DATE NIGHTS – Are they really needed? YES, YES, YES

Attractive couple portrait.

Ok, you have been married 5 years or maybe 25 years. Is it really necessary to go to all the trouble to have a date night? I say YES, YES, YES. You may be thinking, but that is for before you get married, when you are getting to know someone better or wooing your sweetheart. Of course it does fit during those times.  But don’t we want to continue to know and understand our partner as they grow and develop? Plus courting behavior will keep your connection strong and vibrant. Let’s look at some more reasons why we may want to consider having DATE NIGHTS.


  1. First of all it is a message we send to each other that we love and want to stay connected with each other. Plus, it shows we value spending one on one time with our partner and that they are worth the effort of planning and executing doing some fun, enjoyable things together.
  2. Our worlds are crazy busy and without planned one on one time, it may not happen. Sometimes I hear the objection of doing a planned activity, voicing that aren’t spontaneous outings better. I do agree spontaneous outings and times together are magical and I think important. But, I also know realistically with heavy work schedules, children’s events, community or church involvement, etc., the chances of the spontaneous outings are harder to come by. They can and still should be a part of dates I think. But if you have a planned, set time you go out together, it is more likely to happen if you are as busy as most couples and families are today. So by all means do both if you can, but for a “sure deal” consider scheduling a weekly date night.
  3. A DATE NIGHT gives you an opportunity to stay connected on a level past “Who is picking up the children?” or “How was your day?” These are important conversations. But to really have time to “be with” each other and converse at a deeper level, a time just for one on one focus of one another is so helpful.
  4. It is a good model for our children. We are teaching our children what to do to stay connected and nurture a relationship. Whatever we present to our children can affect how they will interact as a couple. They may not say, “I am so happy you are going out tonight.” but as they develop their own future relationships they will have learned that this is one of the ways couples care and stay connected with one another. This is how they show their love and commitment.



  • First of all, a date night can be a date day or date lunch or date breakfast, etc. They do not have to be at night. Do what works for you.
  • If possible do put in place a regular set time. This will keep you more on track with this kind of structure. On the other hand, if this is not possible then consider planning a month out with times that you know will work in your schedule. Do what you need to do to create this special time. Sometimes it means getting creative. It may be a lunch date at the park during your work day.
  • Find a babysitter you REALLY like and trust if you have children. This will allow you to fully enjoy your date night.
  • Try to schedule enough time to really relax and enjoy yourselves. On the other hand, if you have young children and feel uncomfortable being gone for too long, then take the time you do feel comfortable with and enjoy it.
  • Planning for your date night can be done in a couple different ways. 1. You can do a joint, collaborative planning. 2. You can take turns planning them. 3. Or a mix of the previous suggestions. You can talk about it and see what fits you as a couple. One of the keys is trying to incorporate things you both enjoy doing. This can be things you both enjoy doing or it can be a taking turns in some kind of fashion as to including individual interests. Of course if one of you really hates doing a particular something, it may or may not be something you put on the date night list
  • Think outside of the “dinner and a movie” box. This is not to say that you may not enjoy this and want to do this. Sometimes it is a relaxing, comfort date. This is just a suggestion to consider broadening your activity palette. This keeps things lively and fun. You might brainstorm together every so often, a list of things you might like to do together. You can keep this list handy as you schedule in your date nights.
  • Consider using your date night to develop some new joint interests. This might be cooking classes or hiking or biking, etc.
  • Make it a TECHNOLOGY  or SCREEN FREE date night. Basically, this would be choosing not to engage in using cell phones or other technology devices while you are on your date. This would include no texting. The problem is that when we are on our phone or texting, etc,  we are not really present or there for our partner. And that is really the purpose of a date night. So screened devices and being on a date are a bit at odds with each other. There are exceptions. Some folks have jobs in which they are on call and have no choice. If this can be kept to the minimum this can help.
  • If you cannot do your date night, if at all possible reschedule for another day or night that week. This keeps the commitment to each other to have this time together on a regular basis.

Date, Play, Enjoy this wonderful life together. ♥♥

That was not in the plan . . . how to roll with the flow!


Taking a recent vacation made me think about how our plans many times do not go the way we think they will. You are correct that my vacation did not go exactly as planned or envisioned in my head.  But I adapted, shifted and had a great time.

Yes things do not always go as we expect. This can be with a vacation or a family outing or a date night or really any kind of activity that we have planned to do together as a couple or as a family. I am a big planner and I believe in thoughtfully preparing for outings with our loved ones. On the other hand somethings spontaneous, let’s go . . . can be very romantic or real fun for a family. So I guess a balance is nice. We each will have our own style.

Regardless if you have a PLAN or you are doing a spontaneous outing, being able to roll with the flow is important. Our lives are so busy and complex and things shift quickly. Plus, the biggie here is that we can not control everything around us. We can not control that the restaurant is out of our favorite dish or that the air conditioner breaks on our fun day trip or that a thunderstorm appears out of no where and you have to cancel or shift your outdoor outing.

So how can we better ROLL with the FLOW? 

  1. First of all accept that our planned or spontaneous event may not or probably will not go exactly as we had hoped for in our head.
  2. Acknowledge your upset feelings or those of your loved ones. It is ok to be upset or disappointed. The key is WHAT WE DO WITH OUR UPSET OR DISAPPOINTMENT.
  3. Accept and then say it is OK that it did not go exactly as we wished. We can still have fun and enjoy regardless of the hiccups or bumps in the road.
  4. Remember we are capable of adapting and shifting. We are amazing human being with the ability to make the best of whatever the situation.
  5. Shift to what you can do at that point. And know you can be ok with it.
  6. Use your positive mindset to create a place of acceptance and regrouping. 
  7. Sometimes if we look we can find these unexpected needed shifts can open up opportunities that were not there before. Some folks would say there are no accidents!