Category Archives: Uncategorized

A Celebration to Begin the New School Year – Setting a Positive Tone for Your Child

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back to school colored pencilsThe school year has started for most children and teens.  It is a time filled with buying new school clothes and school supplies; adjusting to new school schedules, etc. Let us not forget to CELEBRATE the beginning of school with our child or teen.  Celebrating can apply to any age, whether you have a first grader or a high school student.  You might be wondering,“Why do we want to celebrate the beginning of the new year.? Here are my thoughts:

  • Most importantly, setting the tone that this is a time to be excited about, to be happy about  having the opportunity to learn new things and meet new people. Sometimes we forget that it really is a time to embrace the joy of learning and being able to potentially make new friends. It is easy in our busy lives to forget that imparting this kind of message can affect how our children think about school. Most of us really do want our children to love learning and like school.
  • Celebrating is a one way of injecting some excitement and hopefulness into this sometimes stressful transition. It is one of the things that we can do before or after school starts. It is not too late to say “Let’s celebrate school starting school this week or last week, etc.” Celebrating implies that it is a good thing. It is one way for you to help put a positive spin on school and the year ahead.
  • It is a way for  you and your child or children to connect in regard to school. We all want to be a part of our child’s school world. This is a way to begin the year with that kind of connection.
  • Celebrating is enjoyable and helps to give the feelings of good things to come. And is this not what we want. We want our children or teenagers to feel there is good to come. As we know what we envision is many times what we get.

How might we celebrate the beginning of school with our child or teen? Each family will have their own unique way of doing this that is a good fit for them. I am listing some potential ideas for your consideration. But, again, you will have your own ideas as to what fits.

  1. Consider the age of your child or children and what will feel like a celebration to them. 
  2. Making sure we let our child or children know what we are celebrating and why. For example: “Let’s celebrate school starting. Lets …. “or “Let’s celebrate school starting. Do you have some ideas as to what we might do?” “Let’s celebrate school starting.  Let’s  . . . or maybe . . .  to celebrate.  Which do you think would be the most fun?”
  3. A special meal, possibly one of their favorites with maybe a special dessert of healthy treat to top it off is always appreciated.
  4. An appropriate gift with school starting can fit the bill.  Your child’s age will of course make a difference here. I remember when my daughter was a first grader how she loved the new globe I bought her.  You will know your child and what would be an encouraging gift that leaves the message of school is important and it can be fun too.  It could be a cool new back pack or a gift certificate for . . . “
  5. A conversation about what they are hoping to learn this year or what class they are particularly excited about or any specific goals they have for themselves can be helpful. Plus, of course your encouraging words or affirmations of good things to come make sense in this conversation. This, of course, is a good time to highlight what you consider their strengths.”
  6. Another possibility is to have a back to school party for your child’s class at your house or at a park, etc.  If your child is one that is feeling a bit of a loss as to making new friends and connecting socially this may be one way to help with that. Plus, a way for you to meet parents of your child’s classmates.

It really is a time to CELEBRATE the wonderful opportunity to learn new things and hopefully to create the stage for the love of life long learning. So best wishes in finding the best way to celebrate the beginning of school starting with your child or teen!

Write an Old Fashioned Love Letter

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thumb(10)In today’s fast paced technology world, we sometimes forget about the lovely feeling you get when someone writes you a hand written note or letter.  Yes, it takes more time than a quick text or email or a face book entry.  But it is a something that feels special and is more treasured than some of other avenues mentioned above. This is not to say an affectionate text in real time cannot fit the bill at times or that a longer email cannot have it’s place. And I know for those who are avid face book users, a public show of love may feel very nice.

But, a LOVE LETTER is so very sweet and lovely all in it’s own right. A LOVE LETTER is something that can be kept in a special place and re-read and treasured for years to come. So consider sending a love letter to your sweetheart. The taking the time to find a piece of stationary or a blank note card and the additional time it takes to write the letter WILL be appreciated.

Here are a few possible things to consider as you write your LOVE LETTER to your special loved one.

  • Consider what you put your love letter on. It can be a piece of fun stationary that shows your personality or your loved one’s personality. Or a blank note card with a picture on the cover that is a fit for your loved one or something that makes you think of the two of you.  It may be you decide to be creative and think about something a bit more outside of the box, so to speak.  I know of a person whose love letter was written on the back of a Whole Foods sack, her favorite store as a heath food girl and then put in a small wooden box with a very pretty heart  on top. She was delighted.  Of course, really any paper or note card will do, but this extra step is a nice touch. But it is the words that count.
  • Hand write your note if at all possible. If you really have to word process it on your computer, do so. But the hand written part is part of the novelty of the old fashioned love letter.
  • Let your loved one know how special they are to you. Tell them what it is that you appreciate about them. You will have your own words.
  • Date your love letter. For it will be kept and years from now it will be glad you did.
  • Send your letter in the mail if you can. This makes it even more fun. Or you can put it in a special place in the house where they will find it. Or put it in the front seat of their car. Etc.

Note: There are quicker, shorter versions you can do of the love letter. It can be on a sticky note and put on his or her bathroom mirror. A simple “Good morning beautiful, I love you!”.  OR “Have a wonderful day, Love You!” Again, you will  have your own words and your own special places.

love letter

Have fun writing your love letters!!!  Your loved one will love you for it. ♥♥♥

Arts and Humanities Council of Tulsa’s “Imagination Days” Third Saturdays – FREE

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imagination days arts and humanity council tulsa ok“Imaginations Days” is sponsored by The Arts & Communities Council of Tulsa at the Hardesty Arts Center every third Saturday in 2013. These events are open in conjunction with the regular AHHA gallery hours.  This FREE family activity time is inspired by the current gallery exhibit.  The theme and exhibitions are changed frequently to provide new experiences.

WHERE:

Arts & Humanities Council Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA)

101 East Archer Street

Tulsa, Oklahoma 

In the Brady Arts District, at the corner of Boston & Archer. 

WHEN:

Third Saturdays, 2013

August 17 

Note: This month’s activity revolves around the Fiberworks exhibit.

ahct hardesty arts center fiber arts exibit

September 21

October 19

November 18

Open from 1:00 pm to 6:00 pm (This is during regular AHHA gallery hours.)

And it is FREE to the public!

Activities start in the American Electric Power Foundation/Williams Family Studio, which is located in AHHA’s second floor next to the Loft Gallery. For more information you can call the Arts and Community Council at 918-584-3333. You can also follow this link to find out more information about the Imagination Days.  ahct.org/programs/imagination-days/

The Arts and Humanities Council of Tulsa’s HARDESTY ARTS CENTER  is not only a wonderful opportunities for families to enjoy art together but it is also would be a great outing for a couple. Go to their website www.ahct.org to find out more about the gallery and the upcoming exhibitions and also about the many programs that they offer for adults, teens and children.

arts and humanities council of tulsa hardesty arts center

Balancing “In the Moment” and “Creating a Vision” for our Realtionships

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Barefoot_couple____by_sergey1984There is a lot of talk today about living “in the moment”.  And on the other end of the spectrum we hear a lot about “setting a vision” or a goal to keep us going where we want to go. So which is it? In the moment or creating a vision? I say both!

As this blog is focused on relationships, I will use relationships as the base to work around for discussing this balancing act of “living in the moment” and “creating a vision” for what we want. And I do think it is a real balancing act and that it will probably look a bit different for each couple or family.  I do think that we all struggle with this question or opposing viewpoint on how we live our lives. So how can we have both in our relationships? Let’s first look at the two, at first look, very different philosophies of how we live our lives and relate to our loved ones. And then how we might possibly combine these two different ideas.

What does “in the moment” really mean???  Well, most feel this is living fully within the place and time you are given.  Really being “in the present” and not focusing on the past or the future.  Concentrating on the time and place you are in and who you are with and the gift of the interaction between the two of you. It is a lovely thought and can have a very freeing feeling to only be in the here and now and really focusing on your loved one.

Then there is the “vision makers”. Those who want to create visions and goals. There are some differences here I suppose as to visions and goals and how folks define these words. This may look very different for different folks. But my version would be creating visions or goals that are what we feel would most fit our lives and in this case fit our relationships. For example: the vision of what you want your relationship to look like and concretely making that happen to the best of your ability.

So can we have both, I say yes we can. We can create visions and goals for our relationships and work to make them happen.  Of course, jointly deciding what we both want and creating a “joint vision” is the most healthy and satisfying for both people in the relationship.  Then within that framework we fully enjoy the moments we have with each other and we take the time to really “be with” the ones we love. Basically, I am suggesting we CHOOSE to jointly “create a vision” of what we both want for our relationship and we go for it, meaning we pull out all the stops to make that happen. And we enjoy this wonderful ride with each other. Yes there will be bumps along the way, but we have each other to hang onto! Here is the to wonderful roller coaster of life. Enjoy!

Its Pow Wow Time – An OK Cultural Experience for your Family

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Powwow_DanceaPow Wow of Champions

August 9, 10 & 11, 2013

Oral Roberts University, 7777 S. Lewis

The ORU Mabee Center

– A smoke and alcohol free environment –

$7. Per Person (5 yrs & under free) – Weekend Wrist Band $15. Per Person

This weekend the Intertribal Indian Club of Tulsa hosts the 36th annual Pow Wow of Champions. This is a wonderful opportunity for your family to experience together an OK Cultural event. Many times we overlook some of our own states special cultural events.  You of course would want to consider what parts of the program would most fit for you and your child’s or children’s ages and plan accordingly. I think it always works best not to over stay an event that we are not ready to handle.

For specific information event you can call 918-378-4494 or 918-838-8276 or go to their website:  www.iicot.org/   There is a schedule of events and times on their website. You will need to click on the flyer within their website to get this information.

You and your family can experience dance, drum music and song from tribal nations across the country. Over 300 native dancers will compete. In addition, native american crafts and food will be available for purchase.

This event is billed as a family event, but could also be a fun couple’s activity.  Hope you will consider taking advantage of this educational and entertaining OK weekend event.

Balancing the Relationships in Our Life

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scaleThere is just so much time in a day and it seems everyone is needing your time, including you needing some time for you!  There is the larger issue of balancing our time in regard to work, relationships, volunteer commitments, time for ourself and more. It is hard knowing how to make it all fit. I think it works best when we consciously decide what is most important to us and try to balance accordingly.

I would like to address more specifically balancing the relationships in our life. For relationships to be nourished and grow, they of course must have attention and focus. So how do we manage to keep all of our relationships alive and thriving. Some things to consider are as follows:

1.  Consider what relationships are most important to you. Does where you use your time reflect that these relationships are important to you?

2. You might consider the dual nature of how finding time for both family and couple time is inter-related and beneficial with a balance of these two entities. For a couple to be strong they must have one on one time with out their children at times.  This helps to keep the initial bond healthy and strong. This is needed to co-parent children in a synergistic way. Being refreshed and happy as a couple will mean more patient, loving parenting. On the other side of the coin, spending family time fulfills the full circle and is very satisfying to the couple that they are meeting the needs of their children.  It is rewarding to see your children happy and thriving from the time you have spent with them.

3. Going out with other couples is not “couple time” and really does not count as individual, one on one couple time. Yes it is fun and can be beneficial to be with other couples. But true “couple time” is when the two of you spend time together with out others involved. 

4.  Time spent does not always equal into nurturing and connecting time. Making sure you plan activities that encourage connection and interaction time is important.

5. Having friendships with others outside of our family can be healthy and helpful. As parents, being with other parents helps to feel not so alone in the sometimes challenging tasks of raising children.  Or maybe being with other empty nesters can help normalize the sometimes challenging transition.  I have found it does make a difference who we choose to have as friends. They can be a very healthy influence or a not so healthy influence. 

6. In ending I might say I have found that different stages may require a different breakdown of how much time we spend with each of our loved ones. But, we have to remember that all relationships will need some time and attention to stay alive and vibrant. Communication with all about these issues can help too.  Different folks may have different needs than our own. So when we talk about our needs and find out what our family and friends need to stay connected we can better grow these relationships.

Here is to balancing and growing and staying connected with the ones we love!!! 

Should my child watch PG-13 movies ???

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kid-watching-tvThis can be hard, deciding when your child is ready to begin watching PG-13 movies. There is a lot of  PUSH to allow children to see PG -13 movies earlier and earlier. Movies are a favorite pass time for children and also movie going can be a fun  parent / child or family activity. Here are some things to think about as you decide what is best for your child:

  • All PG -13 movies are not the same. So this may mean evaluating each of these movies beforehand if your child is on a border line as to their readiness for viewing PG – 13 movies in general.
  • The title PG – 13 gives some guidance as to the themes and the general idea as to the age that most children are ready for these kinds of movies.
  • Is MY child ready for this movie, developmentally and emotionally? Can they understand cognitively what the message is of this movie and can they handle what is portrayed in this movie? Are they ready to process violence or sexual themes or death if the movie deals with these kind of issues?
  • Is the message of this movie one for the age of my child?
  • Is it a message I want my child to have?
  • Get reviews on the movies. Check what the themes are. Go see it yourself before hand if you really are uncomfortable or unsure and feel you need to see it to decide.

It is so challenging as a parent when your child says all their friends are seeing a movie you feel they are not ready for and they say they want to see it. There are no perfect answers. Sometimes it is a compromise of letting children see a movie that is slightly above what they probably need if all of the children in their class have seen it and your child is feeling isolated and left out and not able to relate with the other children. Then there are other times when we feel for our particular child that they will have nightmares for weeks or it will create a fear they do not need to have at this point and that it just will not work. Parents have the tough job of evaluating and deciding what is best for their own child.

Going to the movies with your child can give you the advantage of discussing and giving your own thoughts to your values as a family, especially if the movie portrays very different values than you have as a family.  It can help by finding out what your child is thinking and by you being able to help them process what they have seen. 

Plus, parent / child or family movie going can be fun. And can create wonderful opportunities for discussion and sharing. Even if your child’s friend is invited, going to supervise opposed to dropping off gives you a chance later to visit with your child about the movie.

Movies have the opportunity to promote wonderful models and stories that are inspirational. Sometimes they do this and sometimes they do not. We can help guide or encourage movies that do so. Good luck in navigating the challenging waters of PG – 13 movies. Your child is lucky to have you as a thoughtful parent who assists with knowing the best time for this transition into this category of a movie.

Here is to finding lots of movies that matter and promote what we want for our children and their internal messaging!

A time to go, a time to rest – TAKING A COUPLE’S NAP

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napping dogsSometimes what we need is not to go somewhere; but, to listen to our bodies and rest when we need to. I am not talking about disrupting sleep schedules, but at times a NAP is what we need. There is something really warm and relaxing about taking a nap together as a couple. Maybe you have had an exhausting week and it is Saturday or Sunday afternoon and you have evening plans, but you are just so tired that you are cranky and not feeling like doing anything. You just want to curl up and go to sleep.

Yes, the weekend feels like many times that we need to hurry and get things done while we are not working. Or that we must do a family activity or a couple activity. But NAPPING can be the perfect couple activity!   

So . . .  if  you both feel tired and out of sorts, why not take a little nap TOGETHER. It can be a time to cuddle up and let the world go by for a bit. A time to feel close and relaxed together. A time to take care of yourselves and be connected and close all at the same time. 

You may be thinking I have kids. How does this work.? Well, it depends. If they are little and they have their own nap time, you can do it during this time period. If they are no longer napping,  you might arrange for a play date with a neighbor child. Or maybe you take advantage while your child or teen is out doing their own thing at a birthday party or practice, etc.

Here is to taking a break and connecting all at the same time!

HAPPY NAPPING !!!   

Daily “Feeling Check In” to Stay Connected

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how-u-are-feeling

We all know ideally we should connect on a deeper level on a daily basis with our loved ones. We really want to connect, but sometimes we get busy or tired or distracted and it just does not happen. Putting a FEELING CHECK IN as part of your routine can help.

I have found it can  help with connecting if we can set up a structured time to do a FEELING CHECK IN with each other. Here is what this might look like:

  • Ideally, this would be daily. But if not daily this could be done whenever you can. You might consider a weekly check in if your family is really busy and you think this might be more likely to happen.
  • This can be done as a couple or as a family or as a parent / child activity (If you have more than one child this could be done individually with each one of them privately.)
  • If you connect your FEELING CHECK IN  to another daily activity it is more likely to happen. For example: At the dinner table every night or with your child as part of their bedtime ritual.
  • The format can be structured in a variety of ways and you can decide what works best for you and your loved ones. Some possible FEELING CHECK IN formats are listed below. You can of course come up with your own unique FEELING CHECK IN format that best fits your own unique family. You are the expert on your family!
  1. Tell me about your least favorite part of the day. What about your most favorite part of your day?
  2. What was the most exciting part of your day? What was the most boring part of your day? What about what made you feel happy today? Any sad things that happened to you? Or things that made you angry? Things you really feel proud of? (You can mix this up or do the same each day. Plus, you can decide for yourself what feelings you most want to highlight and how many you want to include). You will not want this to come off as an interrogation or as invasive. Teens may be particularly sensitive. One of the briefer formats may work best for them.
  3. On a 1 to 10, with 10 being the best how was your day today? What made it that way?
  4. What feeling did you have the most today? 
  5. Tell me your top three feelings you had today.

 If you are doing this activity as a family you will want to consider the ages of your children and what they will understand and most be able to relate to. 

If you do this activity as a whole family (or as a parent / child or even as a couple) I feel care should be taken to protect privacy and need to not share, meaning someone should always be able to pass and not be pressured to reveal something they are not ready to share. Letting your children know they can always pass is important. We want to encourage sharing,but not force sharing. 

Last of all when your loved one shares their feelings with you, be respectful with full attention and focus; acknowledging and reflecting without giving advice and questioning. They will love you for this unconditional, loving response!  ♥ ♥

Playhouse Tulsa’s “Little Women” This Weekend

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Little-Women

For those of you who are fans of the book Little Women by Louisa May Alcott you may want to check out this weekend’s performances of Little Women done by Playhouse Tulsa’s Summer Stage Festival. This is an original adaptation written by Cody Daigle and commissioned for Playhouse Tulsa. 

This play is based on the classic book which tells the story of the March sisters – Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy. This is set in America Civil War times. Themes of friendship, love and family. It timeless tale.

This would be a wonderful activity for a mother and daughter, family or couple. It is all about relationships. A wonderful opportunity for lots of discussion afterwards.  Hope you will consider this play as part of your weekend activities.

Little Women

SummerStage Festival

July 12-13 at 7:30 p.m.; July 13-14 at 2 p.m.

John H. Williams Theatre, Tulsa PAC, 110 E 2nd

Tickets 918-596-7111 or www.tulsapac.com