calm, so are you. The relaxed state of play can give your brain a needed break.
Play gives you respite from worry and upset. When you are in a playful state, your focus has shifted away from the worries and stresses of your life.
Play is a wonderful medium to help you connect with your loved ones. ♥♥ Play can create a space for loving / nurturing interactions . Actually for all relationships: couples, parents and children, siblings, families.
A relaxed play state can help you recharge and think more clearly, allowing for more creativity and effective problem solving. I know many of my best ideas come when I am in a relaxed state.
Play can aid in healing mentally or physically. Being in a relaxed, non stressed state gives our body the rest it needs to heal.
It can bring you joy and happiness. And isn’t that something we all want and desire!

Components of Healthy, Restorative Play

Competition is not emphasized. In its purest form it would be cooperative and mutually satisfying. There can be healthy competitive play. Considering your goal would be good here. In general for all those involved, cooperative play is going to feel the best for all concerned and do more for relationship building. Competitive play can help one prepare for the competitive world we live in and develop a healthy outlook on competition, especially if developmental age and talents are considered. But for the goal of lowering stress and relationship building, cooperative play is best. If you do something with a winner / loser, keep it light. If you are doing this as a family, model a light-hearted approach to your game.
It is fun and all those involved are enjoying it. Basically it should be mutually satisfying for all.
It is inclusive. No one is left out or made to feel as it they are not a real part of the play.
If it is parent child or family play, it is at the children’s developmental level. If something is too far above our level of understanding or capabilities , it is stressful. This goes for children and adults.
It feels uplifting and positive. There is focus on fun and enjoyment. We would of course avoid criticizing or telling another what to do. This is not to say that redirecting and establishing appropriate boundaries and limits for children are not a needed component.
There is a healthy flow of taking turns in leading the play. It has a cooperative, shared kind of feel to it. No one person dominating.
It does not involve electronic devices and these are not used during your play. This would be in the purest state the most conducive for interaction. There may be some times that watching a funny movie or doing an electronic game together may be what you want. But other forms of play will bring lots of other additional benefits. Or at least keeping it balanced can be helpful between the two avenues. If you are using electronic devices you can try to remember to add in playful touches and conversation. Plus more one on one non screen interaction afterwards.
Healthy, fun bantering and light-hearted teasing as a couple. With children (and with some adults) it is best to gauge for sensitivity and upset with your light-hearted teasing. This is meant to be fun, not hurtful at any level.
Open affection and laughter is a good hallmark of healthy play. Holding hands, hugs, kisses, friendly and open interest.
You feel expansive and good during and afterwards. There is a light feeling that is a part of this kind of play.

Planned Play

Due to the very busy lives we all lead, it is necessary to plan for times of play or opportunities for play. For some it may not happen unless it is planned. This is not a bad thing, just a necessary thing. Even within the planned times, you will find opportunities for more spontaneous, out of the box playfulness. Having set play times can be very helpful for busy couples or families. It may be a planned family activity once a week. Or a date night in which playful things are included. Or a quarterly get away for a couple to relax and play. This does not have to be far away, just a scheduled time to “be together” in a playful fun state. But most of all it is is important to remember that play is not so much about a specific get away or activity (even thought that can be fun), but more about a state of mind and attitude and blocking of time to create an atmosphere or space where it is more likely to happen.

Some other examples:

Doing versions of child activities as adults or with adolescents. And of course, doing child activities with your children. This creates a fun base that encourages playfulness. Some examples: Silly String Fight. Blowing Bubbles. Slap Jack.
Creative activities lead to allowing for playfulness. Things such as: Arts and Crafts. Cooking. Decorating. Lego Building. Telling Stories.
Encouraging humor. Telling jokes. Watching funny movies together. Parents and children reading funny books together.
Being in nature together. Spending time outdoors creates a sense of well-being that can allow for more playful feelings.

Random Acts of Playfulness

Is there anything better than having some random acts of playfulness happening? I think not. I love this the very best myself. For example: I was at a muddy outdoor event and my husband decided to give me a piggy back ride across an especially muddy area. It was so light-hearted and fun. That was actually the high light of that fun event we attended. It just felt so playful and fun.

Random acts of playfulness are really more about acting from our playful side of our self. It is about being open to this playfulness by both people. Letting our self have this light, freeing interaction even at times that are not ideal can help relieve stress. Maybe you have a hard day, but you come home and decide to let that slide away and be with your loved one in a way that promotes a feeling of connection and playfulness. It is a lovely choice we can choose to make.

Ending Notes

There are times when we do need to be serious and have extreme focus. As with so many things in life BALANCE is a real key. Your playful self is wonderfully complementary. Here is to lots of playful, connecting times ahead!

Please let me know of Random Acts of Playfulness that have occurred for you. This may give other ideas as to how to express this fun, more spontaneous side of themselves. Maybe we should all take a pledge of seeing how many Random Acts of Playfulness we can spread around this next week. What a win – win situation, for us and our loved ones!

Natural Dyeing of Easter Eggs – A Family Affair

Posted on April 2, 2015 by Tanna Strom

Children love to color their own Easter eggs. So do adults! If you are looking for an inter-generational activity that is fun and connecting, this is it. I tested this out last year by having this as an activity for my Easter guests who were all of all ages. It was a hit. With all ages “getting into it”, including the males in the family, even Grandpa seemed to enjoy the coloring of eggs and intricate design work. See the picture above of our finished eggs. Our eggs were placed on a 3 tier wire cupcake holder lined with lettuce and a few sprinkles of grated carrots for an Easter look and a way to keep the eggs from rolling around too much.

What is even more fun is to use natural plant-based dyes made from food you have in your kitchen. We are talking red cabbage, beets, onions, coffee, frozen blueberries, etc. This is a bit of an art / science experiment that everyone can get into. This is sort of old, old school. Not only no plastic eggs, but dyes that are good for you and the environment that were used before artificial dyes were on the market. I am listing some of the foods that can create dyes for your Easter eggs. For natural egg dye recipes and instructions for your Easter eggs go to: http://www.marthastewart.com/267850/dyeing-eggs-naturally . You may also consider checking out the following blog piece: www.yourhomebasedmom.com/naturally-dyed-easter-eggs/ She has a smaller recipe with a bit less time involvement with examples of using these dyes with children.

Red cabbage creates blue.

Brewed coffee or tea creates brown.

Blueberries will create a blue-gray.

Beets will create a pink.

Onions with yellow skins will create a yellow. And purple onion skins will give you purple.

Tumeric can also create a yellow. (Tumeric is a spice.)

Paprika will create a muted red / orange.

Making the Dye as Part of Your Easter Event.

If you have the space or a smaller group, you can let folks help make the plant-based dyes. This will involve some time, so this would be something to consider as to including this piece in your Easter event. The younger your children, the more challenging it will be, due to that most of the dyes need to be cooked on the stove. Some dyes are more simple to prepare than others. So finding ones that are easy and not a long process may work best. Each person can be in charge of a certain color or colors. Your children will think this is so cool and it is! What fun to see the dyes you can create and then how your eggs will absorb and create color on the eggs.

A few General Tips:

The longer an egg sets in a natural dye the more intense the color. For a super intense look you can even do a soak overnight in the refrigerator.
The white egg will give you a more clear color. Brown eggs will give you a more muted, antique soft look.
With natural dyes you will want to keep stirring the egg to keep the dye even on the egg.
There are cold water dyes that can be created. These will be bit more muted unless you soak for a longer period of time. And then for more intense colors boiling the plant-based item with or without the eggs is suggested by some.
It appears that vinegar is a setting agent for many recipes. And some suggest salt as helpful.
Be prepared for a bit of a mess. No biggie, For little ones (or for big ones who are concerned) you can cover up with aprons or old shirts. Having a base to work from on the table can help. A plate with a paper towel placed on top to set your egg on is helpful. And yes your hands may get a bit of dye on them. But most will wash off with soap and water and the rest wears off pretty quickly. One idea would be to buy some disposable rubber gloves to keep hands clean if this is a real concern. Spoons to stir your eggs help. A pretty plastic table-cloth is good for clean up. Tongs might be helpful too for removing eggs from the dye pots. But spoons will work.
The egg carton can be place to let eggs dry out, the cardboard ones are most useful. Some folks use a wire rack to let eggs dry out.
If your group is particularly adventuresome, you can have some empty cups or small bowls for folks to mix colors for their own unique blend.

Very Simple Ways to Create or Decorate Your Eggs:

Two toned eggs can be created by dipping only one portion on one end and then switching to the other side of the egg.
Using crayons to draw something on the egg and then dipping the egg in the dye. This is a crayon resist technique.
A sponge can be used to create a certain look.
Thin lined permanent markers work nicely after the egg has been dyed and dried. Or they can be used on a white or brown un-dyed egg.
Rubber bands are fun to use as a way to keep a certain parts of the egg covered and un-dyed. For a striped look possibly.
Using very small soft leafs can work well to make a leaf print. I have used cilantro and parsley. A piece of panty hose can be tied around the egg and plant to keep it in place during the dyeing process.
Glitter pens can be used after you egg is dyed or for that matter on an un-dyed egg.
For a shiny look after your egg is dyed and dry, you can rub it down with a bit of vegetable oil.

Best wishes in creating YOUR own, unique egg dyeing activity for your family!

“Egg”cellent Eggs – Exchanging Love and Appreciation at Easter Time

Posted on March 27, 2015 by Tanna Strom

Eggs have always had a special meaning during Easter celebrations. A symbol of new life, new beginnings and renewal. Plus, of course egg hunts galore. I am adding a potential activity for your consideration – “Egg”cellent Eggs – Exchanging Your Love & Appreciation at Easter Time. What a wonderful way to be refreshed and renewed by having your family members express how they feel you are a person of “excellence”. I am always searching for unique and fun ways to show love and appreciation. I find celebrations are a perfect time to do so.

“Egg”cellent Eggs – Exchanging Love & Appreciation

The purpose of this Easter activity is to provide an avenue for family members and friends to show their love and appreciation for each other through a fun Easter activity. The activity will center around how we view each family member or friend in the area of how they show their excellence (basically what we feel they are good at).

GATHER MATERIALS.

Plastic Eggs – Use paper strips to enclose inside of plastic eggs special notes of how you feel each family member or friend is a person of “excellence”, what you feel they are good at. You will need enough eggs for each person to do a special egg for each person at the event. Colored markers and paper will be needed as well. Note: In some ways using plastic eggs is the easiest way to do this activity, but “real” deal eggs can work as well

“Real” Deal Eggs – Using permanent markers will work to write your special word or words of how you feel this person excels. Eggs will need to be dyed before hand. Or one could use un-dyed eggs as well and just use markers to decorate and add words that you wish to attribute their positive attributes. You would want to have folks put who the special word or words are from.
Dollar store baskets can be purchased and placed at the dinner table for each person as name tags and an indicator of where to put the eggs that are created for each guest. The reading of the eggs may be a fun activity to do when dishes are cleared and dessert is brought out or picked up from a buffet table. A sweet ending of a meal, opening up your eggs (or looking at the outside of your eggs) and finding out what excellent attributes your family or friends attribute to you.
Another option is to have a very large basket for all of the marked eggs in the center of the dining room table, a fun center piece that will double as an activity.

The “EGG”cellent Eggs can be used as part of an EASTER EGG HUNT. This is another way to use these fun eggs. In this case the egg would need to marked on the outside with the person’s name so when they hunt they will be hunting specifically for their own specially made eggs.
A name tag attached to each basket if you are doing this as a dinner table activity. This can potentially also serve as place tags for who is to sit where if one wishes to do so.
Templates can be obtained on line. The sources used for my name tags are: bunny rabbit template at activityvillage.co.uk; chick template at bigliettidastampare.it Both found on Pinterest. Having children create the name tags is fun way to involve children. Their own unique creations would be a wonderful contribution.

Note: This can be a relatively inexpensive project. I found baskets and eggs at the dollar store and then used left over ribbons, etc.

2. ACTIVITY DIRECTIONS

Everyone pre-make their eggs at home before the Easter Meal or Event. And then put the eggs in the appropriate baskets set out when they arrive. And then at the designated time you have folks look at their special notes of appreciation and love from their families, finding out how they stand out as an excellent person in the eyes of their family and friends.

The creating of the eggs and their messages can be done at the Easter Event and then eggs put in the Easter Baskets provided by the host. Another alternative is for each person to bring their own basket for their eggs.

3. INSTRUCTIONS FOR PARTICIPANTS

Advice those participating if they are to prepare eggs before they come to your Easter event or if it will be done at the time of the event.
Email or send a note to them as to what you want on or in their eggs. You might create a form that you send to them with the needed template to gather the information for their eggs. I find communication is critical for these special kinds of activities to go smoothly. It might go as follows:

____________, YOU are a person of “EGG”cellence!

____________________________________________________

From Date

This note is to be filled in with the person’s name at the very top and then a note indicating what you feel they excel at or are good at. Some examples might be: Adam, YOU are a person of “EGG”cellence! You are so very thoughtful and kind. From Tanna Date April, 2015 OR Jane, YOU are a person of “EGG”cellence! You really know how to make an awesome cherry pie! From Tanna Date April, 2015 OR Aiden, You are a person of “EGG”cellence! You are so friendly to everyone. From Tanna Date April, 2015

Consider how young children can be involved. I might note that even young children who are not writing yet can dictate what they like about another family member. This is a wonderful activity to create positive, warm feelings all way around. If you have a baby or toddler you might image what they may say to another member and write it for them. For example: Daddy, You are a person of “EGG”cellence. I love how you give me hugs and kisses. From Amelia Date April, 2015 Or a preschooler could draw a picture to be included.

This above note format is intended for if you use plastic eggs. If you do dyed eggs you will want to have folks only do a word or phrase on the egg and if possible who it is from on the egg. For example: Very Friendly. From Tanna OR Thoughtful. From Tanna OR Great Cook. From Tanna.

Let them know if you will provide a basket or egg holder or if they need to bring this.
If you have them bring their own basket, advise if they need to put their name on it or if you will be doing this as the host.

4. CONSIDERATIONS FOR RELUCTANT PARTICIPANTS

If you feel you will have some folks who will be uncomfortable doing this activity, you could provide a choice of something they might feel more comfortable doing. For example: You could give the choice of doing the “EGG”cellent Egg for each of their family members or friends OR they can bring a small edible or non edible treat to put in their family member or friend’s basket. If this is done as an egg hunt, they will need to put their treats in plastic eggs.

Notes:

1) You might check out my post on Cooperative Egg Hunts that I did last year for this blog. It is a yearly ritual that I personally am involved with

2) In addition you might check out next week’s post in which I will talk about a natural egg dying activity. This is an old traditional activity that many no longer do because of plastic Easter eggs. This post will go back to the very old school way of dying your eggs with natural plant-based dye. So stay tuned for next week’s post.

Best wishes for a lovely Easter, filled with love and appreciation for one another!

Gratitude Journals that Build Relationships

Posted on January 21, 2015 by Tanna Strom

Gratitude journals are not new, but they are still a practice I find very helpful for myself and my clients. And there are so many different ways to use them. Traditionally they are a daily log of what good things have happened for us that day. It is a way of capturing all the good and reminding our self of what is going well in our lives. Helping us to not let the negative bias of our brain drown out all of the good that has been going on. I was thinking wouldn’t it be nice to take this concept and use it for “relationship building”. So I have chosen this forum to focus on Gratitude Journals that Build Relationships.

Keeping a “Relationship Gratitude Journal”

The Rationale

Relationships thrive on compliments, gratitude and appreciation. The outside world can deal us disappointment and upset at times. When our relationships are filled with the good it is so much easier to get our balance and feel better. And when we feel good about ourselves and our loved ones we feel more inclined to put more into our relationship to keep it strong and well. Gratitude builds good feelings and that is an essential part of a healthy relationship – feeling positive feelings, which leads to feeling connected.

Basic Guidelines

You will be writing about what you appreciate or feel thankful for in regard to your loved one. This could be your husband, your significant other, your daughter or son. You will need to decide who you want to focus on.
Focusing on specific actions and using detailed description of what it is they did or said or didn’t say, etc is most helpful. For example: “I was so grateful when John started supper when I came home late from work.” OR “I loved it when Susan took time to listen to me about . . . even though I know she was busy with . . . “
Be expansive and try to broaden out what you see and hear from your loved one to help illuminate all the parts you see and are grateful for. Try to write about different things that you see. It is ok to duplicate, but try to think of all the different things that are there to appreciate. Being specific with the specific day or the specific week will help to be more expansive.
Ideally this would be a joint project, in which both of you are doing your own gratitude journal.

How to Create YOUR Gratitude Journal that Builds Your Relationship:

Find a journal that you really like and will draw you to use it every day. Of course any note-book or pad of paper will work. So don’t let not having a “perfect” journal get in the way of keeping a Relationship Gratitude Journal. But if possible find a journal that really calls to you.
Design a plan of action as to how you will do YOUR Relationship Journal.

Who am I going to focus on? My husband or partner? My children? My entire family?
How often do I want to record my feelings in my gratitude journal? Daily? Weekly?
Will I choose a specific number of entries I strive for or will it be completely open-ended?
Will both of us keep a gratitude journal? Is this a joint endeavor or is this just an individual project?
When and where will you share your gratitude feelings? Daily or Weekly?

Gratitude Journals in ACTION:

Sharing your journal entries with each other OR you only sharing your entry with your loved one is putting this “Gratitude Journal” into ACTION. This takes a gratitude journal to a whole new level. Not only do you feel the wonderful feeling of gratitude but your loved one does as well. So you are now building relationship and connection. This is a bit of a different twist than a traditional gratitude journal. This is expanding and sharing the wonderful appreciative feelings you have discovered.

Again it is ideal to both be sharing your feelings of gratitude. But you can start with just one of you, if one is not able to do this or not wanting to do this. Any feelings of gratitude that are shared are helpful and build a sense of love and connection. Gratitude = Connection.

Storing Up the Good – A Yearly Blessing Jar Tradition

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Tanna Strom

Sometimes we can forget all the good that has happened to us. The everyday upsets sometimes get in our way of remembering all the blessings that have occurred for us. I decided to start a new tradition this year in our family – A yearly recounting of all of our blessings from the past year. I decided it is a fitting January activity to start the new year out. Remembering what is good is an excellent way to start the momentum to more blessings and more happiness. For me gratitude is a basic foundation for happiness and creating more of what we want. This could be done any time of the year of course, but winter is a time that could use a bit of sunlight to shine in our darkest part of the year.

So let’s store or can up the harvest that we have reaped from this past year. Here is my idea of how to make this happen. Hopefully it will give you a start to designing your own format of how to “store up” the good stuff from this past year.

Gather your family up and explain what you are wanting to do – Create a Blessing Jar for all the good things that have happened in the past year. These can be good things that have happened to each of you personally or to a family member or to your family as a whole. It can be larger highlights or it can be very small things that have occurred, maybe a small piece of progress toward something you are wanting. Note: You can of course just do this as a couple activity or for yourself as an individual activity.
For fun use a canning jar, such as a Ball or Mason jar for the storing or canning up of your blessings. Of course any jar with a lid will work. I would suggest a quart sized jar or whatever size you need to hold your blessings of your family.
Have each choose a color of paper to represent their blessings they are adding to the blessing jar. Have scissors available for folks to cut out their strips of paper. It can help for each person to add their name to their blessing so if in the future the family decides to look back at the blessings they will know who wrote them.
As each person adds a blessing to the jar, encourage them to read it out loud so others can hear what they are seeing as a good thing that has happened to them in the past year. This can be a respectful witnessing of each others good feelings and acknowledging the importance of what has occurred for them. We might even reflect on what has been offered for the blessing jar. We can make a comment or ask a question to find out more about what made this so good for your family member.
This can lead to thanks for these blessings or some kind of conversation about being grateful for all the good that has happened in the past year. This can also lead to a discussion about what we are wanting in the coming year. To keep it short or workable for children you can possibly have each person share one thing they are wanting for the new year. You want to keep this to be a positive experience for everyone. If you feel you are losing folks, it is ok to break the activity into two spaces of time or to simplify the activity. There is no wrong or right way to do this. The main goal is to share with one another the good stuff that is happening in your family and showing gratitude for these blessings.
Mark the top of your jar with the year you are reflecting on and gathering the good stuff from.
Store your “canned goods” someplace where you can access them when you would like to in the future. Hopefully you can find a place in which you can each year add a new Blessing Jar. How cool will it be to add a new jar each year and see a growing collection of canned goods.

I hope you will find your own version of reflecting on all of the good things that have happened for you and for your family in the past year. I think you will also find this activity to be a connecting one as sharing the good has a way of making us feel closer. Best wishes for a wonderful new year ahead filled with opportunities and more blessings to come.

Having a Healthy, Happy Holiday. Is that Possible?

Posted on December 19, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Is it possible to have a healthy and happy holiday? I think so. First of all my definitions of “happy” and “healthy”. Happy is what brings you joy and feels really good to your whole mind and body. And healthy is about listening to our bodies and our “inner voice”. The two terms are actually very interconnected.

When we think of healthy we think of what is “good” for us. And yes there is that part. But it is also about how when we are doing things healthy (listening to our bodies and inner voices ) ultimately it brings us happiness and joy.

Here are some things to consider when thinking about your holiday and how it may be possible to balance these two not so unrelated concepts.

Decide what YOUR definition of “healthy” and “happy” are. Each of our definitions will be a bit different as we are all unique.
Entertain the idea that “Good for You” or “Healthy” does not have to be not fun or boring or sacrificing. It can be joyful and feel really, really good. Because it is about really listening to your body and inner voice as to what is best for you and what you need right at that moment. And it feels so satisfying when you can be truly attuned to that small still voice within you. So you are at a family gathering. It may be your body is saying I have eaten a lot of food and have been sitting a long time, I need to move a bit. So you go for a walk with some like-minded folks who feel the need to go out and move a bit too. Or maybe you really want to splurge a bit and eat off the path and you find as you are doing this that your body has a time when it says that is enough, these few bites are enough. Or maybe you want to make a special dessert and still be somewhat healthy. So you search and find there are many such recipes available.
Not being obsessive about being healthy. I am not suggesting that you not stay true to what you believe in and feel good about. I am suggesting that on occasion you may not have a choice and have to eat something that is not optimal or what you want to be eating. Maybe you are traveling. Or it may be you cannot exercise at the same level during the holidays, but you can get some active time. So be ok with what you can do and enjoy and decide not to worry too much about a bit of shifting.
Plan concrete ways ahead of time as to how you can incorporate your healthy / happy lifestyle into the holidays. As you are planning your activities with your family, try to see if you can include some active times and also some healthy dishes or drinks, etc. Plus some true relaxing time frames. Because rest and relaxation are of course a part of a healthy lifestyle. So brainstorming as a family how you can have a nice balance of special treats and activities and also times of more low-key activity and some healthy food and physical activities.

Happy Holidays to you all and best wishes for a healthy, happy holiday!

How to Choose Toys, Games and Electronic Devices for Children

Posted on December 13, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Weather you are a parent, new or not so new OR a grandparent OR an aunt or uncle, etc, it can feel a bit daunting as you are looking at all the toys and games before you. I think there are some basics for all of us to consider when we buy gifts for children. Because it does matter what we buy children. I spoke in my last week’s blog piece on why it matters. So before you buy, here are some things to consider . . .

Does this toy or game or electronic device represent something healthy? We want to encourage healthy thinking and problem solving. Plus, healthy interactions and ways of seeing the world. So ask yourself, as you consider this toy or game or electronic device – “Is this healthy and promoting what is good and wholesome. I know, wholesome is a bit outdated, but it fits for here.
Is what you are looking at developmentally age appropriate for the child you are about to buy for? I know at times children want or ask for items that really are not suitable for their age or maybe it may be ok for some 10 year olds, but for other 10 year olds it may not be a fit due to . . . This may be that the child is not ready for a DVD that will keep them up at night with nightmares, etc. Sometimes we may not know what is appropriate for each age. See some of my general thoughts posted below on the different age groups. You will also find most toys and games have general age indicators on their packaging.
Is it a toy or item that can be used in multiple ways to be creative? An example that comes to mind are open-ended building materials, such as: building blocks, legos and other put together materials in which your imagination is the limit. Or maybe you are looking at a computer game. Choosing one in which you can create is a good choice in general, unless it is creating something unhealthy. Another example might be instead of giving coloring books, consider a pad of blank paper and some higher quality markers or colored pencils in a tinned box. Or opposed to a doll that talks, walks, and . . . , consider a doll that the child provides all the actions using their imagination.
Is it well made and ideally with natural materials? There is so much more information the past several years about different plastics being toxic. Information on this can be found on the internet. You will find some more high quality toys that will have labels that disclose they are not using certain kinds of materials.
Does this toy, game or electronic device dovetail with the child’s interests? We are all unique individuals with areas of specific interest. This starts early on, so consider when selecting this gift “Would this be of interest to . . . or would they enjoy this?” This does not mean we cannot expose children to new things, we can. But it does make children feel you care and that you really get them when you are attuned to their unique interests. For example: animals or space or a collection of a particular something, etc.

General Thoughts on Different Age Groups & Some of My Favorites for Children and Teens:

Infants and Toddlers:

Infants and Toddlers put everything in their mouth and are exploring with all of the senses. So I try to remember the “no objects that could get stuck in their throat” rule. Plus, they love bright colors for stimulation and muted colors for rest and relaxation. Toys that are non toxic are extremely important for this age due to everything going into the mouth. Plus toys that can handle lots of active, physical play. Looking at the specific skills that are in their range or are emerging is important to consider. From about 18 months -3 years you will see more pretend play happening.

My favorites for this age group:

Sensory Based Toys: Teethers with different textures. I really like Sophie a fun natural rubber giraffe and teether. Blankets with different kinds of textures and sounds.

Balls of different sizes and shapes. (no extra small ones that could be swallowed)

Push / Pull Toys, Stacking Toys, Small Riding Toys

Duplo Lego for Toddlers and Twos / Threes

Simple Baby Dolls for both girls and boys

Simple Sturdy Hard Paged Books Intended for Infants and Toddlers

Preschoolers:

The age range from 3 -5 is one of lots of fantasy, pretend & highly imaginative play. More social cooperative play is part of this age. So this is something to take into consideration when buying for this age group.

My favorites for this age group:

Wooden Blocks

Pretend Domestic Play: Dolls, Sturdy Dishes, Stove/Sink Sets, Sturdy Simple Doll Houses with People and Furniture, Cars & Trucks

Puppets

Creative Art Materials

Put Together Toys: Duplo and Regular Lego, etc.

Tricycles

Elementary:

More defined interests emerge for this group. You will find some children who love active sports and games and others who may be more into arts and crafts or computer games, etc. The lower end of this group, K-3rd will still enjoy some pretend, imaginative fantasy play and items as listed in the preschool age range. All of this will depend of course on the individual child.

Electronic and computer kinds of activities are beginning to be more prevalent within this age group. If possible I think it is helpful not to let this slide down into the preschool age group, as they need to be exploring their world in a concrete way as the younger elementary set should be as well. Toys and equipment that encourage active play is so very nice as to sitting in front of some kind of screen device that has become so common.

This is the age that you see more games and competitive play come into action. My take is that including some cooperative games can be a very healthy strategy to help children learn to problem solve and learn how to interact in a socially healthy way. Competitive games are ok for this age, especially the older elementary age group. But having some cooperative games can provide a nice balance for really learning how to function for the good of the group and also be in our competitive society we live in.

My favorites for this age group:

Play Mobile

More Intricate Doll Houses

Lego that Fits Age and More Advanced Put Together Toys

Cooperative Games

Creative Art Materials

Books and Magazines of Interest ( I love Ranger Rick)

Physical or Sports Items – Bikes, Balls for Different Sports, etc.

Items of Specific Interest for the Child that are Healthy

Teens:

I feel this is a highly individualized age group as to what games and electronic they might like.

This may be sports equipment, art materials, books, games, screen devices or electronic games (that you really feel good about).

Of course, clothes of their choosing and ones you can live with are popular.

Sometimes a gift certificate to their favorite store where they can pick out what fits specifically for them can work well.

I hope this helps in your choosing of toys, games and electronic devices for all the young people in your life. Best wishes in your endeavors to find the right fit.

Why it Matters What We Give Children at Christmas (Balancing Wants and Family Values )

Posted on December 3, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Does it really matter what we give children for Christmas? Your child will probably present you with a list of what he or she wants. There is nothing wrong with that. Many promote a wish list and it can be helpful. We want our children to tell us what they want and what is important to them. You can actually learn a lot about your child from their list. BUT . . . I think there is more to consider as you select gifts for your children. So hang on for a sleigh ride down toy and game land as we consider all our choices as parents.

First of all, why does it matter what we give our children? To me it has to do with the messages we send through our giving. Our society does put a heavy focus for children on “What do you want for Christmas?” or “What did you get for Christmas?” So they are a bit set up as we are. But still let us pause as we think through some considerations. It is complex and there is not a specific right or wrong. But by being thoughtful as a parent about this process, you can potentially have an impact on your child on his view of receiving and giving.

CONSIDER as parents what kinds of messages you want to create about Christmas giving and receiving. This is a highly personal and different for people due to religion or culture or family traditions and many will have some definite ideas about this. If you do not, it may be a conversation to have as parents. Creating what makes sense for you and your family is better than what media may tell us it should be. It can be complex in that we want our children to fit in and feel a part of the general culture, so considering a balance can help too.
CONSIDER “the wish list” and how it is gathered and what perimeters as a parent you put in place. One thought is to think about what you are setting up. You can ask a child to make a general wish list of all the things they want for Christmas or you can ask a child to create a list with a number boundary. For example: Let’s make a wish list of 3 things you really want for Christmas. Or what is the one thing you most want for Christmas this year? As children become older or with teens this conversation can include what the family budget can handle. It is a lesson in itself as to living within a budget. This conversation may need to happen even with younger children. If Santa is in the picture it may get a bit more tricky as to how you handle this. You can use the tact of how Santa has lots of children to give to and only some of the wish list items may happen.
CONSIDER how to handle requests that you feel are not good for your children. This can be hard. We all want our children to be happy and get what they want. BUT, when we see something that feels like it does not portray our family values it is something for us to stop and consider. As parents we are the leaders of our family, so we sometimes have to help children understand why it will not work as a gift. Trying to find out what is the next top things they want can help. Or finding a balance of what you can do in the area of what they are wanting. Maybe they are asking for a DVD of something you feel is not appropriate. Then you can ask for their second favorite DVD. Talking with your children and going past a “NO” can help. Help them know why you don’t think you or Santa can do it.
CONSIDER helping children create a “give list” of what they want to give to others or what the family should give to others. This can create a nice balance of giving and receiving. Having children and teens have an active part in selecting or making things for others may be a perfect fit for those who want to encourage more than “What am I getting for Christmas?” So you have two lists to emphasize the balance of asking for what you want and for giving to others. This can be with others in the family and / or for those in need. This does not have to be an expensive shopping trip. A dollar store trip will do. Or better yet an arts and crafts or cooking time done possibly as a family activity.
CONSIDER what you have learned from your child or teen’s wish list. You may find it uncomfortable that all your child wants is violent video games. Or you may find that your child has a strong interest in X, Y, or Z that you did not know about. You may find a variety or interests or just one solid focus.
CONSIDER the gift of YOU. That is really what our children need and want. They want to feel that “one on one” attention and focus that we all want and need. Spending enjoyable, personal time with your children will make their hearts sing. So don’t worry too much if your gift budget is low this year. You are the best gift ever!

Note: Next week’s blog will focus on: How to Select Toys, Games and Gifts for Children and Teens.

5 Ways to Create Holidays That are Meaningful and Joyful

Posted on November 12, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Does it matter what we do on the holidays? We all have pretty high expectations for the holidays and many times are disappointed. So why is that? As we scurry and go as fast as we can, we sometimes find it all a bit exhausting and a bit shallow. But we can have the holidays that we want. So what can we do to create holidays that are meaningful and joyful?

1. Decide what you WANT for YOUR HOLIDAY. What a wonderful opportunity for you and your family to really talk about what matters to you as a family and what you can do to make it happen. You can call a special family meeting and ask for everyone’s opinion and try to really incorporate as many ideas as possible. It may be up to you as parents, if you have children, to lead this discussion helping children and adolescents expand their ideas about what Christmas might be about. Before you lead your discussion with your family, you may want to decide as parents what you think is important and what you feel about the holidays. This can help you be prepared and be able to lead a thoughtful conversation. So what do you want???

2. Now that you know what you want, HOW can you achieve it? One way is to “brainstorm as a family” about how you can create THIS HOLIDAY that you want. Maybe you want to spend time together as a family? So decide as a family what this might look like and schedule it in. Maybe you decide it is about giving to those in need. So you all consider possible ways to do this. Planning together as a family with all involved in some way makes this kind of activity most rewarding. Maybe your family decides you want to be less commercial, so you decide how that would look for your family. Of course, you may have multiple things you want to achieve. It is all about what YOU and your family want and need for the holiday to be meaningful and joyful.

3. Be REALISTIC with your plans. The gist of this I think is we really can not do it all and we will probably have to CHOOSE what is most important to us. That can be hard for all of us. There are so many opportunities and things we can do. They all pull at us. And it can be hard to say NO, but it really is ok to do so. It can be done respectfully and with appreciation for the offer. I remember one year after Christmas a co-worker telling me, “I am just glad it is all over.” If that is normally how we feel after the holidays, it may be time to re-look at how we are doing the holidays. It is also important for us to distribute the work load of the holidays. I have one relative who has said to me, “I hate the holidays. It is just all too much as I am the one who does it all.” So this is a needed family conversation. In our home in recent years, my husband buys the guy gifts and I buy the gal gifts. It is a way to distribute the load. Look at your own unique situation and find a way so all can enjoy the holidays.

4. Take a Technology Break. As much as possible think about taking a break from technology and spending that extra time it creates with your loved ones. They will love you for it. This is a gift in itself. Some possible limits might include: No cell usage during planned holiday events. Taking pics of each other would probably be a more connecting kind of use of technology so this may be an exception to this cell use limit. Video games and like kind of activities would not be considered a holiday activity unless it is done as a family and in a limited kind of way so there is time for other kinds of connecting. Or if this feels too restricting you could consider putting a limit on how much time is spent doing tech kind of activities and when these are ok. Letting children and adolescents know why you are setting these boundaries may help soften this request. Tell your children how much you love them and how you really want to spend one on one time with them during the holiday. You can point out to them that you too are taking a “technology break”.

5. Be flexible and be ready to go with the flow. Let the good come in even when things do not go as planned. Most holidays are not perfect and if we go into them knowing that we may have to be flexible and we may have to be ok with some shifts or changes, it seems to go better. “Choosing to be happy” even when some things go awry can help. Letting the good still come in even when the weather interferes with a planned activity or someone gets sick, etc. allows for joy even when things are not perfect. Acknowledge and help each other to remember all the good that is going on. Talk about it, This helps to amplify and let it really soak in.

Enjoy this season ahead and remember what is important to you and your family. That is all that really matters. Happy Holidays to you all!

creating branches

Category Archives: Family Activities

Meals that Nourish and Connect You and Your Family

Consider Your Family and It’s Current Mealtimes.

Make Your Meals an Awesome Connecting Ritual.

Do I need to be playful and light-hearted to be happy and connected? It depends!