Is your life balanced and are you doing what is important to you? I think BALANCE is one of the key words that is so very crucial for well-being for all of us. I love my life, most of the time. But … Continue reading
Life has a way of throwing us a curve ball, at times adding challenges that seem to gray every thing around us. Due to a recent illness within my family that ended with a surgery, I went to that gray place. I was thinking to myself, “Ok you are a therapist, what do you want to do here to feel better?” I found Rick Hanson’s book: Hardwiring Happiness peeking through my most recent stack of books by my reading chair. I began re-reading parts of Rick’s book and found one of my favorite parts about taking in the good. I like to call it “letting in the good”. I really like this concept of letting the good come in even when it feels dark and gray. Our brain does gravitate to the “dark side”. As Rick Hanson likes to say the negative experiences are like velcro and the positive experiences are like teflon. The brain has a negativity bias that is built-in to keep us safe. Understanding this principle helps us to know we have to highlight and focus on the good to experience it more easily. I’m not saying we should not let our self feel sad, that is important as well. But we have to be vigilant not to go to the “dark side” and hide from the light that is always there for us.
Out of the weeds and tangles of life great beauty can be found.
A bit later I decided to do a bit of writing in my gratitude journal as this is always a mood lifter. As I began to write I thought why not do a more descriptive writing entry in my gratitude journal to “let more of the good come in”. First of all let me say a bit about “letting in the good”. The following is a summary of the first three of the four steps of what Rick Hanson calls “taking in the good”. In this case it is in past tense as you are remembering and recalling.
LETTING IN THE GOOD
You can use this process of “letting in the good” as you write in your gratitude journal. For some a gratitude journal may be more about listing what you are grateful for that has happened to you that day. In a Descriptive Gratitude Journal you would want to do the following:
I hope you will try this enhanced gratitude journal writing. The good feelings will have a better opportunity of becoming a part of you, living on. And of course the more you journal about your positive experiences the more that you will draw more positive experiences to you.
Best wishes for happy days ahead!
We all want a PERFECT life, with all good things always coming our way. Nothing wrong with that. What we envision will many times be what we get, just not always in the form we think it will come or with the exact timing we wanted. We are all human and live in a human world with constant change and things not always going in the way we planned. Being able to go through those times and still be happy is a sweet thing indeed. It means we have some control over our emotions and have some choice. Isn’t that a grand thing.
Please Note: I do want to say I am not promoting that we ignore our upset or sad or angry feelings. Those are all valid and should be acknowledged. I am promoting that we allow ourselves to go beyond this when we are ready to do so and know that it is possible. I am saying basically we do not have to stay stuck in an emotion that we have more choice that we all think.
In the end, it is all about perception, how we view something and how we choose to respond. We can choose happiness. It is just a step away. It may not look the way we originally thought it would, but it is still there. So go for it. It does not have to all be perfect to be happy. So step out and dare to be happy even when all is not perfect. You will be glad you did!
Can we really unplug, relax and enjoy? I say yes, we can do this. But it is a very conscious choice we make in each and every moment I think. As of recent due to increased job, community and personal commitments I have found myself in a place to really re-look at this concept.
As I begin my vacation travels this week, I see lots of folks completely plugged in and checked out to others around them, including themselves. I am not suggesting we all throw out all of our electronic devices we are all a bit addicted to. But I am suggesting that we do a check in with ourself every so often as to the balance of being emerged in our high-tech environments and the “crazy busy” life so many of us create for ourselves AND taking time for self-care and letting joy and peace flow into our live. Thus my own check in as I take some time away from it all.
As I sat on a plane earlier yesterday, I sat across from a father who had his young baby son lying on his lap. The baby was asleep with his little arms flung out above his head, a content and utterly peaceful experience on his face. To his side dad had another child who was resting on his shoulder, cuddled up and asleep by her daddy. It was all so sweet and very calming to be sitting by. A bit of a “wake up call” for me to take more time for this beautiful, peaceful calm together time with my loved ones. Without this balance we can feel disconnected and very un-centered.
So I am off to begin this process to re-balancing once again. And yes it is an over and over process I think. It is so easy to get off course, but always possible to get back on a path of more joy and peacefulness.
Some questions you might ask yourself as you too are trying to access and get back on the path:
I hope you will enjoy this beautiful spring time emerging around us and use it as a time for re-birth and new beginnings toward better self-care and reaching for all the joy and happiness you deserve.
Much peace and love to you all.
Your child is angry and beginning to escalate. Or you know your child is anxious and not sure how to feel better. I want to share a simple, fun technique designed for children I recently learned about at the Oklahoma Play Therapy Association’s Annual Conference. Dr. Jennifer Baggerly, PhD, Professor at the Counseling and Human Services at the University of North Texas at Dallas presented the Butterfly Technique. Here is how it works:
5. Continue “Butterfly Breathing” until your child feels more calm. Model and do this with them as they learn this technique.
Note: One website that shows the Butterfly Breathing technique with the 1,2, 3 count is: elfenworks.org/butterfly. In addition you may go to iTunes and look at the Butterfly Breathing app put out by Elfenworks, which is free. The Elfenworks site has a butterfly breathing script and additional information in regard to their butterfly breathing technique.
To add to your “Butterfly Breathing” you can add “Butterfly Hugs”. Here is how you would do butterfly hugs:
Good luck with your butterfly breathing and butterfly hugs and remember you may find it helpful for yourself to use as well. And the more you model for your child the more he or she will probably use it!
We mess up, we make mistakes, we are human! We all have times we are not happy with something we did or did not do. So we might begin by telling ourselves: “It is ok. I am human and I can make mistakes. I am still capable and worthy of being loved.”
We are destined to be our best version of our self. Getting there means being ok with our human mistakes and “mess ups”. This is not to say that we do not make amends or ask for forgiveness when appropriate. It means we forgive ourselves and find compassion for ourselves. This is the first step of course to doing the same with others in our life. It is the first step toward going where we want to go.
Best wishes in your human journey of loving and forgiving yourself. It is a basic for being at peace and continuing on to where you truly want to go!
Let’s look at the number 1 stress buster for the holidays – SIMPLIFY. So what does it mean when we say simplify? Does it mean do nothing or give up on the holidays? Absolutely not. Let’s look at the basics … Continue reading
I sometimes suggest a “Happy Journal” for a client who needs to do more focusing on the “happy stuff”. I at times will ask the entire family to partake in this simple, but very effective activity. I always like to remind folks that “what we focus on is what we get more of”. Thus, for those who want to have a happier family here is a tool to encourage your family to look for the happy in their lives.
The Set Up for Beginning Your Happy Journal Family Adventure
I hope you will try this whether your family is just you as a couple or if you are a couple with a young child or if you are a single parent family or a blended one. It is all good, encouraging each other to see the happy things that are all around us!!!
Not really sure what it is you need to be happy or feel at peace. You might try to access your wisdom from your “future self”. I recently had gotten away from doing my regular meditation. In doing so, I decided to try a new guided meditation. This one was through Hayhouse’s Meditation Mondays series. So I checked out “Reclaim Your Energy Guided Meditation with Lissa Rankin – Monday Meditation. You can find this on youtube.com This is where I came up with my own version of your “future self”. I have used a similar concept in the past. It was a nice reminder of how one might access more of their inner wisdom.
Your “future self” is how you see yourself in the future if things are going the way you would want them to go. You would be doing what you want and living the way you want to live, being with those that make you happy, etc. This is your brighter, how you want your life to be self. In Dr. Rankin’s meditation she uses your future self in 5 years. But you could choose another span of time if it makes more sense to you.
Good luck in your meeting with your “future self”.
We all know when we focus on “the good”, it feels good and it creates more good. Gratitude or thankfulness is really a close cousin to focusing on “the good”. Let me share a most recent practice I have been experiencing that I have found helpful in my busy life that I would like to pass on as a possible gratitude practice that you might consider.
I have kept and still do keep a gratitude journal. Sometimes when my life is overflowing with activity, this practice can tend to give way to other things. And I really can tell a difference when I am not doing it on a consistent basis. So . . . I have tweaked this practice a bit or added a piece that works well in tandem.
This really is about being open to the good and actually saying to yourself or to others if they are involved “THANK YOU!” I think it even works best when we search for the very small things that occur for us throughout the day and acknowledge them at that very moment. It really can become a way of life. It can literally change your life for the good.
I still encourage a recording of the good in written form as there is something very powerful about the written word. It really does anchor things. So don’t throw away your gratitude journal. Just add this small practice of acknowledging the good and expressing thankfulness. Sometimes I say it out loud. A simple “Thank You”. This can be tied into your spiritual practice if you so desire to make it even more meaningful.
Here are a few very simple small kinds of things you might be thankful for:
You are late and a parking place appears very close to where you need to go. “Thank You!”
You have lost your keys. You take a breath and relax and it comes to you where to look and there they are. “Thank You!”
Your husband has started supper before you get in. “Thank You!”
You notice a the sky turning pink and orange as the sun sets. “Thank You!”
You are at the grocery store and look at the long line. As you are about to enter the line, another checker opens and says to you, I am open here. “Thank You!”
You catch a mistake just as you are getting ready to send out an email. “Thank You!”
Your child unexpectedly say thank you for something you have done. “Thank You!”
You are getting ready to write something and it just comes to you as to the right words. “Thank You!”
I might add that this practice is a relationship building practice as well in that the more you express appreciation to others and what they are doing, the more they will see you in a positive light. We all want to be around folks who appreciate us. You will probably find those you compliment or thank will return this action in the future. What a great way to live appreciating and expressing our gratitude to one another.
Best wishes for lots of “Thank You’s!” ahead of you. Just be on the look out. You will find oh so many things to be thankful for.
Oh yes, “THANK YOU for reading this blog article!”
creating branches 