Do you ever catch yourself feeling like you are being really negative and you don’t know how to turn it around? Most of us have had this kind of experience and it can be frustrating. We want to tell someone about our upset feelings, yet still be positive. I am proposing two different techniques for your consideration. These are both very simple one and two sentence statements.
Consider the use of the phrase “Even though . . . ”
This would involve first of all acknowledging your feelings of upset and then ending the statement with what positive way you are going to handle this upset feeling. Here are some examples:
“Even though I am so mad I could scream, I am going to choose to take a deep breath and ask you what happened. ”
“Even though my feelings are hurt, I want to try to understand why you did this.”
“Even though I am unhappy with what you did, I am choosing to ask that we sit down and talk about this.
“Even though I am feeling anxious about what you are saying, I am going to stay calm and listen to all you have to say.
These statements respect and acknowledge your feelings and at the same time leave a door open for positive discussion and dialog.
These are of course the beginning of a dialog. But they set the tone for positive communication and potential joint problem solving.
Consider the use of the use of the dual words, UNFORTUNATELY, FORTUNATELY
UNFORTUNATELY, I am very stressed out and everything feels like too much. FORTUNATELY, I know that I just need a bit of time by myself to feel ok again.
UNFORTUNATELY, I got so upset I yelled at you when I should not have. FORTUNATELY, I know when to admit I was wrong and apologize.”
UNFORTUNATELY, I was so mad that I said some things that I really did not mean. FORTUNATELY, I have calmed down and can think more clearly and tell you want I need to say respectfully.
UNFORTUNATELY, I have been really depressed about our son’s behavior and I know that is all I talk about. FORTUNATELY, I have come to the realization that we need to talk about other things too that are positive.
This technique can be used for yourself personally to help you change negative thoughts to positive ones. And as I have shown this can also be used as a way to shift more negative thoughts and feelings to more positive ones with your relationship talk.
I like both of these techniques as they are a nice balance of being able to be respectful of our upset feelings and at the same time offers a way to turn them into positive, hopeful statements. Try them and see what you think!