Monthly Archives: December 2013

A Time to Let Go and a Time of New Intentions for Your Relationships

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With the new year, it is an excellent time to consider letting go and creating  “New Intentions” for your relationship. What does that mean? It means doing a bit of housekeeping. Out with the old and in with the new. The old being past hurts and misunderstanding and barriers to the relationship that you have with your loved one. The new being a focus on what you want for your relationship and then making a go for it. Can it be that simple? It can. So many times we choose to hang on to things that keep us from being happy.

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This is not to say that you should grin and bear it. If you have some issues that need to be addressed with your loved one, then do so in a respectful way, clearing the air and space for new more pleasant feelings to take their place. Search for ways to resolve old, reoccurring  conflict with a mutual cooperative look at each of your perspectives with true listening and searching for ways to make things better. It is possible. Letting go of old hurts and unhelpful patterns are the first step to a better relationship. This creates a foundation for creating our intentions of what we really want for our relationship.

I wish for you a wonderful new year filled with relationships that are nurturing and loving, filled with lots of new intentions!

Taking Time to “BE WITH Your Loved Ones” During the Holidays

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Taking time to “BE WITH” your loved ones is not about adding in another activity or going another place. Even though it can be connecting to go someplace you all want to go and enjoy the experience together. To “BE WITH” is more about an internal state of being.

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To “BE WITH’ will specifically involve the following:

  • S L O W I N G  down to set up the needed foundation for being with someone. This can be a real challenge for all of us, especially in the busy holiday season. But it is possible and doable.  It may mean we have to make choices about what we do with our time. And choosing not to do certain things or changing how we do them.
  • Finding times that are good for  others to have this slowed down real interaction time is important too. Basically staying attuned to your loved ones and trying to sync up with each other. It may be you have to schedule this “BE WITH” time in your calendar. Of course this happening on a spontaneous basis also is important for any relationship.
  • To “BE WITH” someone is about really  being in that time and space with them fully – focusing only on them , listening will full attention and responding in a way that they know that they have really been heard.  This kind of full focus feels so wonderfully connecting .
  • Listen carefully to your loved one and reflect what you think they said. This acknowledging of their feeling is integral part of someone really feeling heard. It can be helpful to avoid rushing in with your advice or opinion.
  • Being with children will include actively playing with them. For young children this is how they express themselves and how they connect with others.

mom playing with infant with ball

Enjoy this wonderful gift you are giving to each other. Because it is a gift – one of giving your true self to each other. Relish this slowed down, moment to moment time with each other.  Happy Holidays!

Christmas Compliments to Your Loved Ones – The BEST Gift Ever

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“Christmas Compliments” are something I have used in the past and when I do I find them to be the BEST gift ever! Why is that? Well, it can be very rewarding when you trade “Christmas Compliments” with your family members. Letting each other know what you like about each other can go a long way to building and strengthening relationships. Family life can feel stressful and hard at times, especially as a parent when you are setting limits and children are not always so happy with these necessary boundaries. Or maybe as a couple you are feeling like you are way to negative with each other.

christmas stockings

So I hope you will consider this holiday season a time to balance what you are putting out there with words of acknowledgement of what you like about your loved ones. There is more than one way to give each other Christmas Compliments. Some possible ways you might consider are:

  • Have each family member write out (or dictate to a parent to write) a compliment for all the other members of the family. They can be deposited in the Christmas stockings and read when stockings are opened on Christmas morning or at the appropriate time.  If your children still thinks Santa brings their gifts and fills their stockings you may want to choose another option. For example: Each family member could have a special Christmas tin where their compliments are left. This option would allow them to have a fun place to keep their compliments too. Having each person put their name with their compliments makes them more meaningful.
  • Family members can wrap up the compliments like a gift for each other or use envelopes to put their compliments in for each other.
  • Have each family member verbally give each of the other members a compliment at one of your holiday meals.
  • One variation is using the 12 days of Christmas theme and for twelve days before Christmas each person gives other members a compliment. The Christmas tin or a Christmas cup may work well with this variation. Of you could have a nightly dinner ritual where you verbally share your compliments.
  • Use your imagination and personal knowledge of your family in finding ways to modify and use this potential strategy to appreciate each other more.

It may be necessary to explain what you mean by a compliment. Older children will of course pretty much know what you are talking about, but younger ones may not be so sure. You will have your own words. Some possible things you might include are: A compliment is something you say to another person that makes them feel good. It can be something that you liked that they did or something you admired that they did. It is positive and not negative. It is something the other person will like hearing.

Note: This can also be done as a couple. It can be just as fun and uplifting.

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Connecting While Giving to Others – A Holiday Service Project for Your Family

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Looking for ways to connect with your family during the holidays? Consider doing a family or couple project in which you are helping others who are in need. Not only can it be a way to connect on a deeper level with your loved ones, but it can be a wonderful way of instilling the value of helping others to your children.  And of course helping someone need!

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Here are some things to consider with a Family or Couple Service Project:

  1. Who do we want to help? This is a great time to do some braining storming as a couple or as a family. It can be a time when you each can share what you feel is worthwhile to give to, what you each feel passionate about. And then practicing cooperatively coming to a conclusion about what service project you do. You may even choose to do more than one project.
  2. Are you going to volunteer time, give money or gifts? There are lots of options in all of these categories. Listed below are a few general ideas.
  • Gently used items – toys, household goods, etc can be donated to a non profit agency.
  • Collecting food as a family for a non profit group or shopping for food together to give to a non profit group that serves those who need help with food.
  • Participating in an Angel Tree that is in your community.
  • Bake cookies or holiday treats for the Homeless Shelter or a Nursing Home or whatever group you feel would like this kind of thing.
  • Have a party and have participants bring a particular item for your project. For example: All who come to the party bring mittens or hats for a Christmas tree that you decorate at the party for those in need. Or you could have folks bring canned goods to set under a tree. Then later you take it to an agency that you know can use it.
  • Donate some time at a non profit agency. Call non profit groups and see what kinds of things they need help with.

  3. Treat your family to a special treat or fun time after your service project and talk about all you have been blessed with.

Note: This is an activity that will work for couples also. No children required!