One of the first steps to creating what you want is to “let go” of what no longer serves you. This opens the door to the possibility of creating “what you do want”.
I have always hated the term “letting go”. Have you ever had someone say “You just need to let it go.” I have and my first internal response is, “No, it’s not fair and I am not letting it go.” This letting go thing is not always easy and I think one of the lessons I have learned from my own personal experiences and many of my clients is that is a journey or a process.
There are little, medium and big letting go of things that occur. Small things, like someone was rude to you is different of course than a loved one doing something very hurtful. The journey process mentioned below is more about the significant or larger things that occur that we feel stuck in.
Let’s take a look at this journey of letting go and what we might do to help navigate this process. Then put our focus on what “we do want” as this is what will get us to what will make us happy.
- Recognize that letting go is a process and it is ok for it to take some time. This will be different for different folks.
- Honor your real feelings of upset. Explore them and acknowledge them.
- Talk with someone who understands your need to process the genuine feelings you have and who can listen in a non judgemental way, without giving lots of advise. This may be your spouse or partner or another family member. Or it may be a good friend or even a therapist.
- To keep these upset feeling from overwhelming you, consider setting a certain amount of time that you will think about these feelings. And then do and experience other feelings outside of this time. Let the good come into your live during these times.
- Decide on what you want to do with your feelings. For example you can tell the person who hurt you what you are feeling. You can decide what you want to do from that point out that will make you feel better.
- When the time is right decide it better serves you to let go of the upset and move to a place that makes you feel more happy, with less worry. You can do this. And it will lead you down the ultimate path of being at peace.
At this point, you are ready to create “what you do want”. Now that this upset energy has been moved out you have space for the good stuff. And isn’t this where most of us want to end up. Being in a place that brings us joy and happiness. Letting all that is good into our life. Here are some of my thoughts on creating what you do want.
- Spend some time really thinking about what you do want. What do you want more of in your life? Who do you want to spend more of your time with? What do you want to do that is new? What makes you really feel happy and passionate?
- Begin to boldly take some first steps in what you do want. It is time to give birth to your new you or your new life you want and desire. It is not always easy to take these first steps, but after you get going you will find a momentum that occurs.
- Enjoy and absorb all the good feelings that are coming from taking the first steps toward what you do want now. This can nourish and feed your soul that is recovering from the hard things you needed to let go of. It feels so very good to focus on the good.
- You will find the more you focus on what you want, the more it will evolve in your life.
- Remember it does not have to be perfect. Enjoy all that leads you to where you want to go!
It is all about allowing a space for the good to come in and then creating the life you desire!
We mess up, we make mistakes, we are human! We all have times we are not happy with something we did or did not do. So we might begin by telling ourselves: “It is ok. I am human and I can make mistakes. I am still capable and worthy of being loved.”
So what can we do to forgive our selves from our “mess ups”?
- We can check in with ourselves and decide if we are being realistic with ourselves. Are our standards too high? I am not suggesting that we do not have standards or not try to do the best we can. I am suggesting that we remind ourselves, “We do not have to be perfect.” Letting go of this idea can be very freeing.
- See mistakes as an opportunity to learn. I was reading about Albert Einstein and found that he had 1000 unsuccessful attempts at creating the light bulb. When he was asked how it felt to fail this many times he said ” I didn’t fail 1000 times,. The light bulb was an invention with 1000 steps .” So know that your mistakes are just “steps” in your journey of what you want to become.
- Start again. It’s ok. We can start as many times as we want. Isn’t it nice to remember we can always start again. It is one of the wonderful internal strengths we humans have – to begin again.
So Forgive Yourself, Move On.
We are destined to be our best version of our self. Getting there means being ok with our human mistakes and “mess ups”. This is not to say that we do not make amends or ask for forgiveness when appropriate. It means we forgive ourselves and find compassion for ourselves. This is the first step of course to doing the same with others in our life. It is the first step toward going where we want to go.
Best wishes in your human journey of loving and forgiving yourself. It is a basic for being at peace and continuing on to where you truly want to go!
Ever feel like your heart is heavy with sadness or anger and it just feels stuck there? Or maybe it feels all lit up with anxiety and just won’t go away.
The key is to let go of what no longer serves you.
A couple of years ago, I spent some time researching Feng Shui practices and decided I needed to Feng Shui our home. I felt like there was just too much “stuff” in our house. That it was feeling too crowded and it just did not feel soothing and pleasing to me. So I went through the house and really looked at everything with the question, “Does this bring me joy?Does it feel good to me?” At the end of the day I had a significant pile of “stuff” at the front door. And the less crowded space felt so much more soothing and pleasing to me. I had taken out what no longer served me and it let in a feeling of openness and joy. I am not completely sure my husband felt the exact same way. He did ask when he came home that night “What is all that pile of stuff at the front door for?” and I sweetly told him, “Oh, I have just been Feng Shuing our house.”
I was thinking our hearts are like our homes in that sometimes they can become cluttered with stuff we no longer need, things that no longer serve us. You may have someone who has done you wrong and it has stayed with you for a very long time. When you look at it closely you may find that you are the only one who is still re-living that upset and still feeling badly about it all.
It may be time to let go of past upsets to make room for more joyful feelings of happiness.
Forgiveness or letting go is not about condoning or saying it was right what someone did to you, it is about letting it go so you can let the good come back into your life. You may find this to be a process, not a one time event. That is ok. But what you will find is that the more you let go, the more you will have room for the good stuff.
You may also find that your heart is filled with too much to do with not enough down time. Or you may feel certain activities or people leave you stressed or anxious. You can ask your self, “Does this activity make me feel happy or bring me joy?” Or “Do I feel this helps me fulfill what I consider my purpose or what I want to be doing? If so there is room for this in your heart. If not, it may be time for a bit of weeding.
Letting go of those things that you really do not need or want will leave you with space for a more happy, peaceful you.
So I hope you will find time to Feng Shui your heart. You will be glad you did. Taking time to “de-clutter” your heart is well worth the effort.
Are you wanting to let go, but find it hard? Holding on and being stuck in our upset can cause much unhappiness. Learning to “let go” and “be happy” is easier than we may think. So what does it mean to let go? Here is a summary of my take on what it means to let go and make room for happiness to come into your life.
First of all what letting go is not about. It is not about letting others be abusive or treat us badly and decide it is ok. It is not about letting a situation continue that is unhealthy.
Letting go is about – CHOOSING to let something not be the “focus”and move on to a different place, CHOOSING to let in the good, CHOOSING to be happy, CHOOSING to live in the now. It is about focusing on OUR response.
What do we need to do to get to the place where we can feel we are ready to let something go? Here are a few things to consider as you think about incorporating more “letting go” into your life.
- First of all, acknowledge and give honor to your upset feelings. Your feelings are important and your guide posts as to helping you know what needs to be addressed and possibly not addressed. Regardless, how you feel is important. You have a right to your feelings, all of them.
- Consider what you are upset about. Is it worth your time and energy to carry it with you? Our upsets can be put on a very wide continuum. For example: A store clerk is rude. Traffic is extra tough and you get home 15 minutes later than normal. Someone does not agree with your idea in a meeting. Your husband forgets to tell you about a change in plans. Your child does not study for a test and gets a bad grade. Your cat throws up on your carpet. Most of the household chores are being done by you and you are not happy about it. All work and no play. Your partner is depressed and not responsive. You need more connection with your spouse or significant other. The doctor’s appointment does not go well and you have a serious diagnosis. Your mom dies and you are devastated. So, yes we have a spectrum of what may be upsetting us.
- Are the small irritations and disappointments worth our time and focus? Probably not. We can acknowledge our feelings and decide to let it go. If it increases as a problem, we can choose to do something different. If your upset is moderate to big, we will have some additional steps to work through.
- Larger upsets may require some action on our part. CHOOSING what to do after some thoughtful consideration is a part of this plan. Here are some possible things to consider.
- Would it help to talk to someone? A neutral or supportive party? Or the person who is involved in the upset?
- Simply talking about our feelings and acknowledging them helps to begin to lessen the power of these feelings. The intensity of how we feel can lesson and we can begin to see more clearly. 1) If you are choosing to talk with a supportive friend, consider one who is more of a listener opposed to telling you what to do. 2) If you choose to talk with the person who is involved in the upset, then try to do it when you are not in a high reactive state, but one on in which you feel you can talk in a low, calm thoughtful way as much as possible with a respectful tone. This will help to create an atmosphere in which the other person will be able to hear you without becoming defensive and be able to respond in a thoughtful way.
- Deciding what you need to feel better and taking action to make that happen. If this involves another then it may mean exploring ideas that will work for both of you. This may be a process, but just beginning this interaction will take you where you want to go. It may mean letting go of rigid ideas of what has to happen to make it better. Seeing both sides and coming to a point that peace and what you both can live with may be the answer. This said, there may be some things that do not have a middle ground. For example a third-party involvement in a relationship or an ongoing drug or alcohol issue. A decisive stance or action on your part my be part of what is needed. If this is an individual issue, it may involve deciding what is best for you and then moving toward this action.
- Forgiveness may be a part of the plan. This is a letting go process and one that is not always simple. But it is attainable. Forgiveness is not saying you are ok with a betrayal or a hurtful interaction, etc. It is about choosing to come to a place of letting it go to let the good come back in. And beginning the process of re-building and healing.
- Shift to a happier place. Begin to focus on what makes you feel happy. You can build on this, creating more of what you want in your life.
We all have to decide how much power we want something to have over us. Sometimes we may need to have a time of grief, especially with a significant loss. This is normal and part of what we may need. At some point with small or large things we can come to a point of deciding if we are ready to let go or at least partially let go and let the good stuff back into our life. Happiness and joy is something we all deserve. We have the power to create the life we want.