Tag Archives: well being

5 Ways to Help You Get Through the Holidays if You Are Grieving

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The holidays can be stressful for all of us. If you have had a recent loss or even one that is significant and years ago, it is even more challenging. We are all unique in how we grieve and that is important to take into account as to looking at the strategies I have listed. Doing what is best for you and your children is what is a general guiding principle.

1. ASSESS WHAT YOU & YOUR CHILDREN NEED FOR THE UPCOMING HOLIDAYS

Some questions that may help you access what you need.

  • What does your gut say what you need for yourself and / or for your children?
  • What kind of triggers are coming up for you and / or your children as the holidays approach? Note: Your children can be a toddler or a young adult or a not so young adult. They are always our children and part of being a parent is to help them through hard times.
  • What do you feel would be too much for you and your children?
  • What do you feel would feel best for you? Being at home? Activities outside of home? With what kind of balance?
  • Who do you want to be with / who feels supportive and really gets what is going on for you?
  • Are there some things that you absolutely do not want to do during the holidays?
  • Is there a way or ways you want to honor the person you have lost throughout the holidays?

2. DEVELOP A CUSTOM PLAN THAT IS BEST FOR YOU WITH SETTING NEEDED BOUNDARIES

  • Plan early.
  • Be flexible. Have some plan B’s. Consider not forcing what it turns out you really do not want to do in regard to what you originally planned. Or just feels like it is too much. It is ok to shift to what is needed.
  • Try to be respectful of your children’s grieving style, especially if it is different than yours. And be respectful of your own as well.
  • Decide what folks you want to spend time with and set up these together times early on so they can get be set in the busy holiday season. Plan as many get togethers as you feel you and your children need or want.
  • Sometimes we have well meaning friends or family that want us to do something we are not ready to do or may never want to do. This is up to us. We know what is best for us. We can respectably set boundaries or do what makes the most sense for us.

3. REMEMBERING ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AND THERE IS NO NORMAL

  • As we grieve, we find that our feelings are like waves – up and down. It is ok to feel all of our feelings, the uncomfortable, distressing feelings and it is ok as well to have happy feelings too. Accepting our hard feelings is the first step in healing.
  • We will always have parts of the person we lost with us. And it is ok to miss them. And it is ok to continue a relationship with them, just in a different way. Incorporating what our individual beliefs are about after death can be helpful. This will vary for each person.

4. WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT DO YOU NEED &. PUTTING IT IN PLACE EARLY

  • Putting things in place early is important. This is particularly important with our support people. Everyone’s schedules get very busy during holiday months. And for most of us, we have an inner circle of people that really get us and help us through our toughest times. It is not a bad. thing to broaden our support network, just for this reason noted.
  • Of course, it may be a friend, a family member or a church or group we identify with that know what we are going through. This can help us to not feel so alone. Of course, some. people feel we are never truly alone, depending on your beliefs.

5. COPING STRATEGIES FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Having some ‘go to coping strategies’ for our grief is helpful. There is nothing wrong with expressing our feelings, but there may be times we choose to shift and reach for a better feeling. For some this is when we know we are going to be in a group and we want to keep it together or it may be we want to be in more calm and together way if we feel our children need this from us if they are going through a tough time. Or to be functional at our work place. For the purpose of this brief blog article, I will list general options you can explore. Keep note of what works for you.

  • Deep Breathing
  • Positive Affirmations or Positive Self Talk
  • Tapping
  • Havening
  • Journaling
  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Walking Outside or Any Kind of Movement
  • Eye Rest – Progressive Relaxation
  • Container for Upset or Passing on to Higher Power
  • Pleasant Distraction
  • Soft, Relaxing Music or Healing Music
  • Being Out in Nature
  • Having a Form of Communication with the Person Who Has Passed
  • Regular Time Being with a Trusted Support Person Who Gets You and Does Not Judge
  • Working with a Therapist on a Regular Basis
  • Taking Grief Breaks / Doing Something You Enjoy

Online Oklahoma Women’s Grief Group – Connection and Support for the Holidays

For those of you who live in OK, I am offering an Online Oklahoma’s Women’s Group – Connection & Support During the Holidays. This will be held November 4 – December 9 on Tuesday mornings, 9:00 -10:30 am, Oklahoma Central Time.

Click the link below at the bottom of this page to see more detailed information on this upcoming group. Registration is due by this Friday, October 31, as this group starts next Tuesday, 9:00 – 10:30 am ,November 4 – December 9.

Contact Tanna to register: 918-749-1550 or tanna@stromtherapy.com

I can also do custom groups and can see individuals or families for grief counselling – In Person or Online. You can find out more about my practice on my website: www.stromtherapy.com

Below is the link to the flyer for the “Online, OK Women’s Grief Group – Connection and Support for the Holidays” I am offering.

https://t.e2ma.net/webview/xuq03h/ede4eccf8619d1cddbd6b1e506419fc1

“What if . . . ?” Creating Hope and Positive Momentum to Feeling Better

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As a therapist, I am always looking for ways to introduce hope and open the door to feeling better. Sometimes we get stuck in feelings that do not feel good.

The Focus Being on the Positive “What If . . . ?” opposed to the Negative “What If . . . ?”

We all have probably at one time or another said with worry, “What if it doesn’t work out?” “What if the doctor’s report comes back bad?” Etc. These are normal. The “What If . . . ?” I am introducing is flipping the script on these negative “What If . . . ?” to positive “What If . . . ?” This can help open us to hope and a way to better feelings.

Our Feelings Are Our Guidance System

I am not discounting upset feelings. In fact, I embrace and accept and acknowledge all feelings. As I know that this is the first step in our journey to feeling better. As time goes on and we feel heard and validated, we can begin to work toward letting some hope and good feelings in.

Note: If we are talking about trauma or significant depression or mental health issues this may be a longer road and many times with the help of a licensed therapist or mental health provider.

Examples of Positive “What If . . .?”

“What if I feel better today?”

“What if something good happens today?”

“What if we get along better today?”

“What if I feel less sad today?”

“What if I eat at least one good thing for me today?”

“What if things work out for me?”

“What if I feel more peaceful today?”

Photo by Letu00edcia Alvares on Pexels.com

What do your positive “What If . . . ?” starter sentences look like? Start your day out with what makes sense for you at the time. For an extra boost, go back to your positive “What If . . . ?” if you feel your self going negative. You can acknowledge the upset and then go to your positive “What if . . ?” that can make you feel better. Best wishes in using this strategy to feel more hopeful, letting in better feelings.

Important Note: This blog is not therapy but a psycho-educational article. If you have a trauma background or significant depression or other mental health issues, a licensed therapist or mental health provider would be best to consult with.

Strom Individual & Family Therapy – Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S and Clinical Certified EFT Practitioner. Providing In Person and Online Services in Oklahoma. www.stromtherapy.com

Making Your Own Easter Baskets – Fun and Inclusive Activity for All Ages

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Making Easter Fun for All = Creating Playful, Connection

Easter is a time for family, friends and loved ones to gather and celebrate in their own special ways. Most of us will include an egg hunt or a few special activities to include in this special day. What we don’t always think about is doing something that all ages can take part in. Or can be done regardless of the weather outside.

This could take place of an egg hunt or in addition to. And there is more than one way this activity could be done.

  • Each Family or Person Brings Small Easter Gifts for the Other Participants to Exchange – And each person brings their own Easter basket or Easter sack or whatever container they choice for their “Easter Basket”. These can be arranged as in the pic above or however you so desire. Basically this is set up for each. person to come and select items they want to put in their basket and they can, in addition, add some ribbons to their basket or whatever offering you have to decorate their baskets. Having a tag they can attach and decorate with their name will help with “mixups”. PROS: I like this version as everyone is involved and sharing small gifts for everyone. And it helps the host as to not having to do all the gathering and paying for all the items.

OR

  • The Host Provides All of the Small Easter Gifts for Putting in the Easter Baskets or Easter Sacks, etc. Easter Containers Can Be Provided by the Host or the Participants. This can help to keep it simple and if the host likes doing this kind of thing.
  • The Host will probably want to provide grass for the baskets and ribbon and tags to decorate and id the baskets. Or the host can ask a few folks to help with this as their contribution to the project.

IDEAS FOR PLACES TO BUY SMALL GIFTS: Think Dollar Store, or Another Discount Store, Bulk Buying Stores.

POSSIBLE INEXPENSIVE ITEMS: mini note pads, hair ties, mini bag of paper clips, mini bag of batteries, mini candles, baby oranges or apples, baby boxes of raisins, pencils, stickers, mini bubbles, mini play doughs, etc. OR something you have a bunch of from a bulk buy.

GIFTS FROM THE HEART: A Homemade, Healthy or Sweet Treat, Easter Compliments for Each Person (could be put in an Easter egg – done specifically for each person), A Poem or Quote Or Inspirational Message, etc, I really like this option as it addresses what we really need – love, meaning, and connection.

OTHER THINGS TO CONSIDER: Including gifs for different interests, young and older. Maybe doing different colours of one item for a choice. Choosing things that are on the smaller side to fit in a basket or small sack.

SPECIAL NOTE ABOUT COOPERATIVE EGG HUNTS FOR ALL AGES: In my blog collection you should be able to find my ideas and personal experience with doing ‘”cooperative egg hunts” with individual eggs marked for each person. This is to move away from some children upset as they did not gather as many eggs as others. Plus, I always include adults in my cooperative hunts. Oh what fun to see folks help each other find their eggs.

To me the important thing is to create interactive, playful activities that your loved ones can all do together, creating connection and a sense of belonging – what a beautiful Easter gift you have created!

No one is you and that is your SUPER POWER!

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I went to a therapy training recently on the use of media in relationship to super heroes and villains, using innovative ways to help clients find their own unique Super Powers. I have written about Super Powers before. This is just a bit of an additional twist to my original post.

One of the exercises we were asked to do was to choose a super hero or villain that we identified with. I just went with my gut and choose “Super Woman”. The version I know is a woman who is strong and resilient and courageous as she overcomes adversity and grief. She is also a protector. For a variety of reasons, I could identify. The activity, of course, was for us to get in touch with our own unique strengths or those that are there within us that we want to bring to the forefront to aid us in our journey called life.

I found this “no one is you . . . ” poster above recently and had to purchase it, as it really resonated with me. The whole concept that it is our own unique self that is our Super Power is so self empowering. We each have our own unique combination of characteristics and personality and gifts. It is our own special blend of our Super Power.

I hope you too will look within and find your own unique mix that makes you who you are and what is always there for you to use in your daily life or in times of worry or upset.

Here is to all of us and the wonderful gifts we can draw on for ourselves and also as a gift to others and the world around us.

What character or super hero do you identify with?

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT HOLIDAYS ~creating a meaningful holiday ~

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Focusing on what we most want can help us to create the meaningful, joyful holiday we most desire. It is all about deciding what we most want. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself or your spouse / partner or your family to figure out what feels most meaningful to you. If you are living as a couple or have a family, you might consider doing a family meeting and considering the questions below. And then trying to incorporate what you all most want into your plans.

Note: If you are single or live alone, you can still go through this process to determine what you can create that gives you the most meaningful holiday.

  1. What would your best holiday LOOK LIKE to you or your family?
  2. What would you or your family FEEL LIKE if you were experiencing this meaningful holiday.
  3. What words or phrases DESCRIBE YOUR VISION of a meaningful holiday?

Here are some words / phrases you and your family can choose from as to what you might feel fits for your meaningful holiday. You can add your own words / phrases that describe what most fits for you.

Special Holiday Activities (what specific activities do you want to include)

Spending Time Together (how much time together and how)

Feeling Connected (what would it look like to be connected)

Having Fun (how would you know. you are having fun)

Special Foods (what foods would that be for you)

Religious / Spiritual Activities (what specific things do you want to do or not do in this category)

Special Traditions to Include or New Ones to Start (which ones do you want to see happen)

Down Time / Relaxing / At Home Time (how much would you want to feel balanced & feel good among so much going on during the holidays)

Consider Including the following as you plan this purpose driven holiday:

BE realistic, giving time to breathe and create space in between to really enjoy what you do choose to do.

BE flexible, allowing imperfections and interruption of plans.

BE who you are with doing what means the most to you, remembering you do not have to be perfect!

________________________________________________________________________________________

Special Note: This article is not intended as therapy. This is a psycho-educational article.

CONTACT INFORMATION :

Tanna K, Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S

Virtual Therapy for Oklahoma

Licensed Marital & Family Therapist

Licensed Professional Counselor / Supervisor

Registered Play Therapist / Supervisor

Certified Clinical EFT Practitioner (aka “tapping” for anyone in the USA)

tanna@stromtherapy.com

918- 749-1550

What is Your Superpower?

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“What is your Superpower?” Or maybe I should say “What are your Superpowers?” These are your beautiful strengths that can define you and make you strong and capable. Taking some time and remembering who you are with all your awesome strengths can help you create the life you desire.

So why focus on what your Superpowers or what your strengths are?

  1. They remind you of who you truly are – a person who is valuable and worthy.
  2. They help you to use your natural abilities to help you create the life you want.
  3. They can help you to access the answer or solution to your problem or worry.
  4. They can help you in times of distress or upset feelings.
  5. They enable you to access your talents to pursue your passions.
  6. They can be used to share what others may need – acts of kindness.

Be Happy. Use Your Superpowers. Be Uniquely You!

So how do I decide what my Superpowers are?

  • What do you feel you are good at?
  • What do others say you are good at?
  • What attributes are you proud of about yourself?
  • What makes you unique?

*** Write these Superpowers down and put them up somewhere so that you can remember that this is what makes you so special and one of a kind. You are meant to shine brightly. ***

Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S. Certified Clinical EFT Practitioner Online Therapy for Oklahoma http://www.stromtherapy.com tanna@stromtherapy.com 918-749-1555 http://www.facebook.com/stromtherapy

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    Special Note: This blog article is for educational purposes only and is not intended for therapy purposes. It is not medical or therapy advice.

    It’s the “Little Things” That Make Us Feel Better

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    Tanna K Strom, LMFT, LPC-S, RPT-S, CCPS, Clinical EFT Certified Practitioner Virtual Therapy for All of Oklahoma We all have times of feeling overwhelm or stress. Maybe anxious. We are all very human and need a way to feel better … Continue reading →

    Five Strategies to Create the Best Self Care for YOU

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    adult air beautiful beauty

    Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi

    What does “self care” mean and how do you create what is the best self care for you? It is a bit confusing and overwhelming at times, figuring out what might be the most helpful wellness plan for ourselves. I am going to give my thoughts in a nutshell as to how to find the best self care for you.

    First of all, what is self care?  I see self care as incorporating healthy ways to keep your mind, body, and soul strong, vibrant and healthy.  Well being is another word I sometimes use for self care.

    stones pebbles wellness balance

    Photo by Skitterphoto

    Five Strategies to Create the Best Self Care for YOU . . . 

    1. First on the list is to recognize what is best for you may not look like what is best for your spouse or for your best friend or whatever is currently in fashion. Choose what will make the most difference for you. We are all unique individuals with varying values and goals. Think about what you feel you are missing that would help you feel better.  What areas in your life do you feel do not contribute to your well being or serve you well?  Focus on these areas to make changes that will help you to feel strong and vibrant, full of well being.   Currently for my self I have been focusing on more meditation and prayer, plus more movement. And then, adding more fun in my life:)  You may be trying to get more sleep or eat in a more healthy way or hydrate your body more.  It might be decluttering a room. You will have your own individual needs.
    2. Consider the “season” of your life and what will fit in comfortably  and dove tail with what is going on in your life at this time.  Decide what is most important and in what way you can integrate it into your current chapter of life. Basically it is about taking it a step at a time and doing what you can do and feeling good about it.   Small changes can make big difference in feeling better.  Be compassionate with yourself as you go through this journey toward more well being and vibrant energy.
    3. Be holistic in your plan for self care.  Taking care of ourselves is more than creating an exercise plan. To look at your body, mind and soul is all important. It all works together for creating what will be the strongest and most vibrantly healthy you, as we now know there is a mind-body connection. Taking it one step at a time and starting with what you feel will be the most beneficial for you keeps it from being overwhelming. And then continuing to add in what will make you feel more strong, healthy and happy.
    4. Create a plan that is flexible and evolving.  Perfection is not the goal.  It is helpful to remember it is not a competition, but an unfolding of creating what is best for you and what you value and deem as most important.  Your body and state of mental welling being will tell you where you need to start or put the most focus on. Listen to your internal gut. Being willing to try new things can help. There are many roads to self care. You will find some of these new things fit and some will not. You can always re-align yourself to a better fit if need be.
    5. Design a plan that is balanced as to your own self care and that of maintaining a healthy family and relationship life and attending to your work and to what you consider your “purpose”.  This can be tricky as many of us live very full lives and it can feel like we do not have time for self care and relationship and work care as well. It is possible at times to merge your self care with relationship care if you are doing some of these things together. Maybe you are cooking healthy food together or it might be you are doing family walks in the evening together or other activities that promote good self care. Of course, sometimes the self care is about having some quiet time by yourself.  Everyone communicating about how to incorporate every ones needs is important and keeps misunderstandings from occurring with your loved ones.

    shallow focus photography of purple flowers

    Photo by Brandon Montrone

    Ending Thoughts

    Self care is about caring for you and choosing to do what is ultimately best for you as a whole person, interweaving this with all of the other aspects of your life. It is a journey and it will shift and change as you do. I have found personally to accept that my self care endeavors will not be perfect and that is ok. Getting back up and starting again when I get off track is just a part of this evolving plan that shifts and aliens with the rest of my life. I will at time have more focus on my family and work and other times more focus on my self care. Of course having self care be consistent is most helpful, but I know at times this will not happen due to special circumstances. Life is a continuing flow of choices and a need to focus on what you deem most important at the time. All of the pieces are like a tapestry and can be woven together to create the life you want.

    I wish you the best in your journey to better self care and creating your own beautiful tapestry.

    I welcome comments from you as to what has been helpful for you in your journey to better self care and wellness.

    Professional Disclosure: This blog is offered as educational information and is not offered as professional therapeutic services. This is not intended as treatment. For professional help contact your local mental health professional. Strom Individual and Family Therapy is not liable for any action or non action you take in regard to this article.

     

    Powerful Technique to Gain Insight – Write a Letter From Your Future “Wisdom” Self

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    sunlight in forrest john-westrock-638059-unsplash

    photo by John Westrock

    Sometimes we are just not sure what to do next. We have all been there. We think we know but for some reason it just does not feel completely clear.

    In working in session with a client recently, I used a technique that I had not used in a while. I had been to a recent workshop that had some variation of this technique, so it was brought back up to me in the forefront of my mind. This powerful technique is to Write a Letter From Your Future “WISDOM” Self. I am sorry to say I do not know who to give credit to for this powerful technique. I was so very pleased how this client put it all together as to how it was all going to work out and why.  I did the activity with my client and found myself very happy with what my “gut instincts” had to say to me as well.

    This technique could be used for a variety of situations in which you feel you need some guidance or insight. And in this case the guidance will be coming from your future “wisdom” self. Some may add a spiritual dimension to this activity if they are so inclined.

    Some times it may be helpful are:

    1. You are feeling not clear on a decision you need to make.

    2. You are discouraged and feeling a bit hopeless as to making progress on an issue.

    3. You are looking for a solution to a problem you are facing.

    4. You are feeling anxious about how something is going to work out.

     

    paper for writing in front of woman with flowers to the side rawpixel-com-256642-unsplash

    photo by Raw Pixel

    How to Write a Letter From Your Future “WISDOM” Self:

    • Gather supplies to write a letter or note to yourself.

    • ID what it is that you want insight on as to an outcome of something that is a worry or issue for you.

    • Project yourself into a place where you are in the future and you have the “wisdom” of being able to look ahead and see what might be the best direction for you to go or to show you how things will work out with your current path and plan.

    • Have your “Future Wisdom Self” write a letter to you.

    • Let this flow naturally and without too much analysing

    • Really look at what has been written.  Consider what you have come up with and let this wisdom sink in.

    • You can put this in an envelope and date it.

    • Go back and take a peek at your letter as you feel you need to connect with your “Future Wisdom Self”.

    You Got This sign sydney-rae-408416-unsplash (1)

    photo by Sydney Rae

    This very much helps us to know that our real power is right here, right now. It is has been with us the whole time. Be confident. You have got this! Here is to you tapping into your own very special power.

    PROFESSIONAL DISCLOSURE: THIS BLOG IS OFFERED AS EDUCATIONAL INFORMATION AND IS NOT OFFERED AS PROFESSIONAL THERAPEUTIC SERVICES. THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO SERVE AS TREATMENT. FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP CONTACT YOUR LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. STROM INDIVIDUAL AND FAMILY THERAPY IS NOT LIABLE FOR ANY ACTION OR NON ACTION YOU TAKE IN REGARD TO THIS ARTICLE.

     

    One Strategy to Recapture Your Calm & Focus on What You Do Want

    One Strategy to Recapture Your Calm & Focus on What You Do Want

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    We all have been there. Too much to do. Too much to manage. Too much overwhelm. Just simply too much! There are lots of things we can to do work on these issues. Sometimes due to circumstances we have to … Continue reading →