Using Your Upset Feelings to Feel Better

Posted on July 31, 2014 by Tanna Strom

You are upset. You are sad. You are mad. You are scared. The question is what do you do with your upset feelings? You can stuff them, you can wallow in them, you can grow them, you can ignore them, you can share them over and over without taking any real action and more. OR you can use your upset feelings to feel better. So how does that work?

How to Use Your Upset Feelings to FEEL BETTER . . .

First of all try to see your FEELINGS as your own INTERNAL GUIDANCE SYSTEM. Simply put, see your feelings as a “navigation tool”. They can put you in touch with how YOU are really doing and can be an accurate “measurement” of your well-being. Your feelings are a good friend!
Acknowledge your feelings. Avoid stuffing, ignoring or telling yourself that they don’t matter. Listen to your feelings & give them the RESPECT they deserve. You are respecting yourself when you respect your feelings. Example: “I am feeling really sad today. I don’t like that I had an argument with my husband this morning.”
Shift to neutral. Take some deep breaths and calm yourself. Bringing yourself to a place of “neutral” can help you then progress to the feelings you want. Example: “I am going to take some deep breaths. It’s all going to be ok.” Deep Breath. Deep Breath. Deep Breath. Continue to use positive self talk and deep breaths until you feel more neutral. Example: “I know we can work this out. ” Deep Breath. Deep Breath. Deep Breath.
After you have calmed, CHOOSE how you want to feel. It is a bit of a choosing to shift process. If we can shift or change gears early on with our feelings, after acknowledging them and calming ourselves, we have a better chance of going to the place of well-being we want to be in. So if you are sad and you want to be happy. Then you make a conscious choice to have happy feelings. We can choose how we want to feel. Example: “I am choosing to feel happy and go about my day. It feels good to be happy.”
Take ACTION if need be. Take care of yourself by following up with those feelings you had that were upsetting if need be. Example: ” I am going to talk with my husband about our argument and see how we can work this out. I know we can find a solution.”
Long term stuffed feelings may need more acknowledging and working through and more steps of action. Reoccurring feelings or patterns may need more processing and clearing. This will include finding ways to shift and change things that have been affecting you. Taking action is what is key here. Having a support person or a therapist would be helpful in this kind of situation.

So use those upset feelings to feel better. Listen to your feelings. They are telling you something is not right. They can advice you something needs corrected. And you have the power to do that. Choose what is best for you!

Utica Square Summer’s Fifth Night Free Concerts

Posted on July 24, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Looking for a FREE family or couple activity in Tulsa? Check out Utica Square’s Summer’s Fifth’s Night 2014 Summer Concert Schedule. This is on Thursday nights from 7-9 pm through August. And best of all, it is FREE. So many of the summer events end in July, so it is nice to find one that runs through August. I have listed the rest of the summer dates and who is performing through the end of August.

July 24 Usual Suspects Rock and Roll

July 31 Red Dirt Rangers Red Dirt Country

August 7 Traveler Rock

August 14 Jeff Shadley’s Mad Men of Swing Rat Pack Music

August 21 Jessica Hunt Band Blues/Soul

August 28 Grady Nichols Jazz

For more information go to: www.uticasquare.com/events/summers-fifth-night

So enjoy some music, dance a bit, maybe have a picnic or take in one of the restaurants in Utica Square. A fun family or couple event and FREE 🙂

Rebuilding Your Empty Nest

Posted on July 17, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Is it time to rebuild your nest? Are you an empty nester? You may be thinking am I an empty nester and does that really ever happen. Yes and no. You will always have a spot for your babies to come back and roost for a bit if they need to and you will still have your kiddos in your life. But as your children start to leave for college you are in the process of your nest emptying. AND this is the time where new possibilities begin to open and appear for you as a couple.

REBUILDING YOUR EMPTY NEST

Support One Another – This is a time to reflect and decide what you need as a couple at this point in time. Going through this process can feel painful for some folks and you may go through a bit of a grieving process. So you really have to be there for each other. You may each handle it in a different way.
Give Yourselves a Pat on the Back for Your Years of Active Parenting – This is not to say you will no longer be a parent. You will enter a different phase of parenting and there will be a transition as your children leave college, as they marry, as they have children, etc, etc. But do take time to congratulate yourself on all you did to raise your children. It is not always an easy job and recognizing and giving yourself credit for what you did is important.
Create New Goals for Yourself as a Couple and as an Individual – As your responsibilities for active parenting of children in the home has ended, you will find you have this lovely space to create new goals and to redefine possibly what you feel your purpose in life is. This is true for you as a couple and as an individual. This can help with your grieving process of transitioning from a certain stage of parenting.
Have Fun, Love life and Enjoy Your Freedom – You do not have a soccer game you have to attend. You do not have to take the kids to practice. You do not have to be in three places at once. You are free. You have more time to be with each other as a couple and more time to pursue individual interests. It is a wonderful time to re-connect and start dating and getting to know each other again. To travel a bit. Or to take up yoga. Or whatever it is you have held off on.
Remember You Will Always Be a Parent – It will just shift as to your role. So do not despair. It is never really over. But it does change. But that is ok, you are ready for a new adventure!

So grieve if you need to. Talk about your feelings with each other. But remember you have new wonderful opportunities ahead of you. So enjoy!

Choosing to Be Happy – 5 Ways to Shift into the Happiness Mode

Posted on July 10, 2014 by Tanna Strom

I found my self doing a “happy dance” this am. It just felt like a great day. I have found that we can choose to be happy. I used to think this was not true. But the more research I have done on happiness and the more life experiences I have had, I do now believe this to be true. In the therapy world we would talk about cognitive behavioral therapy. Basically what we think is what we get. So let’s talk about a few ways to make this shift into the Happiness Mode.

Decide you want to be happy. Our brain or mind tends to scan for things that are wrong or are a danger. It is a self-protection measure. And maybe necessary at some level, but we don’t want to spend all of our time in this place. So make a decision that being happy is what you want. Because we have to first want something to make it happen. For those of you who are goal directed, you could even say it could be your goal.
Choose to look at life as Half Full opposed to Half Empty. Many of you are familiar with this metaphor for life. Which way do you look at life in general? If it is in the Half Empty mode, well this may be something to consciously work on. We are talking “attitude” here. It may take a bit of focus to shift but you can do so.
Visualize, Visualize, Visualize what HAPPY would look like for you. The more you can see this, the more likely you will see this shift taking place. I find it most helpful to structure this into my day. One might consider visualizing before they get out of bed or maybe as they start their day. Ideally you would do this throughout the day for the biggest bang out of this wonderfully, powerful technique
REFRAME the NEGATIVE stuff. For example you find your favorite restaurant is closed unexpected, so you get to experience a new place. Or maybe your client cancels on you at the last-minute, so this may mean you get to spend a bit of extra time with your family. Or maybe, a project is taking much longer than you want it to, but you find that as it has taken longer it has given you time to really think thoughtfully and come up with ideas that you had not originally thought of.
Look for the GOOD. Search it out. It is there. Back to our brain scanning for the bad stuff. As you will find it, remind yourself there is good too. And then LOOK for it specifically. Maybe at your meal with your family at the end of the day you can each share something GOOD that happened that day. It can be an encouraging kind of thing, reminding each other that the GOOD is out there. We just have to look for it. Plus what a great way to help kids to shift into the Happiness Mode.

Here is to you doing your own “happy dance” today and every day.

Crystal Gardens Museum in Arkansas – A “Must Do” Trip for Couples or Families

Posted on July 3, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Looking for a trip as a couple or maybe as a family, then I hope you will consider Crystal Gardens Museum of American Art, nestled in the Ozarks in Bentonville Arkansas, just a little over two hours from Tulsa. I think is a “must do” trip if you enjoy art museums and walking trails. We were so delighted with this beautiful space created by world-renowned architect, Moshe Safdie. There are 8 pavilions linked by 2 large creek fed ponds. There are 6 galleries to explore, a lovely eating area looking over a wonder Ozark vista and several walking trails. In addition, a special children’s area is set up for children to participate in some hands on art activities. Then there is the world-class art with wonderful exhibits. My favorite was some of the George Washington paintings and then I loved seeing some of the Rosie the Riveter paintings. Some wonderful modern art too and lots of architecture displays.

This wonderful Arkansas treasure opened in 2011. It is the brainchild of Alice Walton, with Wal-Mart being the main funding source for this amazing museum. For more detailed information go to the museums website: crystalbridges.org We were surprised that museum admission was free. If you want to experience their most current exhibit there is a charge for that gallery. Check their website or face book page for admission fees for these special exhibits. Folks are encouraged to picnic in their gardens. Again check their website for a few exception spaces on picnicking. We also noticed some bike trails available. There was a nice variety of trails, some paved and short and others more rustic and longer. One of their popular trails is the Art Trail, which has sculptures to enjoy as you walk the trail.

This would be a wonderful romantic getaway or it could also be a fun family trip. I hope you will have an opportunity to visit this wonderful museum soon.

Random Acts of Kindness in Your Relationship = Loving Feelings & Connection

Posted on June 25, 2014 by Tanna Strom

There are expected acts of kindness in all relationships and then there are random acts of kindness in your relationship. The latter is when you choose to do something that is kind or supportive or loving that is not expected or part of the agreement that you have with one another, whether it be a spoken agreement or one that is unspoken. Random Acts of Kindness in your relationship equals Love in Action.

When you actively do something that is kind or supportive or nurturing that is not expected in your relationship, you are creating exquisite connections with your loved one. How can you not feel connected and loved when your partner is going above and beyond what is expected.

Even though these acts of kindness should be done ideally to show our love to our loved one, it may help to know there are big benefits for you also. Here are a few of them.

People who partake in giving acts of kindness are happier. It feels good to do something kind for others. It is important to note that the Act of Kindness should be something you want to do, not feel you are being forced to do or hate to do. They should be genuine, authentic acts of kindness with nothing expected in return.
Research shows that folks who do Random Acts of Kindness are less stressed and have stronger immune systems.
These acts improve your self-esteem, how you view your self.
And as to your relationship, it will create positive, loving feelings that will circulate throughout your relationship creating love and connection.
You may find these “Random Acts of Kindness” are contagious. You too may have a “Random Act of Kindness” passed on to you, with you being the recipient.

It is not always easy to send these “Random Acts of Kindness” out. We are busy, we are tired, we may feel we need a Random Act of Kindness to come our way. And there are times when it does not make sense to send these out. But when we can and it feels the right thing to do and we want to, it can create some very loving feelings. The love and connection and support it creates is the stuff a good relationship is build on.

For those of you who like concrete examples, here is one taken from my own personal life. My husband went to bed early as he was exhausted from traveling and had to be up early the next day to do more traveling. As my morning did not need to start quite as early and I was feeling good due to a less intense day, I decided to put my husband’s green smoothie together for him as I knew it would be hard for him to do in the am having to leave early. Plus the truth is I am a bit of a night owl. So instead of indulging in some reading, I made my husband a smoothie to help him out with his early departure. Thus my Random Act of Kindness.

Here are a few potential ones to consider. But you will have your own unique ones that are a perfect fit for your loved one.

Take over a chore that is normally one assigned to your spouse or partner that you know is going to be very difficult for them to do.
Do a text letting them know you are thinking of them and that you love them.
Leave a surprise on the seat of their car to surprise them – it could be a gift or a snack or love note, etc.
Encourage your exhausted spouse to go to bed, even though you really want to talk with them.
Bring home flowers or something you know will be a happy surprise for your sweetie.

I encourage you to try some Random Acts of Kindness out in your relationship. I think you will be glad you did. And if by chance you are the recipient of an Act of Random Kindness by your loved one, do reciprocate this act back to your dear loved one. And by all means tell them how you felt when this act of kindness of bestowed upon you. This will encourage you both to create a wonderful dance of random acts of kindness.

Gilcrease Museum an OK Treasure – Summer 2014 Activities

Posted on June 19, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Summer is an excellent time to go visit Gilcrease Museum. The 23 acres of themed gardens is lovely right now. And Gilcrease is in full swing with lots of planned summer activities for children, families and adults. Check out the Gilcrease calendar at gilcrease.utulsa.edu/calendar . You will find some FREE activities, such as The First Tuesday of the Month is free admission and there is a Free Funday Sunday on the 3rd Sunday of the Month. This fun day is set up for families. In addition you will find art camps for children and adult events as well. You will also find a dining facility that is open 11:00 – 3:00. There is a lovely view of the Osage Hills.

Gilcrease Museum has the world’s largest collection of American Art and History. The American West and Native America art is the focus for this museum that is visited by folks from around the world. Admission is $8. for adults, $5. for college students with id and 18 and under are FREE. Gilcrease is open 10-5, Tuesday – Sunday.

Gilcrease Museum

1400 North Gilcrease Museum Rd

(10 minutes from downtown Tulsa)

Tulsa, OK

918-596-2700

I spent part of Father’s Day at Gilcrease and was delighted with the two exhibits we focused on. I would suggest both of these to check out.

Chiricahua Apache Artist Allen Houser exhibit showcases his sculptures and drawings. I absolutely loved his exquisite sculptures. My particular favorites were the parent child sculptures which were powerful and absolutely beautiful. This exhibits ends on June 29. It would be well worth the time to go visit this exhibit.
Focus on Favorites – Masterworks for the Gilcrease Collection. If you have limited time this is a wonderful way to see all some of the most famous pieces of the Gilcrease Collection.

Check out their website for information on all of their exhibits and upcoming events. www.gilcrease.utulsa.edu

I hope you will consider to put Gilcrease in your summer plans. It is a wonderful way to spend time with your loved ones, connecting with wonderful works of art. This would make a great couple activity or family activity. So do take advantage of this Oklahoma treasure.

5 Ways YOUR Happiness Can Create a Better Relationship

Posted on June 12, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Can your happiness and personal growth lead to a better relationship? I say YES! It may feel these two things do not always mesh. But they can and do. So how can our happiness create a better relationship? Here are 5 ways your happiness and feelings of well-being can lead to a better relationship.

Being happy and filled with our own purpose sets a foundation for creating a happy relationship. If we are not happy and feel we are not in touch with own purpose for this life it is hard to create a deep intimate relationship with another. To be able to create a harmonious and synergistic relationship with another we first must feel good about ourself and what we are here to do. Then we can create a strong relationship.
Happiness is contagious. Your happiness and feeling of well-being will spread to those around you.
Coming from a place of happiness will allow for more good feelings about your loved ones. When you are happy you feel more empathy and love for those around you. Many of our wisdom leaders talk about how we must first love our selves to really love others.
You will have more to share with your partner. More stimulating conversations. Different interactions. This can create a space for growth and a new kind of connection.
Being happy and filled with your own purpose allows you to take some pressure off the relationship. Yes your relationship should make you feel happy and joyful, but it should not be your only source of feeling good.

Consider taking time as a couple to work on personal growth and development. It may mean reading an inspirational book together and having conversation as to how this impacted you and your views of personal growth or happiness. Or it could be attending church together or developing a spiritual practice together. Or it could mean finding things that brings happiness and joy to you both. Or it could be that you find something you both feel passionate about that you can share.

I had a personal experience this last week in which I took some time with my husband to attend a personal growth conference. It felt so wonderful to hear new ideas and talk about those ideas together. It was a challenging time to get away but we did it and we were glad we did.

So here is to learning more about self-care and how you fit in this wonderful world we live in. Weather you do this on your own or with your loved one, it is well worth your time and effort. Personal growth and happiness can help create the foundation for a rich and rewarding relationship.

Storytime in the Park – Tulsa’s Library Schedule for June 2014

Posted on June 5, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Being involved in the Storytime in the Park program put on by the Tulsa City County Library is a wonderful way to spend time with your child this summer.This is the Reading Roadshow with stories, songs and special programs for the community. This is free to the public. The schedule for June is listed below. For more information, contact www.TulsaLibrary.org.

THURSDAYS at 10:00 am

Quick Trip Plaza at River Parks

41st and Riverside

GUEST PERFORMANCES

June 5 Musician and Dance with Andres Salguero

June 12 Lucky Diaz & The Family Jam Band

June 19 American Indian Dances & Storytelling with Mike and Lisa Pathsetopah

June 26 Vaudeville Magic Show with Chris Capstone

Please note that a Mobile Library will be on site with approximately 1000 items for all ages.

Not sure on the weather, call 918-549-7323. If you live in another community, check out your Library’s programs for the summer.

The Library tends to create lots of fun programs for children in the summer. Many of these programs will involve you as the parent. So enjoy this fun, educational time with your child. Isn’t it great to be able to combine fun, relationship building and something educational. Yes indeed! So bring your blanket or lawn chair and join in the fun.

Using Summer Time Fun to Enhance Your Relationship with Your Child

Posted on May 30, 2014 by Tanna Strom

Want to have fun this summer with your child or children and build a stronger relationship? Summer offers so many opportunities for relationship building. Children typically do not have as many commitments. The hard part is that parents sometimes have the same work schedules and commitments. But do not despair. The longer sunlit days help us with less after school practices and homework, etc.

Here are some things to consider when finding ways to really “be with” your child and strengthen your relationship during these delightful summer time months.

Use this wonderful time to expand your activities to include things that are considered summer activities. Make a commitment to do this. You will find that enjoying the extra sunlight and time outside is good for you to on a personal level too. Out there collecting all that Vitamin D (the happy vitamin) and enjoying the wonderful outdoors is a nice backdrop.
Create a structured time when you plan to take advantage of this beautiful gift of summer. This may mean you do a daily game of catch in the backyard or a every Tuesday night we go to the park night, etc. If it is scheduled or a regular commitment you have made it is so much more likely to happen.
Really talk with your child or children about what they enjoy doing in the summer time and incorporate as much of that as possible. Sometimes we think we know what our children want to do, but sometimes this changes and shifts as they age or grow new interests, etc. So ask. They will be so happy that you did. It also shows a deep respect for them as young people with their own unique preferences. And it shows you care and that you value their desires. This is not to say that if what they want to do does not fit with your value system that you need to do it. But it may be that you can find some similar things that would work for the both of you.
Really “BE THERE” during these special times together. It means putting all our electronic devices in the OFF position and really focusing on this special time you have been given to spend with your child. It also means that you ask your children if they are older and have electronic devices that they put their’s in the OFF position also. There may be a bit of grumbling. But when you tell them this is a special time and you really want to spend it with them they can get that and if not they will at some point.
Enjoy, listen, interact. Have fun! It is not so much what you have chosen to do, but more about your attentive interaction.

So have a great summer with lots of time to play and be with each other. You will be glad you did!

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