Taking Time to “BE WITH Your Loved Ones” During the Holidays

Posted on December 20, 2013 by Tanna Strom

Taking time to “BE WITH” your loved ones is not about adding in another activity or going another place. Even though it can be connecting to go someplace you all want to go and enjoy the experience together. To “BE WITH” is more about an internal state of being.

To “BE WITH’ will specifically involve the following:

S L O W I N G down to set up the needed foundation for being with someone. This can be a real challenge for all of us, especially in the busy holiday season. But it is possible and doable. It may mean we have to make choices about what we do with our time. And choosing not to do certain things or changing how we do them.
Finding times that are good for others to have this slowed down real interaction time is important too. Basically staying attuned to your loved ones and trying to sync up with each other. It may be you have to schedule this “BE WITH” time in your calendar. Of course this happening on a spontaneous basis also is important for any relationship.
To “BE WITH” someone is about really being in that time and space with them fully – focusing only on them , listening will full attention and responding in a way that they know that they have really been heard. This kind of full focus feels so wonderfully connecting .
Listen carefully to your loved one and reflect what you think they said. This acknowledging of their feeling is integral part of someone really feeling heard. It can be helpful to avoid rushing in with your advice or opinion.
Being with children will include actively playing with them. For young children this is how they express themselves and how they connect with others.

Enjoy this wonderful gift you are giving to each other. Because it is a gift – one of giving your true self to each other. Relish this slowed down, moment to moment time with each other. Happy Holidays!

Christmas Compliments to Your Loved Ones – The BEST Gift Ever

Posted on December 16, 2013 by Tanna Strom

“Christmas Compliments” are something I have used in the past and when I do I find them to be the BEST gift ever! Why is that? Well, it can be very rewarding when you trade “Christmas Compliments” with your family members. Letting each other know what you like about each other can go a long way to building and strengthening relationships. Family life can feel stressful and hard at times, especially as a parent when you are setting limits and children are not always so happy with these necessary boundaries. Or maybe as a couple you are feeling like you are way to negative with each other.

So I hope you will consider this holiday season a time to balance what you are putting out there with words of acknowledgement of what you like about your loved ones. There is more than one way to give each other Christmas Compliments. Some possible ways you might consider are:

Have each family member write out (or dictate to a parent to write) a compliment for all the other members of the family. They can be deposited in the Christmas stockings and read when stockings are opened on Christmas morning or at the appropriate time. If your children still thinks Santa brings their gifts and fills their stockings you may want to choose another option. For example: Each family member could have a special Christmas tin where their compliments are left. This option would allow them to have a fun place to keep their compliments too. Having each person put their name with their compliments makes them more meaningful.
Family members can wrap up the compliments like a gift for each other or use envelopes to put their compliments in for each other.
Have each family member verbally give each of the other members a compliment at one of your holiday meals.
One variation is using the 12 days of Christmas theme and for twelve days before Christmas each person gives other members a compliment. The Christmas tin or a Christmas cup may work well with this variation. Of you could have a nightly dinner ritual where you verbally share your compliments.
Use your imagination and personal knowledge of your family in finding ways to modify and use this potential strategy to appreciate each other more.

It may be necessary to explain what you mean by a compliment. Older children will of course pretty much know what you are talking about, but younger ones may not be so sure. You will have your own words. Some possible things you might include are: A compliment is something you say to another person that makes them feel good. It can be something that you liked that they did or something you admired that they did. It is positive and not negative. It is something the other person will like hearing.

Note: This can also be done as a couple. It can be just as fun and uplifting.

Connecting While Giving to Others – A Holiday Service Project for Your Family

Posted on December 5, 2013 by Tanna Strom

Looking for ways to connect with your family during the holidays? Consider doing a family or couple project in which you are helping others who are in need. Not only can it be a way to connect on a deeper level with your loved ones, but it can be a wonderful way of instilling the value of helping others to your children. And of course helping someone need!

Here are some things to consider with a Family or Couple Service Project:

Who do we want to help? This is a great time to do some braining storming as a couple or as a family. It can be a time when you each can share what you feel is worthwhile to give to, what you each feel passionate about. And then practicing cooperatively coming to a conclusion about what service project you do. You may even choose to do more than one project.
Are you going to volunteer time, give money or gifts? There are lots of options in all of these categories. Listed below are a few general ideas.

Gently used items – toys, household goods, etc can be donated to a non profit agency.
Collecting food as a family for a non profit group or shopping for food together to give to a non profit group that serves those who need help with food.
Participating in an Angel Tree that is in your community.
Bake cookies or holiday treats for the Homeless Shelter or a Nursing Home or whatever group you feel would like this kind of thing.
Have a party and have participants bring a particular item for your project. For example: All who come to the party bring mittens or hats for a Christmas tree that you decorate at the party for those in need. Or you could have folks bring canned goods to set under a tree. Then later you take it to an agency that you know can use it.
Donate some time at a non profit agency. Call non profit groups and see what kinds of things they need help with.

3. Treat your family to a special treat or fun time after your service project and talk about all you have been blessed with.

Note: This is an activity that will work for couples also. No children required!

THANKS”GIVING” – Expressing Thankfulness and Kindness as a Family Holiday Activity

Posted on November 27, 2013 by Tanna Strom

THANKS”GIVING” is a time to be thankful for all we have. It is a wonderful time for all of us to reflect on all we have to be thankful for and to share that with one another. It is the beginning of the holiday season and a time to decide what we will do with the holidays ahead.

I was listening to a broadcast on Hayhouse Radio today in which the speaker was talking about the concept of THANKS”GIVING” being an opportunity to not only be thankful for the good in our life, but a time to give back to others sharing something they can be thankful for. I like this idea! This incorporates two powerful ideas that can make us truly happy – being thankful and giving / acts of kindness to others.

So I hope you will consider using this idea as a springboard for letting your family members know why you are thankful for them and then consciously give back to your loved ones – passing on an act of kindness to them. I am including two potential concrete activities to consider in connection with this general concept.

I challenge you to choose to do this each day during the upcoming holidays. Think of something you are thankful for each day with one of your family members or loved ones and tell them what it is. And follow-up the same day with forwarding on an act of kindness to them.
Of course this can be done outside of your family too. You could on purpose do this as a family project in which each of your reports at the evening meal or whenever you see each other all together who you thanked or gave some appreciation to AND then what act of kindness you did for someone that day. This could be a weekly check-in if daily is too much or not possible. This would be a time to reflect on what each of you have been thankful for and also what acts of kindness each of you have consciously chosen to do.

Here is to the wonderful holidays ahead and the many opportunities they give us to contemplate our blessings and give back to others!

“What We Are Thankful For . . . ” Activities for Families and Couples

Posted on November 19, 2013 by Tanna Strom

Focusing on what we are thankful for is always uplifting and helpful on keeping us on the right track. When our lives are filled with appreciation and thankfulness we feel joyful and happy. So . . . what better time to begin this kind of daily practice but at Thanksgiving time!

One activity that I feel is a great Thanksgiving meal activity is when the family or participants each tells something that they are feeling thankful for. This can be done with a variety of “starter statements”. Pick what you feel best fits your family or gathering of people.

“Let’s each go around the table and tell what we are most thankful for that has taken place this last year.”

“Let’s each go around the table and tell of something we are feeling thankful for.”

“Let’s each go around the table and tell of some things that have happened recently that we are feeling thankful for.”

“Let’s go around the table and each tell of something that we feel thankful for in regard to our family. ”

You can combine some of these above statements or make up your own ‘starter statement’. You will probably know what might work best for your family or gathering.
I would also suggest that you be the one to start the process to get it going. You can even set up another member of two ahead of time who would be willing to share to get things going.
You can also set it up with your starter statement suggesting that those who would like to share something they are thankful for can do so. Basically giving an “out” for those who are not comfortable doing this activity. If nothing else it gets those folks thinking about being thankful and models for them an attitude of ‘thankfulness’. I have done some activities in the past that are similar in nature as to taking turns sharing, going around a room or table and have found some folks are just not very comfortable doing this kind of sharing. Forcing sharing is probably not the most helpful. This kind of statement might look like the following:

“As it is Thanksgiving, I thought it might be fitting to let anyone who wants to share about what they are feeling most thankful about to share with the group as we are eating our Thanksgiving meal.”

You can alter this statement to focus on whatever you feel is most fitting for your family or gathering.

Here are three more concrete, fun ways to express feelings of thankfulness during Thanksgiving.

Create a paper turkey and cut out some paper feathers for folks to share their feelings of thanks by putting them on the feathers and then attaching them to the turkey. Folks can write what they are thankful for and then sign at the bottom of the statement written. OR create a turkey with a base in which everyone can stick feathers that are attached to toothpicks into it. Folks can use the feathers to fill in things they are thankful for. Another possibility would be each person creating their own turkey and placing their own collection of feathers in it. The base for these kinds of projects can be an apple or pear or pinecone or anything that makes you think of a base for a turkey. Or you could have a turkey making table with a variety of food pieces or craft materials to create a turkey, along with feathers to create the thankful thoughts. I can see a fun creative activity for kids and adults alike.

Use butcher paper or some kind of roll paper to cover your Thanksgiving tables and have crayons available for children and adults to draw pictures or write on your paper cloth what they are feeling thankful for. Another option might be each person making a Thanksgiving placemat with their thankful thoughts or pictures on it.
Have a tent name tag at each place setting at your Thanksgiving table and have each person write their name on one side and what they are thankful for on the other side. They can add their own decorative work to their name tag. This could be done before the meal or during.

NOTES:

1.These activities can be done as a couple too. Sometimes we feel these kinds of activities have to be done in a larger group. They actually can be done very well in a small group or couple format just as well. In fact, you may find more personal feelings of thankfulness coming out of these smaller groups.

2. The verbal sharing of what we are thankful for can be done as an ongoing activity at your mealtimes or other group activities, such as weekly family meetings, etc. You could choose one night a week, for example each Wednesday night or every Sunday night or whatever meal you all share together on a regular basis will work. This can be so much more than just a Thanksgiving activity, but a ritual of being thankful for what we are blessed with. Hope you have an opportunity to verbalize your feelings of appreciation and gratitude on a regular basis with your family. It has a way of creating more good things in our lives. So here is to remembering our blessings!

Connecting Through Co-Creating Your Family Picnic

Posted on November 12, 2013 by Tanna Strom

Picnics are not just for summer! The fall leaves and weather is so mild here still in OK. Consider a picnic in which you co-create it with your family. Instead of Mom (or in some cases Dad) making up and preparing the picnic basket or back packs, consider the family doing this together. I had a recent experience in which I was preparing everything and one of my family members said, why don’t you let everybody just make their own picnic lunch. I was thinking, “I like that idea!” I could have just put everything out on the table and said have at it. Instead, I decided to make some food stations to make it a bit more fun and make it easier to find everything. I created the following stations:

Sandwich Making Station

Fruit Station

Cut Up Your Own Veggie Station

Trail Mix Station

Drink Station

I had a variety of things to choose from at each station. I think this is the part that makes it fun, having some choices. Everyone in the kitchen together, cutting and chopping veggies and folks making their own brand of trail mix, etc. has a very connecting feeling to it. Of course you can adapt this food making adventure to the age of your children. It is a great opportunity to be together and interact, while creating your own unique and personalized picnic lunch. So much better than one person doing it. And a nice message to all the family members that everyone can contribute and have fun!

I would suggest you have a sack for each member to put their “creations” in. This can prevent confusion over whose food is whose.

The cool thing about picnics is they can be a part of many different settings: on nature trail walks, at the park, at the zoo, in your back yard OR even in the middle of your living room floor on a blanket!

Remember you can do a picnic any time of the year. Of course, I suppose fall, spring and summer have the most appeal. Even a mild winter’s day might be fun. So enjoy your co-created picnic lunch wherever you live and no matter what season it is!

Enjoy Oxley Nature Center with Your Family or Your Honey

Posted on November 8, 2013 by Tanna Strom

Oxley Nature Center’s 9 miles of trails would be so very fun with all the fall color right now. But it has it’s beauty with all of the different seasons. The trials are available 7 days a week. Please check their website for specific information about hours. www.oxleynaturecenter.org You will also find the maps on their website. Oxley Nature Center is part of Mohawk Park near the Tulsa zoo. The website has directions. You might also check out their Facebook page.

This could be a great activity for you as a family or you as a couple. You can do the trails on your own or you can take advantage of the Saturday programs that are offered. When you go into the website, click the program tab for information on the variety of programs offered by Oxley Nature Center. Some of the Programs offered are:

Saturday Morning Bird Walks

Family Adventures

Butterfly Walks

Earth Science Walks

Botany Walks

Full Moon Walk Programs

Night Walks

Weekend Tours (for groups of 6 or more)

There is a Nature Store that is part of the Oxley-Yetter Interpretive Building. Check it out.

A nature walk is a perfect opportunity for a couple or a family to connect with each other. Choosing to have everyone not use their phones during the walk, will even enhance the opportunity to connect and interact with each other. We have found these trails to be easy to walk, but very interesting with lots to see. This includes abundant birds and wildlife. Best wishes for a beautiful day out in nature with your family.

Renewal of Wedding Vows – An Ongoing Re-Commitment

Posted on November 2, 2013 by Tanna Strom

How important are marriage vows? I went to a wedding this last weekend and couldn’t help but to begin to think about them. Wouldn’t it be great if we did a yearly redo of our vows. There are many folks who at some point do a renewal of wedding vows. I know my husband and I did. But really don’t we all have to make continuing re-commitments to each other. Going through the thick and thin can be tough at times. And making our wishes and intent for our ongoing relationship expressed verbally can be very powerful. It not only shows commitment, but it creates a vision that we will consciously and unconsciously worked on.

When I heard this young couple expressing their love and vows to one another it brought back my own vows and feelings of commitment to my own relationship. I think this happens for many folks. And I think every time we attend a wedding it is a gentle reminder of our own vows to our spouse. So by all means accept those wedding invites and recall your own vows and what they mean for you as a couple.

So if it has been a while since you took your vows, you might even consider doing a renewal of your vows. It does not have to be exact vows you did initially. In fact, we grow and change and your vows may look very different the second time around. I actually think that second set of vows may be more powerful as you know what it means to be in a marital relationship.

You might even consider a yearly redo. Doing them on your anniversary would add an extra punch to them. A wonderful reminder of what you want and hope for in your relationship. I always tell my clients “What you think, is what you get!” Basically, meaning if you share with your spouse your specific intentions and wishes for your relationship you are more likely to get it.

Renewing of vows can be done with just the two of you or can be done with the witnessing of your friends and family. Both ways will work. The witnessing adds a special covenant that makes it public how strongly you feel. Regardless your words (and of course the followup action) is what counts. Remember you are the creator of your relationship and what you want it to look like! Best wishes on your vows of love and commitment!

HallowZOOeeN – Tulsa Family Event October 27-31, 2013

Posted on October 25, 2013 by Tanna Strom

Looking for a fun Halloween family activity, check out the Tulsa Zoo’s HallowZOOeeN. One of the great things is that there are several nights available to take in this fun activity.

Goblin Stops:

Pirate Island with Ship and Crew

Pumpkin Patch Playroom

Royal Castle with Archery, Crafts and Princessess

Haunted Train Ride

Cross Eyed Carousel

Haunted House

Candy Stops Along the Way

Ticket Prices:

Non-Members: $8

Members: $7

Haunted Train: $4

Cross-Eyed Carousel: $1

Then of course you get to the animals too. So what is not to like about this family activity.

THINGS TO CONSIDER:

Take it at your own pace and take your lead from your kiddo’s. It’s about enjoying the moments and being together as a family having fun. If you feel you are going to run out of time, one option is to give your child or children a choice of which they want to do for their ending activity. Another thought is to look at what is available and start with the things that your children are most interested in.
Even though this appears to be a pretty tame event, watching your little ones for signs of being scared and helping them cope is a good idea. What seems so very mild to us as grownups can feel so very scary to a little one or sometimes a not so little one.
Staying together as a family makes this a family activity and also keeps it safer. Some families may choose to split up mom and dad with children that have a large age difference. You could even do a balance of some all together and some split up to accommodate the different ages.

SPECIAL NOTE: If you live outside of Tulsa, check your own local zoo and my bet is they have some kind of Halloween or Fall event planned.

Ways to Create Family Fun and Connection in Your Celebration of Halloween

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Tanna Strom

As Halloween approaches, you have an opportunity to mindfully choose how your family will celebrate Halloween. Here are some things to get you thinking as to how you might create time to connect and have fun together as a family. This may look different for each family.

Considerations for Creating Family Fun and Connection:

As parents you can explore what some of the options are in the community as to events and activities being sponsored. Find ones that match with the age of your children and dovetail with your specific values. There seem to be a very wide range of some events that are very young child friendly with a “no scare” environment all the way to very adult, at times violent scary events. As parents offering ones that you feel fit your children’s ages and personalities make good common sense of course.
As you consider things to do, remember some of the best fun is “homemade fun”. This can be to everything from carving or decorating pumpkins to making Halloween treats together as a family to decorating the house or yard together for the holiday to hosting a back yard carnival style party for some other families.
Consider a family meeting where you present some ideas for some family fun activities that would be possibilities during the Halloween time frame. These go on of course throughout October with Halloween being the crescendo. Only presenting activities that you are ok with makes this a win – win situation. Ideally being able to let each member choose one thing they really want to do for Halloween would show respect for everyone’s ideas and wishes.
Balancing family fun and letting children attend their own events happen for many families. But without careful planning, especially as children get older there can be very little time for family activities. Finding a way to keep adolescents involved with your family activities can be even more challenging, but it is possible. Allowing for children and teens to have their time with friends is a natural progression of growing up, but having some family time is ok and if done in a fun way and with their involvement in the planning can work and be a way to keep your family connections alive and healthy.
Enjoy your time together really “being there”. This would mean putting on hold phone calls, texting, etc during your activity. Including all family members in this tech free day would mean so much more one on one communication and real face time with each other. Yes you will probably have some groaning and complaining over this limit, but that’s ok. Let everyone know why – that you really want to spend time with them so to do that everyone is going to go native for a bit and just talk and focus on one thing at a time. It is worth it. Everyone likes to have this real-time and focus.

Good luck in creating your own family fun. So many times some of these activities turn into family rituals and traditions. And oh what fun memories they create!

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