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5 Ways YOUR Happiness Can Create a Better Relationship

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mindful peaceful woman in sunshine

Can your happiness and personal growth lead to a better relationship? I say YES! It may feel these two things do not always mesh. But they can and do. So how can our happiness create a better relationship? Here are 5 ways your happiness and feelings of well-being can lead to a better relationship.

  1. Being happy and filled with our own purpose sets a foundation for creating a happy relationship. If we are not happy and feel we are not in touch with own purpose for this life it is hard to create a deep intimate relationship with another. To be able to create a harmonious and synergistic relationship with another we first must feel good about ourself and what we are here to do. Then we can create a strong relationship.
  2. Happiness is contagious. Your happiness and feeling of well-being will spread to those around you.
  3. Coming from a place of happiness will allow for more good feelings about your loved ones.  When you are happy you feel more empathy and love for those around you. Many of our wisdom leaders talk about how we must first love our selves to really love others.
  4. You will have more to share with your partner. More stimulating conversations. Different interactions. This can create a space for growth and a new kind of connection.
  5. Being happy and filled with your own purpose allows you to take some pressure off the relationship. Yes your relationship should make you feel happy and joyful, but it should not be your only source of feeling good.

Consider taking time as a couple to work on personal growth and development. It may mean reading an inspirational book together and having conversation as to how this impacted you and your views of personal growth or happiness. Or it could be attending church together or developing a spiritual practice together. Or it could mean finding things that brings happiness and joy to you both. Or it could be that you find something you both feel passionate about that you can share.

change yourself change the world

I had a personal experience this last week in which I took some time with my husband to attend a personal growth conference. It felt so wonderful to hear new ideas and talk about those ideas together. It was a challenging time to get away but we did it and we were glad we did.

So here is to learning more about self-care and how you fit in this wonderful world we live in. Weather you do this on your own or with your loved one,  it is well worth your time and effort. Personal growth and happiness can help create the foundation for a rich and rewarding relationship.

 

 

 

Storytime in the Park – Tulsa’s Library Schedule for June 2014

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Storytime in the Park

Being involved in the Storytime in the Park program put on by the Tulsa City County Library is a wonderful way to spend time with your child this summer.This is the Reading Roadshow with stories, songs and special programs for the community. This is free to the public. The schedule for June is listed below. For more information, contact www.TulsaLibrary.org.

THURSDAYS at 10:00 am

Quick Trip Plaza at River Parks

41st and Riverside

 

GUEST PERFORMANCES

June 5     Musician and Dance with Andres Salguero

June 12     Lucky Diaz & The Family Jam Band

June 19     American Indian Dances & Storytelling with Mike and Lisa Pathsetopah

June 26     Vaudeville Magic Show with Chris Capstone

Please note that a Mobile Library will be on site with approximately 1000 items for all ages. 

 

Not sure on the weather, call 918-549-7323. If you live in another community, check out your Library’s programs for the summer.

The Library tends to create lots of fun programs for children in the summer. Many of these programs will involve you as the parent. So enjoy this fun, educational time with your child. Isn’t it great to be able to combine fun, relationship building and something educational. Yes indeed! So bring your blanket or lawn chair and join in the fun.

Using Summer Time Fun to Enhance Your Relationship with Your Child

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 Want to have fun this summer with your child or children and build a stronger relationship? Summer offers so many opportunities for relationship building. Children typically do not have as many commitments. The hard part is that parents sometimes have the same work schedules and commitments. But do not despair. The longer sunlit days help us with less after school practices and homework, etc.

Here are some things to consider when finding ways to really “be with” your child and strengthen your relationship during these delightful summer time months.

  •  Use this wonderful time to expand your activities to include things that are considered summer activities. Make a commitment to do this. You will find that enjoying the extra sunlight and time outside is good for you to on a personal level too. Out there collecting all that Vitamin D (the happy vitamin) and enjoying the wonderful outdoors is a nice backdrop.
  • Create a structured time when you plan to take advantage of this beautiful gift of summer. This may mean you do a daily game of catch in the backyard or a every Tuesday night we go to the park night, etc. If it is scheduled or a regular commitment you have made it is so much more likely to happen.
  • Really talk with your child or children about what they enjoy doing in the summer time and incorporate as much of that as possible. Sometimes we think we know what our children want to do, but sometimes this changes and shifts as they age or grow new interests, etc. So ask. They will be so happy that you did. It also shows a deep respect for them as young people with their own unique preferences. And it shows you care and that you value their desires. This is not to say that if what they want to do does not fit with your value system that you need to do it. But it may be that you can find some similar things that would work for the both of you.
  • Really “BE THERE” during these special times together. It means putting all our electronic devices in the OFF position and really focusing on this special time you have been given to spend with your child. It also means that you ask your children if they are older and have electronic devices that they put their’s in the OFF position also. There may be a bit of grumbling. But when you tell them this is a special time and you really want to spend it with them they can get that and if not they will at some point.
  • Enjoy, listen, interact. Have fun! It is not so much what you have chosen to do, but more about your attentive interaction.

So have a great summer with lots of time to play and be with each other. You will be glad you did!

 

Free Summer 2014 Movies for Tulsa Families and Couples

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Want to take in some fun free movies for your family or for you and your honey. Then check out what Tulsa has in store for this summer. Sometimes a movie fits the bill for a fun outing. These can be used as conversations starters to talk about deeper issues or values with your partner or children, etc. So there is a way to make them a bit more substantial as to meaning if you wish. And then there are times for just a fun evening out and not really thinking about any thing but a good laugh and spending time together. So here goes as to what I found for this summer.

 

riverwalk movies free summer kids film festival 2014

Riverwalk Movies is located at 600 RiverWalk, Terrace, Jenks, OK . And of course in the summer this a nice place to take your children for a walk before or after on the riverbank.  www.selectcinemas.com

Dickinson Theatres – Starworld 20 – Tulsa OK has a Free Summer Vacation Movie Series. You can go to www.dtmovies.com for more information. The following is what they currently have listed for this summer’s free movies . These movies play Tuesday – Thursday from 10:00 am & 12:30 pm.

June 10-12     The Nut Job

June 17 – 19     Despicable Me 2

June 24-26     How to Tame Your Dragon

July 1-3     The Smurfs 2

July 8-10     Escape From Planet Earth

July 15- 17     The Lego Movie

July 22- 24     The Second Jungle Book

July 29-31     Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2

If you are interested in some free outdoor movies you may want to consider Guthrie Green in down town Tulsa. The park is located at 111 East MB Brady Street.  Go to www.guthriegreen.com for more information.

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The movies include a spectrum of movie ratings, from child friendly to adult movies. All movies begin at 8:30 pm.  The movies they are listing are as follows.

May 29     Freedom’s School 2013 (PG)

June 5     Breaking Away 1979 (PG)

June 12     American Graffiti 1973 (PG)

June 19     Pan’s Labyrinth 2006 (R)

June 26      Jurassic Park 1993 (PG-13)

July 10     The Wizard of Oz 1939 (PG)

July 17     Dumb and Dumber 1994 (PG-13)

July 31     The Princess Bride 1987 (PG)

August 7     Back to the Future 1985 (PG)

August 14     Disney Movie, Voter’s Choice

August 21     La Bamba 1989 (PG-13)

August 28     Romy & Michelle 1997 (R)

September 4     The Outsiders 1983 (PG-13)

September 11     The Bridesmaids 2011 (R)

September 18     Motorcycle Diaries 2004 (R)

September 25     Almost Famous 2000 (R)

October 2     Tootsie 1982 (R)

October 9     Shawshank Redemption 1994 (R)

October 16     Stand By Me 1986 (R)

October 23    Coming to America 1987 (R)

October 30     Beetlejuice 1988 (PG)

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Enjoy a film in the Philbrook Museum Gardens on June 26 from 7:30 – 10:30 am. Midnight in Paris with Owen Wilson will showing. The north garden gates are open at 7:30 pm.  The film begins at dusk. Food trucks and entertainment will be part of the evening to celebrate Philbrook’s 75th anniversary.  This is a FREE event to member and non members. All ages are welcome. I am not sure on the rating on this movie. So if you have very young ones you may want to check that out.  For more information you can go to www.philbrook.org . In the event of rain the film will be shown in the Patti Johnson Wilson Hall.

Special Note: All of these movies at the different venues may not be suitable for your children and their specific ages or your specific value system. As always as a parent we have to consciously decide what is best for our children to view. 

How to Get More of What YOU Want In Your Relationship with This Powerful Morning Ritual

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4WaysToGetOutOfBed_56400221_n_lgAre there things you want in your relationship with your spouse or maybe with your child ? It may be you want more communication or more affection or time together. Regardless of what you want, you can use this simple, easy strategy to begin to get more of what you want. I am talking about using the powerful combination of Morning Gratitude and Intention. Here is the basic foundation of starting a Daily Morning Gratitude and Intention Practice.

1. Upon waking in the morning, before you get out of bed, think about what you are grateful for. In this case, as we are talking about your relationship, make sure to include what you are thankful for in regard to your relationship.  Be specific as you think about what you like that is going on in your relationship and how you appreciate these things. 

2. Then think about what you want in your relationship. Maybe it is for more communication with your spouse or maybe it is more hugs between the two of you, etc.

3. After you decide what you want then tell yourself what you want to have happen in PRESENT tense. This speeds the process.

Example: “I am communicating more with  _____________. I see us talking and connecting.”

Example: “I am spending more time with ___________. We are enjoying this time together.”

4. BELIEVE the intentions you have created.

5. Feel how good this will feel and visualize this happening.

6. Give thanks for what you foresee happening.

 

couple holding hands in the sunlight

This is a wonderful way to start your day. The more you do of this, the more it will work. We can set the tone and momentum for good things to happen in our relationships. We have more control that we think. Enjoy this creative wonderful process as you start your day!

Setting Boundaries with Love

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Mother and daughter talking on couch

 

As parents we spend much of our time setting boundaries with our children. Sometimes we worry about how our children feel about us as we are the disciplinarians, asking them to come home on time, clean their rooms, etc. Well they may not always be happy with us, but in the long run they will be so happy that we set boundaries and encouraged them to be self disciplined, responsible adults. Our role is not one of being a friend or companion, but one of being a parent. Not always an easy task, but one of the most important things we can do.

One thing we do want to do is remind our children that we love them and that is why we set boundaries and keep them safe. So one strategy is to combine our boundary setting with words of love.

“Your return time for tonight is 9:00 pm. I know that seems early. But as it is a school night, I  want you to be fresh and alert for tomorrow. I love you and want the best for you.”

“Only two cookies please. I know you want more, but I want you to stay healthy and strong. You are important to me and I care about your body.”

“I cannot let you hit your sister. You will need to use your words. I want you to know how to solve problems peacefully. You are so special to me, I want the best for you.”

“I don’t like how you are talking to me. It feels disrespectful. I want you to find another way to tell me what you are upset about.  I respect you and want you to respect me also.”

 

Yes this takes more time and thought. But it is so worth it. Not only will your children be more inclined to be cooperative, but they will also know you love them. And don’t all children need and want this. It is a win win – communicating boundaries with words of love. 

 

Tulsa Children’s Museum’s Electric Lime Gala – May 10, 2014

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Want to have a bit of fun. Some dinner and dancing, a live auction and a chance to play at the Children’s Museum as an adult. Plus, help support our Tulsa community’s Children’s Museum. Then check out the Electric Lime Gala. See the information below.

 

children's museum gala lime event may 2014

This could be a fun couple’s event and serve a good cause at the same time. If you have not checked out the Children’s Museum here in Tulsa this would be a great opportunity to do so. So have fun and do something good for the community. What a nice mix.

How to Calm Your Anxiety with One Easy Strategy

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woman reflecting

Want to calm yourself quickly and retrain your brain to be more calm? Consider what you are saying to yourself. If you find yourself telling yourself things like the following, it is time to rework your self talk to be more helpful for you.

Do you hear yourself say?

“I can’t do this,”

“I am so overwhelmed!”

“What if I mess up?”

“I am scared I won’t be able to do this.”

What you do with this negative self talk is to turn it into a self prophesy,  giving you more of what you are thinking.

You can change your thoughts which will in turn change how you feel. Our thoughts are so powerful and so changeable. We can create what we want with what we choose to think. And yes we can choose what we think. We may feel one way and we can acknowledge that but we can then change our thought.

Here are some potential calming self talk statements.

“I can do this. I know I can make happen what needs to happen.”

“I can turn this around. I can do this one step at a time. I feel calmness come over me as I do what I need to do.”

“I am perfect just the way I am. I see myself accomplishing what I need to do.”

“I feel confident in my ability to  ______________  . ”

 

Two basic thoughts that help with anxiety are the following.

“I am safe.”

“I love myself.”

 

happy-person1

 

What we say to ourself is what we get. So create a world free from anxiety and full of confidence and calmness. It is in your power to do so.

 

This easing of anxiety not only helps us as individuals but helps us in our relationships. So consider this as a relationship building activity as well.

 

A Cooperative Family Egg Hunt – A Great Message and So Much Fun

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easter egg cooperative hunt pic

 

What is a Cooperative Egg Hunt? This is something I created many years ago with my own family and have continued to do this year after year. I had never liked the competitive rush out to grab all you can approach, so I decided we should try something else. And we did and we still love it! I might add this can be used for all ages, including adults.  It is a bit more work, but so worth the effort.

Here are the steps to creating this new way of hunting Easter Eggs.

  1. The group counts the NUMBER THAT WILL BE HUNTING and then decides HOW MANY EGGS each person will PREPARE FOR EACH of their FELLOW HUNTERS. For example: You might have 10 people hunting (hopefully all ages!) with each person putting together 1 egg for each of their fellow hunters.  The ending result is that each person ends up with the same amount of eggs.  In this example each person would come up with 10 eggs.
  2. So this could be traditional real eggs or it could be candy filled eggs that many folks do OR it could be that you choose to do an alternative kind of egg, such as small healthy treats or toys in the eggs or if adults are involved some small items that they may find fun. Example a tea bag, nail clippers, hair ties, batteries, etc  . I might say JUMBO Eggs do tend to work best. Another alternative may be that the egg holds a note in it that says to go see another hunter for their prize. This works well when the prize or treat is too big to go in the egg. This opens the door for lots of fun things.  The dollar store is great place to gather gifts.
  3. All the eggs prepared can be the same or individualized by the age or by the sex or by the specific person.
  4. Each participant marks their eggs with all of the names of their fellow hunters.  So everyone is specifically looking for eggs that have their name on it.
  5. Of course  you will need someone to hide eggs.
  6. This is cooperative in that when someone can not find one of their eggs they have all of their fellow hunters who can give them clues or straight out tell them if they become desperate as to not being able to locate all of their eggs. It is so much fun and heart warming to see the young ones at times help the adults find their eggs.
  7. Of course thank yous are nice at the end. Folks can mark their eggs with a to and from to help with this.

 

 

easter buckets

 

 

 

So what you have is a peaceful, exciting hunt with no pressure and no crying or upset with someone who does not get enough eggs. You have folks helping each other. And you have an opportunity to make the eggs carry whatever kind of message you like – one that stands for healthy treats or for maybe garden gloves, a box of crayons for creative expression, etc.

I hope you will give this a try. It is wonderful tradition that I love each year. And one that all can participate in and enjoy together.  Happy Easter!

 

 

Free Tulsa Area Events for Families and Couples – April 2014

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springfest garden market & festival

 Spring Garden Market & Festival at Tulsa Garden Center

Consider connecting with your family or your honey by attending some Spring Garden Events together. Every community has these kinds of events. These specific events are in the Tulsa, OK area.  Local plant, herbs & art  sales, informational talks, live music, wine gardens and fun family / child activities are some of things you will find at these annual events.  Each year the community blesses us with these wonderful events.  See below for specific activities for each event.

  •  April 11-12     Spring Garden Market & Festival at Tulsa Garden Center, 2534 S Peoria    Free Event, 9:00 am – 6:00 pm Locally grown plants for sell. Linnaeus Garden tent area with rare plants.  Kids Zone. Arts & Crafts.  Food.  More information call 918-746-5125 or  www.gardencenter.com
  • April 12          Herb Day in Brookside, 41st and Peoria   Free Event. 9:00 am – 5:00 pm.   Oklahoma growers and crafts people selling herbs, heirloom flowers, pottery, birdhouses and more. Call 918-260-7680.
  • April 17          Tulsa County Master Gardeners Spring Plant Sale, Tulsa Fairgrounds, Central Park Hall     Plant sale of natives, annuals, herbs, perennials and vegetables. Call 918-746-3701.  www.tulsamastergardeners.org
  • April 19          Jenks Plant & Herbs Festival, Main Street, between 1st and 3rd     Free Event. 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Over 100 booths. Child activities are included. Contact:  jenksgardenclub@gmail.com
  • April 22          Tulsa Garden Center presents “The Hosta Connection”     Free Event. Meet & Greet 6:30 pm and 7:00 pm for presentation on designing a shade garden with Hostas. Call 918-747-5125   www.gardencenter.com
  • April 26          Sand Springs 25th Annual Herbal Affair, Downtown, 2nd & Main     Free Event. 9:00 am – 4:00 pm, rain or shine. Peppermint Lane Children’s Area from 10:00 am – 3:00 am. Trolley runs from Charles Page HighSchool to the Herbal Affair. More than 100 vendors.  Native and heirloom herbs and plants, herbal products, garden supplies and folk art. Wine Garden.  Live music performances throughout the day  Call  918- 246-2500 ext 2594 or  www.sandspringsok.org

music performances at sand springs herbal affair

Live Music at Sand Springs Herbal Affair

Hope you will be able to take in one or two of these events. Getting out in the wonderful spring weather and buying “green things” is about as healthy as you can get. Being outside nourishes us, reducing stress and helping us feel good. Plus it is just good clean family or couple fun. And we all need that! Happy Spring to you all.