Tag Archives: Happiness

“What if . . . ?” Creating Hope and Positive Momentum to Feeling Better

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As a therapist, I am always looking for ways to introduce hope and open the door to feeling better. Sometimes we get stuck in feelings that do not feel good.

The Focus Being on the Positive “What If . . . ?” opposed to the Negative “What If . . . ?”

We all have probably at one time or another said with worry, “What if it doesn’t work out?” “What if the doctor’s report comes back bad?” Etc. These are normal. The “What If . . . ?” I am introducing is flipping the script on these negative “What If . . . ?” to positive “What If . . . ?” This can help open us to hope and a way to better feelings.

Our Feelings Are Our Guidance System

I am not discounting upset feelings. In fact, I embrace and accept and acknowledge all feelings. As I know that this is the first step in our journey to feeling better. As time goes on and we feel heard and validated, we can begin to work toward letting some hope and good feelings in.

Note: If we are talking about trauma or significant depression or mental health issues this may be a longer road and many times with the help of a licensed therapist or mental health provider.

Examples of Positive “What If . . .?”

“What if I feel better today?”

“What if something good happens today?”

“What if we get along better today?”

“What if I feel less sad today?”

“What if I eat at least one good thing for me today?”

“What if things work out for me?”

“What if I feel more peaceful today?”

Photo by Letu00edcia Alvares on Pexels.com

What do your positive “What If . . . ?” starter sentences look like? Start your day out with what makes sense for you at the time. For an extra boost, go back to your positive “What If . . . ?” if you feel your self going negative. You can acknowledge the upset and then go to your positive “What if . . ?” that can make you feel better. Best wishes in using this strategy to feel more hopeful, letting in better feelings.

Important Note: This blog is not therapy but a psycho-educational article. If you have a trauma background or significant depression or other mental health issues, a licensed therapist or mental health provider would be best to consult with.

Strom Individual & Family Therapy – Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S and Clinical Certified EFT Practitioner. Providing In Person and Online Services in Oklahoma. www.stromtherapy.com

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT HOLIDAYS ~creating a meaningful holiday ~

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Focusing on what we most want can help us to create the meaningful, joyful holiday we most desire. It is all about deciding what we most want. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself or your spouse / partner or your family to figure out what feels most meaningful to you. If you are living as a couple or have a family, you might consider doing a family meeting and considering the questions below. And then trying to incorporate what you all most want into your plans.

Note: If you are single or live alone, you can still go through this process to determine what you can create that gives you the most meaningful holiday.

  1. What would your best holiday LOOK LIKE to you or your family?
  2. What would you or your family FEEL LIKE if you were experiencing this meaningful holiday.
  3. What words or phrases DESCRIBE YOUR VISION of a meaningful holiday?

Here are some words / phrases you and your family can choose from as to what you might feel fits for your meaningful holiday. You can add your own words / phrases that describe what most fits for you.

Special Holiday Activities (what specific activities do you want to include)

Spending Time Together (how much time together and how)

Feeling Connected (what would it look like to be connected)

Having Fun (how would you know. you are having fun)

Special Foods (what foods would that be for you)

Religious / Spiritual Activities (what specific things do you want to do or not do in this category)

Special Traditions to Include or New Ones to Start (which ones do you want to see happen)

Down Time / Relaxing / At Home Time (how much would you want to feel balanced & feel good among so much going on during the holidays)

Consider Including the following as you plan this purpose driven holiday:

BE realistic, giving time to breathe and create space in between to really enjoy what you do choose to do.

BE flexible, allowing imperfections and interruption of plans.

BE who you are with doing what means the most to you, remembering you do not have to be perfect!

________________________________________________________________________________________

Special Note: This article is not intended as therapy. This is a psycho-educational article.

CONTACT INFORMATION :

Tanna K, Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S

Virtual Therapy for Oklahoma

Licensed Marital & Family Therapist

Licensed Professional Counselor / Supervisor

Registered Play Therapist / Supervisor

Certified Clinical EFT Practitioner (aka “tapping” for anyone in the USA)

tanna@stromtherapy.com

918- 749-1550

What is Your Superpower?

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“What is your Superpower?” Or maybe I should say “What are your Superpowers?” These are your beautiful strengths that can define you and make you strong and capable. Taking some time and remembering who you are with all your awesome strengths can help you create the life you desire.

So why focus on what your Superpowers or what your strengths are?

  1. They remind you of who you truly are – a person who is valuable and worthy.
  2. They help you to use your natural abilities to help you create the life you want.
  3. They can help you to access the answer or solution to your problem or worry.
  4. They can help you in times of distress or upset feelings.
  5. They enable you to access your talents to pursue your passions.
  6. They can be used to share what others may need – acts of kindness.

Be Happy. Use Your Superpowers. Be Uniquely You!

So how do I decide what my Superpowers are?

  • What do you feel you are good at?
  • What do others say you are good at?
  • What attributes are you proud of about yourself?
  • What makes you unique?

*** Write these Superpowers down and put them up somewhere so that you can remember that this is what makes you so special and one of a kind. You are meant to shine brightly. ***

Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S. Certified Clinical EFT Practitioner Online Therapy for Oklahoma http://www.stromtherapy.com tanna@stromtherapy.com 918-749-1555 http://www.facebook.com/stromtherapy

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    Special Note: This blog article is for educational purposes only and is not intended for therapy purposes. It is not medical or therapy advice.

    It’s the “Little Things” That Make Us Feel Better

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    Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S, CCPS, Clinical EFT Certified Practitioner Virtual Therapy for All of Oklahoma We all have times of feeling overwhelm or stress. Maybe anxious. We are all very human and need a way to feel better … Continue reading →

    The Power of Gratitude – Setting Yourself Up to Feel Good

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    Nothing is more powerful than remembering all the “good things” in our life to counteract the distressing feelings that seek to creep in during these very challenging times. 

    As we approach Thanksgiving, this can be a time to pause and reflect on the good things that are happening all around us. Clearly being mindful of and holding these things within us, letting them sink in and take root is a welcome balm to sooth and reassure us we are going to be ok. 

    We can use this time as a reboot to begin to see the good that gets lost among all the hard parts we are going through right now. This upcoming season is known for the light that comes through during the darkest part of the year. Gratitude can pave the way.

    Consider starting a regular “gratitude practice”. There are many ways to do this. I am offering some examples to get you thinking as to you creating your own unique practice. 

    Starting a Gratitude Practice

    • Dinner Gratitude Ritual – We can start this during this Thanksgiving Time or anytime we so desire. Having a nightly dinner ritual were we all let our family know what we are grateful or thankful or happy for that happened that day. Even if you live by yourself you can take note of the good that has occurred. What a lovely way to end of the day.
    • Blessing Jar or Happy Jar – This can be named in whatever way is a fit for you personally or for your family. It can be done just for yourself or for your family. This can be set up to be done spontaneously or can be done in a routine, set time. Some families like to do this during their weekly family meeting or Sunday meal together. You can experiment and see what fits best. Very simply have paper and pen next to a jar. I like to use mason jars and start with a new one each year, labeling what year it is. Of course, one could use a box or any other container. You or your family could decorate the outside of the container to personalize it if you would like. Or it could just be a simple jar with the year marked on the lid. Having a time when you review all your blessing each year is a nice way to end the year, reflecting on all the good that has occurred.
    • Gratitude Journal – This is normally done individually. But could be a family one as well. Most folks who do these will write down 3-5 things or as many as they like of what they feel grateful or thankful for that day. These can be very simple things. In fact remembering to notice these small things can really increase our good feelings. Some people will date their entry. Before going to bed is a great time to do this activity, letting all the good things sink in from the day.
    • Notes of Gratitude to Others – This is taking your gratitude practice to another level. When we share our gratitude with others it can feel so good to see how we have uplifted another person. It is a very special gift you have given. This of course can be done verbally as well. Sharing compliments and encouragement with our own family is so very important.
    • Gratitude Affirmations – You can collect or make up these affirmations of gratitude and thankfulness. Saying them at the beginning and / or end of the day or spontaneously when you feel you need them can help to rewire your brain to see more of the good. And isn’t this what we all want – to feel good.

    Expressing gratitude for the good things in your life will lead to more good things. When we focus on the good, we find more good coming into our life. I wish you the very best as you begin your own gratitude practice.

    Five Strategies to Create the Best Self Care for YOU

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    adult air beautiful beauty

    Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi

    What does “self care” mean and how do you create what is the best self care for you? It is a bit confusing and overwhelming at times, figuring out what might be the most helpful wellness plan for ourselves. I am going to give my thoughts in a nutshell as to how to find the best self care for you.

    First of all, what is self care?  I see self care as incorporating healthy ways to keep your mind, body, and soul strong, vibrant and healthy.  Well being is another word I sometimes use for self care.

    stones pebbles wellness balance

    Photo by Skitterphoto

    Five Strategies to Create the Best Self Care for YOU . . . 

    1. First on the list is to recognize what is best for you may not look like what is best for your spouse or for your best friend or whatever is currently in fashion. Choose what will make the most difference for you. We are all unique individuals with varying values and goals. Think about what you feel you are missing that would help you feel better.  What areas in your life do you feel do not contribute to your well being or serve you well?  Focus on these areas to make changes that will help you to feel strong and vibrant, full of well being.   Currently for my self I have been focusing on more meditation and prayer, plus more movement. And then, adding more fun in my life:)  You may be trying to get more sleep or eat in a more healthy way or hydrate your body more.  It might be decluttering a room. You will have your own individual needs.
    2. Consider the “season” of your life and what will fit in comfortably  and dove tail with what is going on in your life at this time.  Decide what is most important and in what way you can integrate it into your current chapter of life. Basically it is about taking it a step at a time and doing what you can do and feeling good about it.   Small changes can make big difference in feeling better.  Be compassionate with yourself as you go through this journey toward more well being and vibrant energy.
    3. Be holistic in your plan for self care.  Taking care of ourselves is more than creating an exercise plan. To look at your body, mind and soul is all important. It all works together for creating what will be the strongest and most vibrantly healthy you, as we now know there is a mind-body connection. Taking it one step at a time and starting with what you feel will be the most beneficial for you keeps it from being overwhelming. And then continuing to add in what will make you feel more strong, healthy and happy.
    4. Create a plan that is flexible and evolving.  Perfection is not the goal.  It is helpful to remember it is not a competition, but an unfolding of creating what is best for you and what you value and deem as most important.  Your body and state of mental welling being will tell you where you need to start or put the most focus on. Listen to your internal gut. Being willing to try new things can help. There are many roads to self care. You will find some of these new things fit and some will not. You can always re-align yourself to a better fit if need be.
    5. Design a plan that is balanced as to your own self care and that of maintaining a healthy family and relationship life and attending to your work and to what you consider your “purpose”.  This can be tricky as many of us live very full lives and it can feel like we do not have time for self care and relationship and work care as well. It is possible at times to merge your self care with relationship care if you are doing some of these things together. Maybe you are cooking healthy food together or it might be you are doing family walks in the evening together or other activities that promote good self care. Of course, sometimes the self care is about having some quiet time by yourself.  Everyone communicating about how to incorporate every ones needs is important and keeps misunderstandings from occurring with your loved ones.

    shallow focus photography of purple flowers

    Photo by Brandon Montrone

    Ending Thoughts

    Self care is about caring for you and choosing to do what is ultimately best for you as a whole person, interweaving this with all of the other aspects of your life. It is a journey and it will shift and change as you do. I have found personally to accept that my self care endeavors will not be perfect and that is ok. Getting back up and starting again when I get off track is just a part of this evolving plan that shifts and aliens with the rest of my life. I will at time have more focus on my family and work and other times more focus on my self care. Of course having self care be consistent is most helpful, but I know at times this will not happen due to special circumstances. Life is a continuing flow of choices and a need to focus on what you deem most important at the time. All of the pieces are like a tapestry and can be woven together to create the life you want.

    I wish you the best in your journey to better self care and creating your own beautiful tapestry.

    I welcome comments from you as to what has been helpful for you in your journey to better self care and wellness.

    Professional Disclosure: This blog is offered as educational information and is not offered as professional therapeutic services. This is not intended as treatment. For professional help contact your local mental health professional. Strom Individual and Family Therapy is not liable for any action or non action you take in regard to this article.

     

    Play for a Calmer, Happier You and for Better Relationships

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    photo by noah silliman

    We all want to feel happy and be connected with our loved ones. Play is a natural way for us to feel light and joyful thus spilling over into feelings of happiness and passing that on to the ones we love. Sounds pretty simple. But with our busy schedules and endless “to do” lists and activities, it may take some conscious effort to make this happen.

    As this is National Play Therapy Week, February 3-9, I thought this may be a good time to share some thoughts about play and some of it’s wonderful benefits. As a Registered Play Therapist I use play in a therapeutic way in my private practice. Not only is play helpful for children. It is helpful for adolescents and adults as well. Play is truly healing and restorative. It is connecting and relationship building. Play is a wonderful preventative prescription as it requires the focus of being in “the moment”, not worrying about the past or the future.

    Let’s look at ways to incorporate more play into your life. And how to do so in the most healthy ways possible.

    Play for YOU to Rejuvenate and Relax

    photo by ariana prestes
    1. Choose Something That You Really Like or Love, Just for the Pure Enjoyment of It. The key here is YOU and what YOU enjoy and brings YOU pleasure. This is not exercise or your yoga practice, etc. Even though these should bring you pleasure and feel good.
    2. Choose a Time That You Can Focus on the Playful Time and Let Go of the Past or the Future. Just allowing a time for you and the feeling of playfulness and joy.
    3. Choose Something that is Lighthearted and Fun. There is lots of time we spend in our life being serious. This is a  good thing. But we all need balance.   Pure fun is such a freeing  feeling that gives us a break from our worry.. So give yourself this gift.  You  deserve it!
    4. Take a Break From Your “TO DO LIST”. Doesn’t that sound wonderful. Just not doing anything on this list will open up space to be playful and rejuvenate your spirit.

    Some possible playful ideas for YOU:

    • Spend time in nature, enjoying all that you love in the outdoor setting.
    • Cuddle up with and play with your animals.
    • Ride your bike or take a walk in a slow, enjoyable way, taking in all around you. This is different than exercise, more a meditative activity.
    • Spend time doing something that brings you joy. Maybe it is cooking or maybe it is painting or writing or playing music or shooting some hoops. Do what brings you joy.

    “Playfully Yours” Couple Time

    photo by scott web

    We start out being playful and having fun in our relationships. And as time goes by, you may find this is less so. As one person said to me, “Life gets in the way.” Our lives do become more full with families and more demanding work, etc. So let’s look at ways we can keep the playful / fun in our couple relationships.

    1. Schedule Time for Fun. That may sound not too playful. But for some folks it is the only way “fun” happens. This can be a weekly date night or date day. It is a great start. This can evolve into more spontaneous playfulness
    2. Create the Atmosphere and Space for Spontaneous Playfulness. Inject a light heartened response, initiate playful behavior, be flirtatious, etc. Be a “playful person” whenever you can. All this contributes to a more light, positive feeling. Share more positive than negative to help allow for more playfulness to emerge.
    3. Recognize and Remember the Value of Keeping a Playful Connection. This is a basic core piece of a healthy, vibrant relationship. A playful connection is needed to keep our relationship alive and well. It is a component that we need to nurture and see as important.
    4. Couple Time is not Group Couple Time. Sometimes we will lump spending time with a group of friends as a couple activity. It is and it is not. True couple time is just the two of you focusing on each other and having fun and being playful together.
    5. Brainstorm What Playful Things You Want to Do Together. Update with each other what you feel you are missing or really want to do that would make you feel more connected and more happy. Then put them into action.

    Family Play Time

    photo by caroline hernandez

    Playing together as a family is so “up there” as to healthy family functioning. It helps to build strong, connected relationships. This in turn helps as we do the job of guiding and leading our children. Children respond more cooperatively and have a stronger attachment to parents when the relationship is a balance of playful connection and positive guidance.

    In our busy, full lives it can feel challenging to incorporate time for play. But we really need to do so. It may mean looking carefully at what our children and we as adults are involved in. We cannot do it all as much as we would all like to. Of course age of children and special circumstances will play into our decisions.

    Things to Consider in Planning Family Play Times

    1. Consider your children and their age, choosing something that is a developmental fit / age appropriate for them. This will increase their enjoyment as well as yours. In addition, this will set the stage for a successful family play time.
    2. Think about what your children enjoy, what their passions are and try to make sure these things are a part of the mix. This does not mean we cannot expose them to new things. Alternating what is done with family play time with the different interests within the family is a good thing – helping to give children the gift of being tolerant and ok with doing a variety of things.
    3. Create a balance of at home and out of the home play times. This is a great modeling of helping children know you can  create your own fun in your own home and know you do not have to have a lot of money to do so. Of course it is fun to do adventures out of the house. But again they do not have to be grand vacations. There is lots to do locally and within neighboring towns. And of course, special vacations are great as well.
    4. Parent / Child Dates for Individual One on One Time. It can be very connecting to have one on one Parent / Child Dates or Play Times if  you feel your children crave individual time. Of course this means making sure all your children have their turn to keep harmony within your family.

    I wish for you a deep rejuvenation and more happiness as you experience more play in your life. And I wish you well as you as create more playful times within your relationship.

    PROFESSIONAL DISCLOSURE: THIS BLOG IS OFFERED AS EDUCATIONAL INFORMATION AND IS NOT OFFERED AS PROFESSIONAL THERAPEUTIC SERVICES. THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO SERVE AS TREATMENT. FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP CONTACT YOUR LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. STROM INDIVIDUAL AND FAMILY THERAPY IS NOT LIABLE FOR ANY ACTION OR NON ACTION YOU TAKE IN REGARD TO THIS ARTICLE.

    Growing Happiness Through a Gratitude Journal That Lets the Good In

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    firewood pic AK July 2016 cropped IMG_7226 (2)

    Life has a way of throwing us a curve ball, at times adding challenges that seem to gray every thing around us.  Due to a recent illness within my family that ended with a surgery, I went to that gray place. I was thinking to myself, “Ok you are a therapist, what do you want to do here to feel better?”  I found Rick Hanson’s book: Hardwiring  Happiness peeking through my most recent stack of books by my reading chair.  I began re-reading parts of Rick’s book and found one of my favorite parts about taking in the good. I  like to call it “letting in the good”. I really like this concept of letting the good come in even when it feels dark and gray. Our brain does gravitate to the “dark side”. As Rick Hanson likes to say the negative experiences are like velcro and the positive experiences are like teflon.  The brain has a negativity bias that is built-in to keep us safe. Understanding this principle helps us to know we have to highlight and focus on the good to experience it more easily. I’m not saying we should not let our self feel sad, that is important as well. But we have to be vigilant not to go to the “dark side” and hide from the light that is always there for us.

    Out of the weeds and tangles of life great beauty can be found.

     

    A bit later I decided to do a bit of writing in my gratitude journal as this is always a mood lifter. As I began to write I thought why not do a more descriptive writing entry in my gratitude journal to “let more of the good come in”. First of all let me say a bit about  “letting in the good”. The following is a summary of the first three of the four steps of what Rick Hanson calls “taking in the good”. In this case it is in past tense as you are remembering and recalling.

    LETTING IN THE GOOD

    1. Acknowledge the Positive Experience -In the case of reflecting back, bring forth the positive experience to your mind.
    2. Enrich It – Keep this time in your mind, opening the memory so you can fully remember it and enjoy it in its fullness. Think of how it personally helped you.
    3. Absorb It – Let it sink into you becoming a part of you.

    You can use this process of “letting in the good” as you write in your gratitude journal. For some a gratitude journal may be more about listing what you are grateful for that has happened to you that day. In a Descriptive Gratitude Journal you would want to do the following:

    • Be detailed in your description of what you are grateful for or what positive experience you had that day.
    • Describe all the positive feelings you felt during this experience.
    • Relive this positive time in your mind. Let it stay with you, enjoying the feel of it again as long as you can. 

    I hope you will try this enhanced gratitude journal writing. The good feelings will have a better opportunity of becoming a part of you, living on. And of course the more you journal about your positive experiences the more that you will draw more positive experiences to you.

    Best wishes for happy days ahead!

     

    Happy Journals, Happy Families

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    journal picture IMG_7984 (2) november 2015

    I sometimes suggest a “Happy Journal” for a client who needs to do more focusing on the “happy stuff”. I at times will ask the entire family to partake in this simple, but very effective activity. I always like to remind folks that “what we focus on is what we get more of”. Thus, for those who want to have a happier family here is a tool to encourage your family to look for the happy in their lives.

    The Set Up for Beginning Your Happy Journal Family Adventure

    1. Have a family meeting where you set down and explain what you are going to do as a family. “Because we want to focus on the good or what makes us happy, we have decided we are all going to keep happy journals. What we focus on we get more of. So here is a way to put more focus on the happy.”
    2. Have family members choose from a variety of decorative spiral notebooks or journals as to what they like the most. I would suggest that you buy a few more than you need so that there will be some choice for everyone. Plus you can pick out ones that you know will be a hit with each of your family members. If you have young children or those who like to draw you may want to include some that are blank paged journals.
    3. Suggest that everyone write in their “happy journal” everyday. “We would like for everyone to write down something in their happy journal everyday. This way it gets to be a habit for us all to think more about the “happy stuff” that is going on in our lives.” You can suggest that everyone try to think of 3 things that made them feel happy that day. Or whatever number of things that you feel would work with your family. Or you could leave it open ended, with no set number.
    4. Each person can write or draw what made them happy that day. This is helpful for those who are not writing yet or for those who prefer to express themselves in this way.
    5. Maximize or let your happy experiences grow by sharing them with one another.  This could be done in a set way or a more spontaneous way.  Some possible more structured ways of sharing might be: sharing at the dinner table every night one happy thing that everyone is planning on writing in their happy journal or sharing at bedtime with each other. Sometimes tying an activity to a routine already in place can help. In a more spontaneous way, you might ask your child, “What have you found to put in your happy journal lately?”
    6. All family members participating makes this a very powerful activity. When children and teens see there moms or dads write down what is making them happy and sharing this, they will see that this is a family value or something that is important – to focus on the happy stuff or the good.

    I hope you will try this whether your family is just you as a couple or if you are a couple with a young child or if you are a single parent family or a blended one. It is all good, encouraging each other to see the happy things that are all around us!!!

    Finding More Happiness Through Your Future Self

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    sunshine with person looking up into sun

    Not really sure what it is you need to be happy or feel at peace. You might try to access your wisdom from your “future self”.  I recently had gotten away from doing my regular meditation. In doing so, I decided to try a new guided meditation. This one was through Hayhouse’s Meditation Mondays series. So I checked out  “Reclaim Your Energy Guided Meditation with Lissa Rankin – Monday Meditation. You can find this on  youtube.com This is where I came up with my own version of your “future self”. I have used a similar concept in the past. It was a nice reminder of how one might access more of their inner wisdom.

    Your Future Self – Tapping Into Your Inner Wisdom

    Your “future self” is how you see yourself in the future if things are going the way you would want them to go. You would be doing what you want and living the way you want to live, being with those that make you happy, etc. This is your brighter, how you want your life to be self. In Dr. Rankin’s meditation she uses your future self in 5 years. But you could choose another span of time if it makes more sense to you.

    1. Find a quite spot to sit by yourself and relax. Take some deep breaths and relax your body.
    2. First of all imagine your brighter, “future self”. See yourself in detail noting all the things that are going the way you want them to. Take some time. Let it soak in, how all of this feels. Consider what others might be saying to you. Check out your environment. Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? Revealing in what you so desire.
    3. See your NOW self going to meet your FUTURE SELF. Let them sit and talk a bit.
    4. Ask your “future self” anything that you would like to know. See what they have to say. Remember they are living in place that you see as a way you would want to live.  For example you might ask: “How can I find more time to care for myself? How did you do it?” OR “How do I heal my relationship with my teenage son?” OR “How can I feel less overwhelmed all the time?”
    5. Take in this WISDOM into your “now” self and let it find a special place within you to access when you are ready to use it.

    Good luck in your meeting with your “future self”.