“Couples Who Play Together, Stay Together” . . . Creating New Ways to Connect

old-happy-couple-piggyback-rideAs we are in the heart of the growing season, I cannot help but think about our own growth as a couple. Sometimes I have couples in my office who feel they have no common interests or that they do not do anything together. There are lots of reasons for this of course. If a couple has children they may feel they do not  have time to do things as a couple or for that matter, as an individual. Or it may be that a couple has drifted away from doing things together as they did when they were dating or before they got married.

Regardless of the reasons, my feeling is that “Couples who Play Together, Stay Together.”  So lets look at some WAYS TO CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT THAT CAN CREATE SOME NEW GROWTH & CONNECTION.

  • Really being together is more that about being in the same place. It is about REALLY BEING THERE emotionally and connecting. 
  • If you are a parent, take time as a couple to be together by your selves. It is important. You can remember you are being a good model for your children in showing them how to keep a relationship strong.
  • Put the PLAY back in your relationship. Think back to when you were dating. My guess is you were more light-hearted and playful. I do know that our adult lives can be challenging and are full of responsibilities, but taking time to play and be with the one we love will keep us strong and healthy to be the responsible adults we need to be and fulfill our life purpose.
  • Create a new hobby or interest you both can pursue. It may be dancing, biking, taking cooking classes together, etc.
  • Revive an old passion you both had in the past. It could be bowling or antiquing together. Whatever you both enjoyed in the past and has gotten buried a bit.
  • Remember too there is more than one way to play together. It may be an activity or a hobby. But it may also be relaxing and bantering back and forth. It may be sexual intimacy. Or it may be “playful” dialogue with each other.

So much of this is about making the time for each other. And then committing to having some fun together. So go play and have a good time. And remember, “Couples Who Play Together, Stay Together.” ♥♥


How to Decide How to Spend Your Time Together

Everyone’s time is limited and we all want to make the most of our time together. As a family or as a couple we want to really have time to “be with” each other enjoying each other and the specific activities we choose to do together.


The dynamics on how to decide how to spend time together as a couple or as a family are more similar than you might think. Below are some things to consider as you try to decide what to do with the time you have to spend together either as a couple or as a family.

 1. Consider everyone’s interests and things they like to do. This may or may not be completely evident. If not, this could be a good family meeting discussion or a good couple discussion.

2. Consider how you decide what the family or the couple does together. Many families and couples find that taking turns can feel  fair and can help to eliminate some one from feeling like they never get to do what they enjoy or from feeling like they are being drug from one thing to another. This can also mean everyone has to build up some tolerance in being involved in an activity that is not their first choice. But participating in an activity that another family member feels passionate about can be very connecting and supportive. Remembering everyone will have “their time to choose” can help.

Choosing activities collaboratively in which you try to find something that everyone has some interest in can be a respectful way to honor each other’s time.

Communicating about “how to decide” can be a good activity in itself. You can decide what fits best for you and your partner or your family.

3. Consider the developmental level of children,  if this is a family activity. Is their attention span a match for the activity?  Is their activity level a match for the activity? Is it their best part of the day to participate in an activity outside of the home? Is the length of the activity right for the children?

 4. Consider if this is a couple’s activity, will we be able to communicate and spend one on one time with each other with this activity? Of course at times you may want to be involved in an activity that is a performance or activity that is not particularly interactive. Including time after to talk about and connect can be helpful in these kinds of activities.

 5. Consider the amount of time you have to do an activity together?  Choosing something that fits can make the time together more enjoyable. Feeling rushed can very much dampen your time together. On the other hand, planning a short activity is much better than not doing things together. Short bursts of time together can help you stay connected.

 6. Consider your energy level? Do you want something relaxing? Or do you want something stimulating? Or are you in the mood to learn something new? Do you want to stay close to home or venture out-of-town? Or would you just like to stay home and do something together as a couple or as a family? All things to think about.

Best wishes in choosing what is best for you and your partner or family!

mom daug 

Setting Time to Connect


One of the basics for creating a healthy relationship, whether it is a couple relationship or a parent / child relationship is to purposefully set time to connect and be with each other. This is so simple but so powerful.  Our “focus and attention” is like water to flowers that bloom and grow. Where we put our time and effort is what will grow and flourish. With our busy lives, for many this means scheduling this time in our calendars. It may also mean setting up regular date nights or family time that is considered priority and not changed unless there is a situation that must be attended too.  The rewards are many for these efforts.  Here is to taking time to create meaningful, healthy relationships! You and your family are worth it.