Category Archives: Well Being

5 Ways to Help You Get Through the Holidays if You Are Grieving

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The holidays can be stressful for all of us. If you have had a recent loss or even one that is significant and years ago, it is even more challenging. We are all unique in how we grieve and that is important to take into account as to looking at the strategies I have listed. Doing what is best for you and your children is what is a general guiding principle.

1. ASSESS WHAT YOU & YOUR CHILDREN NEED FOR THE UPCOMING HOLIDAYS

Some questions that may help you access what you need.

  • What does your gut say what you need for yourself and / or for your children?
  • What kind of triggers are coming up for you and / or your children as the holidays approach? Note: Your children can be a toddler or a young adult or a not so young adult. They are always our children and part of being a parent is to help them through hard times.
  • What do you feel would be too much for you and your children?
  • What do you feel would feel best for you? Being at home? Activities outside of home? With what kind of balance?
  • Who do you want to be with / who feels supportive and really gets what is going on for you?
  • Are there some things that you absolutely do not want to do during the holidays?
  • Is there a way or ways you want to honor the person you have lost throughout the holidays?

2. DEVELOP A CUSTOM PLAN THAT IS BEST FOR YOU WITH SETTING NEEDED BOUNDARIES

  • Plan early.
  • Be flexible. Have some plan B’s. Consider not forcing what it turns out you really do not want to do in regard to what you originally planned. Or just feels like it is too much. It is ok to shift to what is needed.
  • Try to be respectful of your children’s grieving style, especially if it is different than yours. And be respectful of your own as well.
  • Decide what folks you want to spend time with and set up these together times early on so they can get be set in the busy holiday season. Plan as many get togethers as you feel you and your children need or want.
  • Sometimes we have well meaning friends or family that want us to do something we are not ready to do or may never want to do. This is up to us. We know what is best for us. We can respectably set boundaries or do what makes the most sense for us.

3. REMEMBERING ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AND THERE IS NO NORMAL

  • As we grieve, we find that our feelings are like waves – up and down. It is ok to feel all of our feelings, the uncomfortable, distressing feelings and it is ok as well to have happy feelings too. Accepting our hard feelings is the first step in healing.
  • We will always have parts of the person we lost with us. And it is ok to miss them. And it is ok to continue a relationship with them, just in a different way. Incorporating what our individual beliefs are about after death can be helpful. This will vary for each person.

4. WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT DO YOU NEED &. PUTTING IT IN PLACE EARLY

  • Putting things in place early is important. This is particularly important with our support people. Everyone’s schedules get very busy during holiday months. And for most of us, we have an inner circle of people that really get us and help us through our toughest times. It is not a bad. thing to broaden our support network, just for this reason noted.
  • Of course, it may be a friend, a family member or a church or group we identify with that know what we are going through. This can help us to not feel so alone. Of course, some. people feel we are never truly alone, depending on your beliefs.

5. COPING STRATEGIES FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Having some ‘go to coping strategies’ for our grief is helpful. There is nothing wrong with expressing our feelings, but there may be times we choose to shift and reach for a better feeling. For some this is when we know we are going to be in a group and we want to keep it together or it may be we want to be in more calm and together way if we feel our children need this from us if they are going through a tough time. Or to be functional at our work place. For the purpose of this brief blog article, I will list general options you can explore. Keep note of what works for you.

  • Deep Breathing
  • Positive Affirmations or Positive Self Talk
  • Tapping
  • Havening
  • Journaling
  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Walking Outside or Any Kind of Movement
  • Eye Rest – Progressive Relaxation
  • Container for Upset or Passing on to Higher Power
  • Pleasant Distraction
  • Soft, Relaxing Music or Healing Music
  • Being Out in Nature
  • Having a Form of Communication with the Person Who Has Passed
  • Regular Time Being with a Trusted Support Person Who Gets You and Does Not Judge
  • Working with a Therapist on a Regular Basis
  • Taking Grief Breaks / Doing Something You Enjoy

Online Oklahoma Women’s Grief Group – Connection and Support for the Holidays

For those of you who live in OK, I am offering an Online Oklahoma’s Women’s Group – Connection & Support During the Holidays. This will be held November 4 – December 9 on Tuesday mornings, 9:00 -10:30 am, Oklahoma Central Time.

Click the link below at the bottom of this page to see more detailed information on this upcoming group. Registration is due by this Friday, October 31, as this group starts next Tuesday, 9:00 – 10:30 am ,November 4 – December 9.

Contact Tanna to register: 918-749-1550 or tanna@stromtherapy.com

I can also do custom groups and can see individuals or families for grief counselling – In Person or Online. You can find out more about my practice on my website: www.stromtherapy.com

Below is the link to the flyer for the “Online, OK Women’s Grief Group – Connection and Support for the Holidays” I am offering.

https://t.e2ma.net/webview/xuq03h/ede4eccf8619d1cddbd6b1e506419fc1

NEW OK Women’s Online Grief Group for Support During the Holidays, November 4 – December 9, 2025, on Tuesdays, 9:00 – 10:30 am

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Help to Feel Better and Have Confidence Going Through the Holidays

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

The holidays are hard for those who have had a loss and are grieving. It could be a spouse or a partner or child or parent or others that have been significant for us. The holidays are a reminder of our loss and come with triggers bringing up feelings that can be very distressing.

This women’s support group can be helpful in being with others who are experiencing similar feelings. It is so nice to have someone “get us” when we are in a grieving state.

Each session will cover a specific topic that be of help to you and also time for reflection and communication with the others in the group. This group is limited to 10 women.

It is possible for a custom group to be set up if you have a group that would like to set this up. This is for those who live in Oklahoma as my mental health licensures are in Oklahoma.

If you live in OK and are looking for a convenient online group for support and connection during the holidays with like minded people, check out the link below to access the flyer with all the details on this 6 week support group.

https://t.e2ma.net/webview/lhkh2/69a896499e9f3d13a46c8570c346d846

I am Tanna Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, Clinical EFT Certified Practitioner and am the facilitator for this group. You can get in touch with me at my business number, 918-749-1550 or tanna@stromtherapy.com if you have questions or want to register.

“What if . . . ?” Creating Hope and Positive Momentum to Feeling Better

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As a therapist, I am always looking for ways to introduce hope and open the door to feeling better. Sometimes we get stuck in feelings that do not feel good.

The Focus Being on the Positive “What If . . . ?” opposed to the Negative “What If . . . ?”

We all have probably at one time or another said with worry, “What if it doesn’t work out?” “What if the doctor’s report comes back bad?” Etc. These are normal. The “What If . . . ?” I am introducing is flipping the script on these negative “What If . . . ?” to positive “What If . . . ?” This can help open us to hope and a way to better feelings.

Our Feelings Are Our Guidance System

I am not discounting upset feelings. In fact, I embrace and accept and acknowledge all feelings. As I know that this is the first step in our journey to feeling better. As time goes on and we feel heard and validated, we can begin to work toward letting some hope and good feelings in.

Note: If we are talking about trauma or significant depression or mental health issues this may be a longer road and many times with the help of a licensed therapist or mental health provider.

Examples of Positive “What If . . .?”

“What if I feel better today?”

“What if something good happens today?”

“What if we get along better today?”

“What if I feel less sad today?”

“What if I eat at least one good thing for me today?”

“What if things work out for me?”

“What if I feel more peaceful today?”

Photo by Letu00edcia Alvares on Pexels.com

What do your positive “What If . . . ?” starter sentences look like? Start your day out with what makes sense for you at the time. For an extra boost, go back to your positive “What If . . . ?” if you feel your self going negative. You can acknowledge the upset and then go to your positive “What if . . ?” that can make you feel better. Best wishes in using this strategy to feel more hopeful, letting in better feelings.

Important Note: This blog is not therapy but a psycho-educational article. If you have a trauma background or significant depression or other mental health issues, a licensed therapist or mental health provider would be best to consult with.

Strom Individual & Family Therapy – Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S and Clinical Certified EFT Practitioner. Providing In Person and Online Services in Oklahoma. www.stromtherapy.com

Making Your Own Easter Baskets – Fun and Inclusive Activity for All Ages

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Making Easter Fun for All = Creating Playful, Connection

Easter is a time for family, friends and loved ones to gather and celebrate in their own special ways. Most of us will include an egg hunt or a few special activities to include in this special day. What we don’t always think about is doing something that all ages can take part in. Or can be done regardless of the weather outside.

This could take place of an egg hunt or in addition to. And there is more than one way this activity could be done.

  • Each Family or Person Brings Small Easter Gifts for the Other Participants to Exchange – And each person brings their own Easter basket or Easter sack or whatever container they choice for their “Easter Basket”. These can be arranged as in the pic above or however you so desire. Basically this is set up for each. person to come and select items they want to put in their basket and they can, in addition, add some ribbons to their basket or whatever offering you have to decorate their baskets. Having a tag they can attach and decorate with their name will help with “mixups”. PROS: I like this version as everyone is involved and sharing small gifts for everyone. And it helps the host as to not having to do all the gathering and paying for all the items.

OR

  • The Host Provides All of the Small Easter Gifts for Putting in the Easter Baskets or Easter Sacks, etc. Easter Containers Can Be Provided by the Host or the Participants. This can help to keep it simple and if the host likes doing this kind of thing.
  • The Host will probably want to provide grass for the baskets and ribbon and tags to decorate and id the baskets. Or the host can ask a few folks to help with this as their contribution to the project.

IDEAS FOR PLACES TO BUY SMALL GIFTS: Think Dollar Store, or Another Discount Store, Bulk Buying Stores.

POSSIBLE INEXPENSIVE ITEMS: mini note pads, hair ties, mini bag of paper clips, mini bag of batteries, mini candles, baby oranges or apples, baby boxes of raisins, pencils, stickers, mini bubbles, mini play doughs, etc. OR something you have a bunch of from a bulk buy.

GIFTS FROM THE HEART: A Homemade, Healthy or Sweet Treat, Easter Compliments for Each Person (could be put in an Easter egg – done specifically for each person), A Poem or Quote Or Inspirational Message, etc, I really like this option as it addresses what we really need – love, meaning, and connection.

OTHER THINGS TO CONSIDER: Including gifs for different interests, young and older. Maybe doing different colours of one item for a choice. Choosing things that are on the smaller side to fit in a basket or small sack.

SPECIAL NOTE ABOUT COOPERATIVE EGG HUNTS FOR ALL AGES: In my blog collection you should be able to find my ideas and personal experience with doing ‘”cooperative egg hunts” with individual eggs marked for each person. This is to move away from some children upset as they did not gather as many eggs as others. Plus, I always include adults in my cooperative hunts. Oh what fun to see folks help each other find their eggs.

To me the important thing is to create interactive, playful activities that your loved ones can all do together, creating connection and a sense of belonging – what a beautiful Easter gift you have created!

No one is you and that is your SUPER POWER!

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I went to a therapy training recently on the use of media in relationship to super heroes and villains, using innovative ways to help clients find their own unique Super Powers. I have written about Super Powers before. This is just a bit of an additional twist to my original post.

One of the exercises we were asked to do was to choose a super hero or villain that we identified with. I just went with my gut and choose “Super Woman”. The version I know is a woman who is strong and resilient and courageous as she overcomes adversity and grief. She is also a protector. For a variety of reasons, I could identify. The activity, of course, was for us to get in touch with our own unique strengths or those that are there within us that we want to bring to the forefront to aid us in our journey called life.

I found this “no one is you . . . ” poster above recently and had to purchase it, as it really resonated with me. The whole concept that it is our own unique self that is our Super Power is so self empowering. We each have our own unique combination of characteristics and personality and gifts. It is our own special blend of our Super Power.

I hope you too will look within and find your own unique mix that makes you who you are and what is always there for you to use in your daily life or in times of worry or upset.

Here is to all of us and the wonderful gifts we can draw on for ourselves and also as a gift to others and the world around us.

What character or super hero do you identify with?

It’s the “Little Things” That Make Us Feel Better

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Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S, CCPS, Clinical EFT Certified Practitioner Virtual Therapy for All of Oklahoma We all have times of feeling overwhelm or stress. Maybe anxious. We are all very human and need a way to feel better … Continue reading →

The Power of Gratitude – Setting Yourself Up to Feel Good

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Nothing is more powerful than remembering all the “good things” in our life to counteract the distressing feelings that seek to creep in during these very challenging times. 

As we approach Thanksgiving, this can be a time to pause and reflect on the good things that are happening all around us. Clearly being mindful of and holding these things within us, letting them sink in and take root is a welcome balm to sooth and reassure us we are going to be ok. 

We can use this time as a reboot to begin to see the good that gets lost among all the hard parts we are going through right now. This upcoming season is known for the light that comes through during the darkest part of the year. Gratitude can pave the way.

Consider starting a regular “gratitude practice”. There are many ways to do this. I am offering some examples to get you thinking as to you creating your own unique practice. 

Starting a Gratitude Practice

  • Dinner Gratitude Ritual – We can start this during this Thanksgiving Time or anytime we so desire. Having a nightly dinner ritual were we all let our family know what we are grateful or thankful or happy for that happened that day. Even if you live by yourself you can take note of the good that has occurred. What a lovely way to end of the day.
  • Blessing Jar or Happy Jar – This can be named in whatever way is a fit for you personally or for your family. It can be done just for yourself or for your family. This can be set up to be done spontaneously or can be done in a routine, set time. Some families like to do this during their weekly family meeting or Sunday meal together. You can experiment and see what fits best. Very simply have paper and pen next to a jar. I like to use mason jars and start with a new one each year, labeling what year it is. Of course, one could use a box or any other container. You or your family could decorate the outside of the container to personalize it if you would like. Or it could just be a simple jar with the year marked on the lid. Having a time when you review all your blessing each year is a nice way to end the year, reflecting on all the good that has occurred.
  • Gratitude Journal – This is normally done individually. But could be a family one as well. Most folks who do these will write down 3-5 things or as many as they like of what they feel grateful or thankful for that day. These can be very simple things. In fact remembering to notice these small things can really increase our good feelings. Some people will date their entry. Before going to bed is a great time to do this activity, letting all the good things sink in from the day.
  • Notes of Gratitude to Others – This is taking your gratitude practice to another level. When we share our gratitude with others it can feel so good to see how we have uplifted another person. It is a very special gift you have given. This of course can be done verbally as well. Sharing compliments and encouragement with our own family is so very important.
  • Gratitude Affirmations – You can collect or make up these affirmations of gratitude and thankfulness. Saying them at the beginning and / or end of the day or spontaneously when you feel you need them can help to rewire your brain to see more of the good. And isn’t this what we all want – to feel good.

Expressing gratitude for the good things in your life will lead to more good things. When we focus on the good, we find more good coming into our life. I wish you the very best as you begin your own gratitude practice.

Create Your Own “Feel Better” Plan

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Many of you are in a place where you are struggling to keep your anxiety and depression at bay during this health crisis our nation is experiencing. I have many resources I will be sharing in the weeks to come. But first I thought it may be helpful to look at how to structure a general “Feel Better” Plan that is customized just for you.

Here are some of the steps that can assist you in individualizing a plan that is a fit for you and works best for you specifically.

  1. Create a plan that is best for YOU, not what someone else may say is the best for all. There is no one size fits all.
  2. To organize your thoughts you might start with a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle, determining what does NOT make you feel better and what does make you feel better. 
  • One side for, “What Does Not Make Me Feel Better at This Time?”
  • The other side, “What Does Make Me Feel Better At This Time?”
  • You can add to the Feel Better Side near the bottom a horizontal line with a title “Possible New Things to Try”
  • You may need more than one sheet to collect all of your ideas.
Feel Better Plan

3. Set aside some quiet, uninterrupted time to reflect and think carefully about these questions that will assist you in putting together this general plan to help make you feel better. 

4.  Put this visual FEEL BETTER PLAN up on your frig or on your mirror, etc. as a reference to go to when you needing some concrete ideas. Many times when we are upset it is hard to think clearly, thus a solid plan to look back at when needed.

5. Use an electronic folder to collect items that you are sent or you come across or find that you feel are helpful in lowering anxiety or depression or makes you feel better. I get good ideas on a daily basis from a variety of sources but without  putting them in an central place, they just simply get lost. I am not perfect about doing this but I do try and it has helped when I want to refer back to something. Some of these come in form of a video or an audio format, so the electronic folder is helpful.

6. Make a routine that fits for you. Many professionals feel that a routine can be helpful in assisting you to feel better. What kind of structure and what it looks like is a very individual thing. Structure can make you feel more safe when things around you may not feel stable or controllable.

  • Consider the beginning and end of your day for a routine that makes you feel safe, nurtured and hopeful.
  • Routines do not need to be rigid or stressful or overwhelming. They are intended to make us feel better.

7. Fill your day with things that make you feel good.  The more you can fill your day with things that make you feel happy or safe or bring a smile to your face, the better you will feel.  These interventions can be small and interspersed throughout the day. It may actually be better to spread out these uplifting activities. They can be intentional and spontaneous. When you find healthy things that really make you feel good, do more of them. It will serve you well.

I recently heard a meditation podcast in which Gabrielle Bernstein  said “It is good to feel good.” This is a very fitting, ending remark. It is good to feel good! My best wishes to you all in finding your own way to feeling good.

I will be adding “feel better” resources in the weeks to come for you to choose from as you create and continue to add things to your “Feel Better” Plan.

Professional Disclosure: This blog is offered as educational information and is not offered as professional therapeutic services. This is not intended as treatment. For professional help contact your local mental health professional. Strom Individual and Family Therapy is not liable for any action or non action you take in regard to this article.

Five Strategies to Create the Best Self Care for YOU

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adult air beautiful beauty

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi

What does “self care” mean and how do you create what is the best self care for you? It is a bit confusing and overwhelming at times, figuring out what might be the most helpful wellness plan for ourselves. I am going to give my thoughts in a nutshell as to how to find the best self care for you.

First of all, what is self care?  I see self care as incorporating healthy ways to keep your mind, body, and soul strong, vibrant and healthy.  Well being is another word I sometimes use for self care.

stones pebbles wellness balance

Photo by Skitterphoto

Five Strategies to Create the Best Self Care for YOU . . . 

  1. First on the list is to recognize what is best for you may not look like what is best for your spouse or for your best friend or whatever is currently in fashion. Choose what will make the most difference for you. We are all unique individuals with varying values and goals. Think about what you feel you are missing that would help you feel better.  What areas in your life do you feel do not contribute to your well being or serve you well?  Focus on these areas to make changes that will help you to feel strong and vibrant, full of well being.   Currently for my self I have been focusing on more meditation and prayer, plus more movement. And then, adding more fun in my life:)  You may be trying to get more sleep or eat in a more healthy way or hydrate your body more.  It might be decluttering a room. You will have your own individual needs.
  2. Consider the “season” of your life and what will fit in comfortably  and dove tail with what is going on in your life at this time.  Decide what is most important and in what way you can integrate it into your current chapter of life. Basically it is about taking it a step at a time and doing what you can do and feeling good about it.   Small changes can make big difference in feeling better.  Be compassionate with yourself as you go through this journey toward more well being and vibrant energy.
  3. Be holistic in your plan for self care.  Taking care of ourselves is more than creating an exercise plan. To look at your body, mind and soul is all important. It all works together for creating what will be the strongest and most vibrantly healthy you, as we now know there is a mind-body connection. Taking it one step at a time and starting with what you feel will be the most beneficial for you keeps it from being overwhelming. And then continuing to add in what will make you feel more strong, healthy and happy.
  4. Create a plan that is flexible and evolving.  Perfection is not the goal.  It is helpful to remember it is not a competition, but an unfolding of creating what is best for you and what you value and deem as most important.  Your body and state of mental welling being will tell you where you need to start or put the most focus on. Listen to your internal gut. Being willing to try new things can help. There are many roads to self care. You will find some of these new things fit and some will not. You can always re-align yourself to a better fit if need be.
  5. Design a plan that is balanced as to your own self care and that of maintaining a healthy family and relationship life and attending to your work and to what you consider your “purpose”.  This can be tricky as many of us live very full lives and it can feel like we do not have time for self care and relationship and work care as well. It is possible at times to merge your self care with relationship care if you are doing some of these things together. Maybe you are cooking healthy food together or it might be you are doing family walks in the evening together or other activities that promote good self care. Of course, sometimes the self care is about having some quiet time by yourself.  Everyone communicating about how to incorporate every ones needs is important and keeps misunderstandings from occurring with your loved ones.

shallow focus photography of purple flowers

Photo by Brandon Montrone

Ending Thoughts

Self care is about caring for you and choosing to do what is ultimately best for you as a whole person, interweaving this with all of the other aspects of your life. It is a journey and it will shift and change as you do. I have found personally to accept that my self care endeavors will not be perfect and that is ok. Getting back up and starting again when I get off track is just a part of this evolving plan that shifts and aliens with the rest of my life. I will at time have more focus on my family and work and other times more focus on my self care. Of course having self care be consistent is most helpful, but I know at times this will not happen due to special circumstances. Life is a continuing flow of choices and a need to focus on what you deem most important at the time. All of the pieces are like a tapestry and can be woven together to create the life you want.

I wish you the best in your journey to better self care and creating your own beautiful tapestry.

I welcome comments from you as to what has been helpful for you in your journey to better self care and wellness.

Professional Disclosure: This blog is offered as educational information and is not offered as professional therapeutic services. This is not intended as treatment. For professional help contact your local mental health professional. Strom Individual and Family Therapy is not liable for any action or non action you take in regard to this article.

 

It’s All in the Detail – Highlighting the Good and Increasing Your Happiness and Others

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woman with flowers around her head not photo

Look for the detail and live in the right here and right now, leaving behind the past and future worry. Of course we need to at times reflect on the past or contemplate the future. But making sure we have a significant portion of our daily living in the present with focus on the detail is so refreshing and renewing for us. When we choose to focus on the positive details or what makes us happy that will bring us the most joy and happiness. And isn’t that what most of us want.

How to Bring More Present Centered Detail to Your Life to Increase Happiness

  1. Create a Daily Mindful Practice That Celebrates Detail. Choose each day to have some time that you consciously take time to see the detail in your environment and / or in your relationships.
  2. Use Your Five Senses to Find the Detail. Search for detail using your five senses: sight, sound, touch, hearing, and smell It is simply letting ourself sink into your senses to really be with something or someone.
  3. Detail the Happy. Let your detailed focus “highlight” or shine light on the POSITIVE and what makes you feel hopeful and happy.
  4. Pay the Detail Forward. Let others know the cool things you have noticed and appreciate, weather it is about what is around you or what you are grateful for or what you love or appreciate about them that you have noticed when you are wearing your “look for happy detail glasses”.
  5. Play Back the “Feel Good” Details to Enjoy the Benefits. You now have stored some detailed happy feelings from the detail you have chosen to notice, You can go back and access these memories whenever you like. They become stronger and more wired in your brain when you do this.

Enjoy each and every day finding the beautiful things around you. And look at the relationships in your life and find the small things that others do for you and let them know how much you appreciate this. Pay it forward!